To be a bit freaked out about this mystery poo?

[mysterypoo]

We got home after being out all day and I went upstairs and found a poo in the toilet. When I was back downstairs I asked dp if he could check next time to make sure his poo had been flushed away. Dp said it wasn’t his and that when he had been for a wee earlier (he came in to get spare clothes for ds and we stayed in the car) there had been nothing in the toilet.
So where has this mystery poo come from? We were out for 4/5 hours after he had gone back in earlier in the day.

What’s that?

The cat has learnt to use the toilet. It has happened before.

Winnie the Pooh

The only sure way to know that the builder was in on the agreed day

Are you sure it's not Nigel Farage? He seems to be unflushable.
Or maybe it's just that the water quality in the UK is so poor, there're more turds in the toilet bowl after you flush.

Surely it's your dp he just doesn't want to admit it?

I don’t want to freak you out but something similar happened to a friend of mine. If I tell the story I can absolutely guarantee the fucking daily mail will nick it (and its also outing) -anyway I’d change your locks. And fuck off daily mail.

What??!!
How could I have missed that one?!

Why do I always get the blame?

It's not bloomin' fair. 😡

The who?
The Pooh!
I thought you knew.

Poo troll?

@BurglarAndSwag

😂

Was there no tissue in there with it? Someone’s done a dump and run?!

The Phantom Shitter

My mum used to have a cat, which if it couldn't get out (there was no cat flap), would poop right next to the toilet. Obviously it had figured out that was the "correct place"... Do you have pets which are particularly good at balancing?

YEP!

Hope it is not anyone phrogging could have got in through next door or have you had any keys cut lately? It does sound a bit careless if they wanted to keep it hidden. Post like this going back a while things moved in the house dog spooked upstairs I. think they even had ring cameras but it showed nobody coming in and out.

I remember this happening to someone at work. Mystery crap in the toilet was The Beginning. Change the locks.

@NotSoHotMess24 Aw what a clever cat! Didn't she have a litter tray though?

GP had something similar, turns out a ‘friend’ would go to her home and put her heating on etc whilst she was out for the day to save his own heating bill! That soon stopped.

Gas lighting. @firefly1987 has a point.

Lol no. I literally hadn't even thought about her not having one until now! Maybe my mum thought they were gross or something.

Landlord caught short I bet. I'd get a camera.

What kind of front and back doors? If they're uPVC with a lock that's brass or silver and protrudes a little front and back, they're very easy to change. Yale or mortice a little trickier.
Coloured masking tape on the loft door, so that someone can't be up there without you being able to spot the change.
In my brother's house, you could walk the length of the terrace in the loft as the party walls didn't reach the full pitch of the roof.

Has anyone got a spare key?
Listen to James Acaster's Scrapes!