To think 50+ hours a week in childcare is a lot for a 2 year old?

[Bunnn]

A family member's 2-year-old is in childcare for over 50 hours a week. AIBU to think that is a lot and feel a bit sad about it? I'm not judging the parents. They both work although they do both tend to have days off during week days. They won't ever pick him up early or not send him when they are off work as they want to get what they've paid for. His Mum even said she will wait around the corner until 17:55 to pick him up at 18:00 exactly if she ever arrives early.

I met up with them last week during the week, along with some of our family for a day out that the child would have loved, and was surprised they had still sent him to childcare for his full 10 hour day rather than let him spend the day/afternoon with his family including his grandparents and cousins. I just kept thinking about it and felt so sad and guilty. I'm sure he has lots of fun at childcare, but it is still long days to be away from parents and not be at home.

@telestrations They would have had loads of help on family day out so no reason other then they don't want to.

You’re making an assumption there. Not every family is helpful with children, a ‘family day out’ with my DH’s side would involve a stuffy restaurant in the middle of nap time, a trip somewhere with lots of breakable things, no offers to hold the baby and then lots of complaining that we aren’t sat at the table most of the time, rather taking it in turns to walk the toddler around outside because shockingly a 3 hour lunch is not fun for a very young child.

I don’t judge when it’s necessary for work, or even to give yourself the occasional afternoon of downtime. However it sounds like in this case the parents don’t want to spend the time with their child which does make it sad if that is how it is.

I’m happy to judge. What is the point of having the child at all.

I’ve worked in nursery settings and why anyone would want to leave the most precious things in the world there for such incredibly
long hours baffles me. They are babies. They need families and secure attachments.

Mine did 8.45-5.45 five days a week, so 45 hours a week at 2yo and loved it.

I think if you find the right environment (in my case a really good childminder), where your child is happy, it's fine.

Judging here too. All these sanctimonious people saying why doesn't OP offer to help them? 1) it's not her place when I'm sure she's got her own stuff/work going on and 2) why is it up to others to sort out other people's lives?

"Help them with shopping/cooking/cleaning.... ", these lines always get trotted out on here as if everyone has magical amounts of time to help other people run their day to day lives. 50 hours a week in childcare for a TWO year old sounds exhausting which ever way you cut it. Even the primary school day and secondary school day is less than that and kids still come home pooped from it.

Catch yourself on.

This is ridiculous. You are judging the parents. You went so far as to write a post about it! I think you should mind your own business.

Oh Fgs, 5min will push someone over the edge🙄

People have to work and that's understandable and normal. But not taking your child to a family day out- that's selfish and odd.

Yawn. Another childcare bashing thread.

What's wrong with judging the parents people judge each other all the time.The Op was just asking for others opinions, Ivakso find it too long to leaveca 2 year old .Yes we don't know if the adults involved have other isdues that affect their decisions but the childten do notice and it does affect them.I also know as I until recently too worked in childcare and with very small children and found it very sad for some of them.
At a family event it would have been nice for said child to see his her grandparents.

I'm glad you aren't part of my family. Such judgemental ignorance !!

Have you never known parents to split up, or one become ill or die? Or go to prison, leaving the other needing to work? Parents in the armed forces, blue light services or farming or any other profession with irregular hours.

My child minder became one of the family. She still has contact with ds, and he's 16 next week. He is a happy, well balanced, secure teen. She was part of my 'village'. 🙂

If they are off work during the week they may be busy doing jobs at home or getting shopping so they can send quality time at the weekend as a family

Maybe get on with your own life and stop worrying about others

You are 100% judging so, as others have said, you need to own that.
Some of the behaviour is a little odd (waiting until paid for time is up) but unless you are willing/able to offer alternative solutions to their childcare you don’t get a say.
As an aside I’m always a bit surprised at how exhausted people think kids are after a full day in childcare - mine napped for two hours minimum every day at nursery until at least age 3

YNBU, I wouldn't cope with a 50 hour work week never mind d being a 2 year old stuck in nursery until the very last minute of the day.
Understand that people need to work (I work full time and have a disabled child, I need the break from caring) but I absolutely would not have enjoyed a family day out without my own child - I love showing him off to family!

Because the OP was there so she'd defo be helping right? 😅

iI depends on the family whether a day out with them is enjoyable, they may be all like OP and be quite interfering regarding the DC so better off if the child isn't there

You all seem to know OP’s family members better than OP. Some people just do put their children in childcare when they’re not at work - and not for the extra time to get errands or some self care done - and when their MH is fine. A day out with the whole family and they left the kid in nursery doesn’t scream like they’re struggling. But hey, I don’t know the full context

It sounds like they aren't coping. I worked full time and very occasionally would pop them in childcare to have a few hours of an annual leave day for self care or seeing others for lunch.

If a parent is actively avoiding time I would worry about how they are coping. Hands on parenting of toddlers is not for everyone.

I totally agree with you.

I was one of those children who spent 10 hours a day in childcare and while I understood it was because my parents had to work, I still found it really difficult to be the first one there every morning and the last one to be picked up at night.

Okay, at 2yo they probably don't have much awareness of what they're missing out on but they certainly will in a year or two.

Yes I see them on the weekend a lot! They have no need for housework help as they have a cleaner, and one of the parents works part-time. They're very financially well off, and are engaged parents who read all the parenting books so I don't think they're struggling with parenting or their mental health (as far I can tell). They're not struggling parents trying to meet ends meet.

Then leave them alone, OP, and stop posting about them on the internet.

Ok will do!

I agree with you OP, it’s too much. I’m sure for many parents both working full time they have no choice and this is an often a reality. I chose not to go back to work because DC would have been doing the same amount of hours and I thought it was too much for them. Plus I would miss them terribly, but I do realise how fortunate I am to be able to make this decision.

YANBU. Poor child.

If childcare is ok while the parents are working, then childcare is ok.

If childcare isn't ok when the parents aren't working, then it isn't ok.

The quality of the care doesn't change depending on whether the parents are in the office or at the beach, the child's day is the same.