Adults calling their parents by their names

[lunchingwithladies]

Inspired by the Aunty Emma thread, my brother (in his 40's) calls my mother (in her 80s) by her first/Christian name, often in a slightly patronising way.

It gives me the absolute rage. Anyone else encountered this??

AIBU?

Dh and I wouldn't do it but rage really? Why does it matter what others do with it?

To quote Monica Geller, "Call them mum and dad you loser!"

I get what you're saying op, there was a couple of incidents when my children were teenagers and referred to me by my first name.

It was said in a mocking way when they were told they couldn't have or do something.

They are adults now and wouldn't dream of doing it!

My kids are only small but I wouldn’t like them to call me by my name, ever. They’re the only people to call me Mum, I would like them to continue to do so! I still call my Mum ‘Mum’ I’m 35 and she’s 63

I'm trying to understand why it gives me the rage, hence the thread. I'm fairly sure now that the wider issues with my brother are influencing my response.

If he knows she doesn’t like it and he’s only doing it to annoy/upset/belittle her, then it’s horrible. But if that’s the case, I strongly doubt it’s the only way in which he isn’t nice to her, and focusing on that one thing in isolation isn’t helpful because it’s not the root of the problem.

If they’re both OK with it then it’s fine.

I wouldn’t call my parents by their first names in a million years and the only person I know who does call her parents by their first names essentially does it because they are very cold and unloving parents and she has a very difficult relationship with them, though.

I don't know anyone who uses their first names for their parents.

I wouldn't like it

Is there a cut-off age? If people grew up with Mum and Dad, then I guess they don't generally change that. But if they grew up with Mummy and Daddy, are they supposed to switch at some point? I never knew this was a thing.

I think kids just grow out of it at some point. I'd say it's unusual for teens to still be calling their parents Mummy and Daddy.

I’ve always called my Dad by his first name and with my mum it’s probably 50/50 now whether I use her name or mum.

My DS calls me and DH by our first names and has done since he was 2ish. We didn't encourage it but I like it. It really pisses a lot of other people off though- which is a weird thing to get pissed off by. I think people think we must be hippies- which is laughable if you knew us.

My 9 and 12 year old call me and my husband by our first names and have done for about a year. I was sad initially but they are both autistic, so I need to pick my battles and it’s part of their individuality.

I think a woman calling her dad ‘daddy’ is fine and cute, but not calling her mum ‘mummy’!

I find it strange.

I have a good friend, always just said "my dad" to me.

Was in both their company and it was constant "do you want a cup of tea, John?" etc.

There is nothing wrong with it, but I find it a bit strange. Just can't imagine calling my dad anything other than dad.

Going to secondary school or into year 8 seems to be the cutoff where I am!

@lunchingwithladies It's funny, I too have an idiotic unpleasant brother who went through a phase of calling my parents by their names when we were growing up, but it was, as usual, attention seeking behaviour. Painful to have to witness.

I can't imagine calling my parents (me 50 them 75) anything other than mum and dad

Maybe if they do something scandalous I may say "FULL NANE" in the same way they may use my full name then.

In company it's still mum and dad. Maybe different if we are in a formal professional context like work? (Which seems very much like the traitors scenario!!)

My godson, an only child, was told by his DM in his late teens that she wouldn't mind if he called her by her first name and his response was, "Anybody who knows you well enough can call you 'Mary', but I'm the only person in the world who can call you Mum!"

My mum doesn't respond to 'Mum' very well. She's losing her hearing and by the time she's tuned in to the fact someone is speaking, the moment has passed. Her actual name has more syllables so if I'm trying to get her attention it's "Mum! Mum? Actual name!" My daughter has started to do the same to me. It works. I told her when she was tiny if she was lost to shout her own name because calling Mum in the places we went to could have been about 60% of the adults there.

Yes, my brother started doing it has an annoying teen and has continued ever since.

I call my mum by her first name. This is because at one point we all shared a house with my grandparents, my aunt and her children. Calling "mum" would either get no response from any of them or all of them running to see if it was their child calling. Somehow it stuck and I very rarely call her mum unless it is just the two of us in the room.

I call my Mum her first name about 60% of the time, it came about because it's just her, my stepdad and I so I just got into the habit of saying her name because I call my step dad by his name

"It's usually when it accompanies some dismissive or belittling comment, it doesn't feel equalising, it feels rude."

It's the comments that are the problem. Using her name is just a symptom of his nasty attitude – you're right, it is rude. But if you want to pull him up, I'd do that based on the content of the comment and not the use of your mother's name.

One of my adult dcs calls dh and me by our first names. I think he started doing it in his teens as a sort of cheeky joke and it stuck. If I'm honest I don't really like it but I'd never tell him that. It feels less personal than calling me 'mum' as my other dcs do.

One of my now-adult DCs calls his father by his first name. He has since he was about four, no idea why! Doesn't seem to bother either of them (I divorced his dad).