Adults calling their parents by their names

[lunchingwithladies]

Inspired by the Aunty Emma thread, my brother (in his 40's) calls my mother (in her 80s) by her first/Christian name, often in a slightly patronising way.

It gives me the absolute rage. Anyone else encountered this??

AIBU?

Why does it give you the rage? Do you want him to use whatever title you do?

I can think of quite a few people I know, including some very strait-laced older cousins, who address their parents by their first names. DS has called his grandparents by shortened forms of their first names since he was a toddler. He thought that up himself. We’d all been using ‘Granny X’ etc. He just chose otherwise. I couldn’t get excited about it.

It's a bit odd, but not nearly as bad as adults who call their parents Mummy and Daddy.

true

It gives you the rage that an adult calls his mum by her actual name? That's really not a normal or healthy response to something to that's quite a common thing for people to do once they are no longer children.

I call my monster of a father by his first name. Not to him personally as we have no contact, but when I’m speaking about him. I can’t bear to use the word father to describe the wanker. It’s too nice a word to use with him.

It's usually when it accompanies some dismissive or belittling comment, it doesn't feel equalising, it feels rude.

It's hard to articulate why it bothers me so much, which is why I wondered if others have similar experiences

Is it? That's interesting. Most people I know call their parents 'Mum/ Dad'

Yes I'd say it's pretty normal. Most people I know will use a mixture e.g say my mum when talking to others about her and then call their mum by her actual name when in her company e.g Paula would you like a cuppa.

How does your mum feel about it? If it makes her feel disrespected you've every right to feel the rage.

My dad is 74 and he said he always called his mum and dad by their names, even when he was a child which I find so bizarre.

But when he speaks about my late mum, if he says her name, he will correct himself and call her mum as if I don't know who he's referring to. It's odd.

But I rarely call my dad, dad these days as I've got in to the habit of calling him grandad because of the kids.

Haha, you'd hate me then, I call mine a mixture of Mummy & Daddy and then stupid nicknames based on their first names. My mother calls me by my name sometimes, but more often something daft like Tinkerbell or Pumpkin 😂

She told me she doesn't really like it, but she wouldn't say anything, it doesn't bother her enough to make a fuss.

I call my parents by their first names but it’s interchangeable with mum/dad, and it’s the same when talking about them to other people. But usually only first names if the person knows them too.
I suspect the OP’s rage is a result of the fact the DB is using the name specifically with patronising/belittling comments rather than all the time. Thereby the association of the first name with being mean.

I always call my parents by their names. I only call them mum and dad if talking about them when they’re not there eg I’m meeting my mum at the weekend. They are actual people with actual names so it’s hardly unreasonable to use their actual names.

If Mum is happy with it, let it go. If she is not happy with it and would prefer to be called Mum and brother refuses to do it, start calling him by a name that doesn't please him. I suggest 'wanker' but feel free to choose your own.

My mother still refers to her own (long-dead) parents as Mummy and Daddy, but it doesn't bother me. I think whether it's annoying or not depends on the person.
Unfortunately I'm riddled with inconsistencies!

My daughter announced when she was seven that henceforth she was going to call me 'Jane' and her dad 'Dave' (example names & formats used to avoid outing). She called us together to tell us this! When she was 12 she started calling us 'Mama' and 'Papa' in a very Victorian way, but now we're Jane and Dave again. Her 3 yrs older brother stuck with Mum and Dad for a bit longer but he gave in eventually. Grandparents, aunts/uncles etc all thought it was all very funny. Nobody suggested that there is, or ought to be, a 'rule'. Perhaps they knew that they'd be told to shut up!

Why? I'm 56 and I still call my father Daddy or Pa. Always have, always will.

Yuk. There was a terribly mc hip family who did that when I was growing up 70s/80s. It was a bit naff really.

DS calls me mum but we actually happen to work for the same company at the moment, so it would be a bit odd if he called me mum at work! So obviously there he does use my first name but at home it’s still mum.

If it's a patronising tone of voice it's unreasonable to be pissed off with that.

I've told my kids I'm cool with them using my name if they want. I have memories from my childhood if my mother not coming to me when I needed her in public because I was shouting mum, I shouted her name and she told me off rather than help me. So my kids have been told if I don't answer to mummy call my name and ex they have occasionally done this in public to the horror of so many people. Amazing how it upsets people and how people we hardly know will correct them meaning I then need to say actually I've said they can

I think another reason why it annoys me is because my brother has this annoying tendency to say people's names repeatedly when talking to them, especially when trying to get a point across. It makes him sound like a car salesman and gives me the absolute ICK.

"Yes Jane, but that isn't whole story, Jane. Remember blah blah..."

I always used my parents first names from childhood, it was their preference. It always seemed odd when friends used mum/dad when they have actual names.

It's difficult to determine exactly why, but sometimes you have to go with your gut instinct don't you? An adult calling their parents Mummy and Daddy makes my gut send the food back up into my mouth🤮

So interesting, I had no idea this was so common