Comments from DH on appearance

[LiarLiarKnickersAblaze]

A couple of weeks it was that he noticed I'd gained weight. Yep promotion at work and not been able to get out as much. I've rectified this by starting running club and fasting. I've been a lot healthier since, it was an adjustment with new role.

Helped him with a work issue this week during my own work breaks. Meant I didn't have time to sort dinner & put make up on before going to a kid's theatre show. Cue comment on my face with no make up on.

He'd also pissed me off by wanting to do buy new carpets on credit so he could take the money from house sale and put it in a savings account. He didn't explain this, was annoyed when I said I don't want ongoing credit agreement and that I should have known without him explaining it to me that he would want to put it in a savings account to earn interest.

Tonight I showed new sandals I bought. They are chunky and I am tall and then it was comments about their/my height. I don't see why I should exclusively only wear flats because I'm tall. I like the sandals but if I wear them his temperament will shift.

He's made me feel like a fat, ugly monster. And I'm not, I get hit on sometimes. His taste in clothes isn't always to my taste but I love him more and like his clothes because it's what he likes. If he was wearing something ridiculous I'd tell him, which is what he thinks he's doing to me but it's a couple of times a week - am I really making crap choices that frequently??!!

I wouldn’t be with a man who criticised my height, face without makeup or a small amount of weight gain. Tell him you still get plenty of interest and his nasty little comments designed to make you feel shit only make him less attractive as a person, so if he thinks he can do better, off he goes. Who the fuck does he think he is?

I've said this and he says "yes please, do tell me". It's not in my nature. The stuff that gets me really cross is rudeness.

I’m afraid you need to do exactly that - take that power away from him.

You’ve told him and he still keeps on doing it.

Time to toughen up, I think, and teach him a lesson.

So you need to criticise his personality then. He says he can take it.

He's like an impervious brick wall! I also don't want to set out to criticise him.

Short sharp reply every time op

I like me the way I am or I like them - if you don't, see that door walk through it.

Or there's my favourite response, look him dad in the eye and say

'Your being an utter twat'

And exit the room

Dad=dead

I think toughening up, not stooping to his level or letting him bother me.

I did actually think earlier that if I wanted a clean break now would be the time do it. The house is selling in a couple of weeks. We could get half of the proceeds each and go our separate ways. There'd be no big house & he wouldn't have access to discounted financial products through me.

What does he actually say? I know you said he comments about your makeup or whatever but the actual comments might help people with a comeback.

Do you think he might stop if instead of reacting you just look at him and say ....'yep'. So if he is saying things like 'you've come out with no make up on!'. You just say 'yep' and pretend to be bored by the conversation/ move on to something else rather than start explaining or justifying or trying to find out what he meant (which is 'I wanted you to wear makeup but I can't come out and say that because it's controlling so I'm going to throw out a statement designed to make you question yourself so hopefully you'll feel shit enough to wear it next time without me needing to say anything')anything.

Otherwise start doing it to him. 'Are you wearing those shoes with those trainers?' 'Have you not had much time to work out this week?' 'Going out in that top again?'...all things that you can claim were you 'just taking an interest' if he asks why you're saying it

I'd be asking him when he's off to Turkey for hair plugs. I'm 😈

Will try & have said in past. But if gets to the point you're defending yourself to a bully in your own marriage it's got to be over. My parents still bicker like that to this day & the idea of spending 20+ years in this cycle of crap gives me the massive ick.

Also the whole 'I'm just giving my opinion' is shit. Opinions should be given when discussing a topic, or when they're asked for. Or if they're positive. Going around telling people all the negative opinions you have about them 'I really think you made a shit choice marrying him' 'oh I think you should have bought the other house' etc is just going to make people feel like shit, with no tangible benefit for any party

Ask yourself if you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who puts you down when he should be building you up? What do you think years and years of that are going to do to your self-esteem? Don't kid yourself that he's just socially unaware - you've told him how this makes you feel and he knows exactly what he's doing. He WANTS to make you feel bad about yourself. That's not love.

If this won’t work, and you’re happy to stay with him, then I think you’re just going to have to ignore it or make light of it.

So when he makes some comment about lack of makeup, then the response could be eg ‘Well, who cares? I wasn’t going to miss the show!’ Could you train him off them by a breezy response? It’s either that, or just ignore him.

"It's always better to wear a bit of make up"

[after returning from his own trip rock climbing abroad & me doing childcare for the week.] "Maybe you could take an exercise holiday, you've put on a little weight lately"

Yeah OP we get it, he's a rude arsehole.

How about a simple: I know you think you are helping but the constant rude criticism makes me feel disrespected. I have a hard time being intimate with you when I feel this way. Our daughter notices that you do this. It impacts her.

I know you don't want to set out criticize him. I'm not sure how else you are going get him to stop and give a think about doing the same to you.

I cannot understand, at all, why you choose to stay married to this absolute dickhead. What a horrible example for your daughter. Life is far too short to be with someone who doesn't even pretend to like you.

I take it he's a God then albeit a short one.

You're right, I don't think he does like me. I always have my sixth sense on.

Sounds like negging, and my patience for him would have worn thin long ago. Though I'd be more inclined to respond along the lines of "there you go again" or even FO rather than engaging in the tit for tat games some pp are suggesting.

That aside, if you spent your time off assisting him with some work why is it then your job to make dinner? Sounds like there's more than one problem in your marriage.

He's slightly taller than me!

Thing is I am v tall but I'm not ashamed of my height. I can't hide it. It's OK for him he's a bloke he doesn't feel self-conscious about it in the way I do after years of being taller than most women.

It sounds weird but I don't even notice my height anymore. There's so many tall girls now. But when he makes a thing of it it reminds me.

There would be an explosion in this house if my DH spoke to me like that.

OP, this is downright nasty. I don’t swear at my husband - but I would do if he made those comments. Two short words.

I was cross.

But then of course I'm overreacting.

Cue discussion about me.