To think 50+ hours a week in childcare is a lot for a 2 year old?

[Bunnn]

A family member's 2-year-old is in childcare for over 50 hours a week. AIBU to think that is a lot and feel a bit sad about it? I'm not judging the parents. They both work although they do both tend to have days off during week days. They won't ever pick him up early or not send him when they are off work as they want to get what they've paid for. His Mum even said she will wait around the corner until 17:55 to pick him up at 18:00 exactly if she ever arrives early.

I met up with them last week during the week, along with some of our family for a day out that the child would have loved, and was surprised they had still sent him to childcare for his full 10 hour day rather than let him spend the day/afternoon with his family including his grandparents and cousins. I just kept thinking about it and felt so sad and guilty. I'm sure he has lots of fun at childcare, but it is still long days to be away from parents and not be at home.

Yanbu, that is really horrible of them to have chosen to be with everyone else rather than bring him to a family event.

It is a long day, but it's quite normal for children to spend this amount of time in childcare. Not necessarily good, but normal now.

The waiting round the corner so they don't pick him up five minutes early is madness though.

Even the best childcare is not as good as a loving family setting.The child is being brought up in an institution.

I agree with you OP.

I would want to know OP if you were offering childcare then if you are judging enough to make a MN post?

Maybe it’s the only day off they get from working long hours and wanted a break? Maybe they are suffering from PND? I’m not saying it’s ideal for a child but there might be other factors at play here.

If you are that concerned, are you going to reach out and offer some help?

It happens more than you would think sadly. I worked in Early years, we had parents who worked a couple of days a week but put their kids in nursery Monday - Friday 8-6. They were very well off (nursery was attached to a private school). Parents where one didnt work at all but would leave their child right to the end of the day - or even turn up late. Often their child would be exhausted and tearful (they do notice when they are last).

I can't offer childcare as I work full time, I mentioned in the OP that I am not judging the parents.

You are absolutely judging the parents. It’s fine to disagree, but own it. The reality is not all parents have a choice, and maybe that 5 minutes before pick up is the difference between their mental health being in the gutter and not. Do you have children OP?

Of course you’re judging the parents. At least be honest about it. You’re also now inviting others to judge them.

But you absolutely are judging the parents!!

There are many reasons why they may have made this decision.

So are you going to pop round on the weekend and check in that they are ok? Offer to help with housework / childcare / cooking if they are struggling? Or just create a MN post pretending you aren’t judging when you really are. When you could be putting some energy into helping them if you were really concerned.

If you weren’t judging the parents then you wouldn’t have written the post.

If they sometimes have a day off in the week then they likely also work on the weekend?

There are regularly posts full of faux concern about how someone else uses childcare. In reality childcare is extremely expensive and the number of people putting their kids in for a significant amount of time when the parent isn’t in work will be tiny.

YANBU and I would judge them.

I was thinking yabu as sometimes ft working parents need a day off, but waiting round the corner to pick up at 6 and not taking your old to a family day out is totally batshit and mean.

But yeah, own it. Id judge then too for that and we've both worked ft and my kids did too many hours at nursery. And they went in the odd bank holiday as I was knackered no help etc etc.

You are judging the parents but I agree with you. People are saying what about the parents MH, well what about the child's? Or their relationships with their family their future MH will be based on. They would have had loads of help on family day out so no reason other then they don't want to. There's also two of them so it's not the case of a single parent not coping by themself.

And this is not saying parents should not have any time off from DC and work, but 50 hrs and at the expenses of family days out is too much

A 2 year old doing at least 8-6 5 days a week when the parents have days off in the week is sad AF, as is missing out on fun stuff because they've already paid for the childcare so view it as may as well use it.

Agree though, is it possible they're not coping with it all? Two is a hard age.

I’d be judging. Pretty strange behaviour I think. Different if you’re working full time.

My daughter has gone to nursery around 50 hours a week since she was 11 months. It did utterly exhaust her at first, but now she seems to be fine with it. The nursery workers are a sort of second family.

I am the higher earner in my relationship and my husband won't work part time, or give up his job so... why should I have to? What I'd actually like is us both to work a 4 day week, but he doesn't want to do that. (He did 3 months of Shared Parental Leave, so he does get what full time childcare is like.)

We do take days off work together and send her to nursery - otherwise we'd struggle to connect as a couple, or to get certain jobs at home done. We dont get any chilcare support from anyone else. However, we also have family days out together and holidays.

I never wanted to outsource all my childcare, but it's a pattern that is working okay at the moment. Still feels like i do plenty of parenting, but I am suspicious that this passing all the bringing up of toddlers onto nursery's has something to do with unskilled parenting later on - people don't get a chance to practise, if someone else is doing most of it!

I'm judging the parents as being selfish c*s.

FT childcare is fine while working, even when working shifts. But I would want my kid with me if we were at a family friendly day out (posh meal in a quiet restaurant perhaps less so)

I'm absolutely judging them, 50 hours a week are long days for the child and to be left until the bitter end so the parents get their monies worth... FFS.

And who the he'll sticks their child in nursery instead of bring them to a family day out where there will be other children there?

Mon -Fri 8-6 is not that unusual in families with two working parents, my own did more or less that. The odd nursery day while we were off was the only child free time we got so we did it a few times a year maybe.

I wouldn't do it regularly and I wouldn't have used nursery on a family day out, but this family will have their reasons.

You are judging, there's no point denying it.

Two working parents and little kids is really hard, have you done it?

Yeah if I was the gp or the aunties or uncles I'd be asking questions assuming they weren't coping with life to leave child in nursery on a family day out.

Did nobody say anything directly to them?

Selfish wankers who are too lazy to be parents, that's who.