Aibu to decline my child going to birthday party.

[Singlemamabear]

Hi,
it’s about my friends daughters birthday who’s turning 6. My friend initially inviteded me and my daughter to her birthday, she told me she will be going to a petting zoo and has booked a petting zoo package for 8 people. She told me her daughters already chosen 8 class mates so I would have to pay for my child’s ticket. The petting zoo was very very far so I couldn’t bring my daughter regardless.
its now been a few weeks I’ve heard nothing from her, she’s now texted me today and asked if me and my daughter would like to come to Lego land for her child’s birthday on Tuesday ( I guess she’s changed plans) I agreed to which she then texted me “ you took your daughter CBeebies land in a vclass for her birthday can we do that for Tuesday ? Can you please arrange that and we go halves? If anything I’ll pay”
(a vclass is a modern version of a limousine but with tv and PlayStation etc)
sorry but I think this was out of order. Yes I rented a v class for my daughters birthday but that’s my daughter and I paid ALL COSTS. I think it’s out of order she invites us and then asks me to pay half for a v class I didn’t ask for nor arrange for her child’s birthday ?! She keeps inviting me and my child to these birthday plans but wanting us to pay ontop. V classes are very expensive btw, it ranges from 500-1000 depending on trip and hours so why should I go halves for her daughters birthday ?! Bear in mind this is not my family, nor best friend just a friend. It’s really upsetting me and I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable.
i saved up my money to take my daughter to CBeebies land in a vclass and I didn’t expect a penny from anyone I invited. She’s inviting me last minute and asking me to pay ?! It’s really upset me honestly. I would never make anyone pay for anything on my daughters birthday and she also knows that in a child’s birthday you pay for everything hence why she paid for the class mates zoo tickets. (I’m not sure wether they went or not but she said she’s already paid for it )
And also asking me to arrange it I feel is very out of order when I’m already busy as it is being a mum.
I honestly want to end this friendship. Am I being unreasonable

I genuinely can't figure out her thinking.

Clararly she’s in the wrong.
That aside, I preferred Tallers’ reply. This reply can be used by her and twisted to make you seem unreasonable when she talks to other mums.

🤔

And limos for six year olds

🤔

If you pay for it, she will never give you half the cost.

Mental. 'I'd like to do Disney for dd's birthday, can you book the flights for all of us and I'll pay you halves? Actually if you don't mind paying for all of it because I didn't charge you for the v-class for dd's birthday last year'

The CFs of Mumsnet never fail to amaze me. Just when you think you've heard it all.

This all sounds like competitive parenting on steroids.

Yes she was being a CF. But you paid in excess of £1k for a SIX YEAR OLD's birthday party? And I know your daughter is autistic and I've read your subsequent posts about public transport but these kinds of parties are totally and utterly ridiculous. The children are SIX.

At that age, they are so excited about the concept of a birthday and seeing their little friends that you could literally tell them you were all going on a trip to Tesco and they'd be beside themselves with glee. And yes, I obviously don't treat my children to a trip to Tesco on their birthdays and they've had wonderful birthdays, but children are low maintenance when you get a few friends together. This kind of excess is absolutely bonkers and particularly if this isn't necessarily disposable income and something you have to actually save for.

I think your friend sounds rather dim and feels she has to compete with these grand gestures. Given the extravagance, she probably assumes that you have lots of disposable income and she, in her ultra CFness believes that you won't miss £500.

Please put a stop to this fresh hell and bring your children to a play centre or hire an Elsa for an hour but hiring a limo is ridiculous.

And I'd block your friend regardless.

Wow the cheeky! “ Hi “friend”, more than happy to send you the rental details over, but obviously haven’t budgeted for this expense so will be unable to contribute, I bet X is so excited for her party!”

She's insane

You get invited to a party

You don't get asked to pay towards it

Why on Earth would you pay for her daughters birthday transport

I'd respond, 'Yes, but when we take an Uber, it is for both of our benefits. Transportation for your daughter's birthday is only for your benefit. How could you possibly think I'd be willing to pay half of a cost of 1K? I can give you the site address so you can book it. My child and I will not be attending, though, as we are both busy with other commitments."

That's what I thought! I wonder if the children actually want this...it seems a little excessive.

Probably because you're both going to the same destination so it's obvious you'll share the cost.

Cheeky bugger asking you to pay out for half the cost of her daughters birthday party when she'd already told you that you'd have to buy your own tickets for the petting zoo party.

I wouldn't have been able to hold back in the first place from sending a message informing her that I think she'd sent the v class message to the wrong person as not even she'd be that cheeky in expecting "me" to contribute towards paying such an amount for her DD's party.

Sorry... you got a vclass for a 6 year old's birthday party?

Many years ago, I remember an acquaintance getting a limo for her 18th birthday which I thought was massively excessive... though that was an 18th birthday at least. But a 6 year old?

Any more replies OP?

She's using you as a cash cow!! 😤 🐮

This 🤣. She’s so cheeky

This was fun. I'm amazed that people like this exist.

YABU for taking your 6 yr old in a limo to CBeebiesland (yes, I have RTFT - still bonkers)

Ofc your friend is BU

There are children who cannot be certain of enough to eat over the holidays and you pay £1000 for a six year olds birthday party.

I don't know which one of you is worse. However, I'd think it reasonable to not be friends any more.

This. You're all batshit to be doing this for a kids birthday

Perfect reply.

Your "friend" is a cheeky wotsit.
But I think you've also been unreasonable - spending so much on a 6yo is silly to me - particularly if you've got to scrimp and save just to manage it. Also consider what your child will expect when she is 10 etc given how much you've spent on her birthdays so far.
Love and time and joy = perfect recipe for kids.

OP just tell her to piss off! What a bloody cheek 😡

Why does everyone have issue with how much OP spent on her child’s birthday. Who cares? It’s her money to do as she pleases with.

I think, If I were you,a virus would be coming the way of my family....and we'd unfortunately not be able to make it. Sad face