DH won’t stop talking

[Notpop]

We’re on holiday with a group of friends and their various DCs, some teens, some young adults. When we’re all together for example at dinner or drinks DH just dominates the conversation to the extent I can see people just glaze over. He has no idea that no one is interested in the constant stream of words he’s producing and that no one else can get a word in edgeways. My own DC get fed up with it and often won’t sit anywhere near him and he doesn’t take kindly to any form of criticism whether it be constructive or just plain telling him how it is. It’s becoming embarrassing both for him and me. AIBU or should we all just suck it up?

Funny how men who don’t ‘take kindly to any form of criticism’ are also self regarding bores. I would have to tell him straight to stfu.

This is one of those bad breath / body odour type ones. A bloody awkward conversation to have with the potential of offending him but you’re married and it needs saying. How about, “I think you could be a more sensitive communicator. You aren’t letting other people contribute and don’t seem to be interested in checking to see how people are responding to you.”

I have a similar situation.

1. When he's monologuing, I do interrupt. If he objects to me interrupting I remind him that this is supposed to be a convo, not a lecture. (He has learned from this and recognises his tendency to monologue. Don't know if your DH has this ability.)
2. Start side convos. DH kicks off, turn to the person sitting next to you, ask.them how tje <whatnot> went, where he got <whatever> etc. Just cos biggob is spouting doesn't mean you habe to pay court. You (all of you) are enabling him.

@cupcaske123 Oh God yes!!!
If anyone comes round and mentions they are going somewhere, I cringe, because I know what's coming next. And however hard I try to interject and shut him down, he'll wait ten seconds, looking put out and then continue!!!
"What I'd suggest is, take the M62, onto the... blah blah blah..."
I usually say, please shut up, they've been before, they have a phone with a sat nav on, they know where they're going... All to no avail, because he isn't happy until he's told them the route and alternatives for roadworks! Drives me insane!

They sound separated at birth. Except my BIL is horrendously un pc, loves winding people up with his bigot bombs.

Could you approach from a different angle with him?

Mention research that as we age we should really practice asking questions of others, really listening and remembering. That the brain stays more active & agile & youngful the more we gathering information and apply active listening. Challenge him to give it a go and both of you compare notes after an evening as to what you remember others saying. Worth a shot.

May give you both something new to talk about (possibly at length 😉).

Can you make a joke out of it, maybe 'bloody hell Mike you've barely caught your breath you've been talking that much, let Anut Jean get a word in'

Couple of folks like this in my family...

A few times, after excruciating incidences like this, I asked 'so what did X think about that... ' and 'what did Y say to that' a few times... and then when they can't actually tell me, I point out they have NO idea what anyone else thought or said, because no one else could get a fucking word in and they were boring the arse off everyone.

That or a raised eyebrow in the moment and then a 'is this a monologue or can anyone else join in?'...

Does she though? I realised years ago that being my husband's social monitor really stressed and exhausted me. She is not responsible for teaching him how to behave or bearing the embarrassment of other people's annoyance at him or his anger if she explains.

OP I think you should just decide it is his problem, not yours, and you have no responsibility for it at all. I get up and wander into another room if someone is dominating the conversation: clear the table or fetch more wine or make tea or just stroll outside to gaze at the stars. Or I turn to someone near me and start a quiet conversation of my own. Relax, do that, and show others by your actions that it is fine, as far as you're concerned, to do the same.

Can you say to him...

Why dont you try to find out two new things about everyone around the table....
He HAS to ask questions and listen...

Ah, I do this sometimes and stop myself by saying 'Oops, I'm waffling again - don't mind me, I don't get out much'.

Also I want a tshirt I saw that says 'Skip Intro'.

I am filled with admiration for the friend of mine who once announced loudly to the man who was doing exactly this - "Why is what you've got to say more important than anyone else? For fuck sake?"

His face was a picture but it did the job.

My father was the same way and it only improved when he was diagnosed with dementia about the only positive about that disease

I have an uncle like this. We all used to joke about it and no-one wanted to sit near him at family gatherings. He isn't horrible but sooooo boring. He would drone on about his work for hours. Never actually listened to anything you said or asked you any questions, just loved the sound of his own voice 😩 I'm not sure what the answer is... did you not notice this about him before you married him? You could say something to him but I doubt he's going to change.

My SIL is like this and it’s utterly draining. At family get togethers, I just want to have a laugh and a drink but she is so unbelievably intense. Never talks about anything light hearted - it’s all about illnesses, how fab she is at her job, a documentary she saw (which she’ll explain in every detail till you’ve totally lost the will to live). No one ever wants to get stuck with her.

It’s insane - how are people not aware that they do it?

Why don't you want to hurt his feelings? Why can't you just tell him how boring and rude he's being? He's the one upsetting people!

The dreaded words of the bore after you have spoken a dozen words:

'That reminds me........ '

to everything you mention followed by a 10 minute monologue.

I think the key thing here OP is: how is he likely to respond to you pointing this out? People do all sorts of annoying things, but it’s only a problem if their ego is so big/tender they can’t accept or respond to feedback.

And I really feel for you! I’ve experienced enough Important Men Who Wear Suits To Work in my life to avoid them like the plague. I hope he’s got his good points too!

Sounds like my sort of guy.

Actually sounds like ME!

Bunnying on 😆 I’m surprised none of his mates have told him to shut the fuck up way before they went away.

I’m a chatterbox and have really learned to ask more questions and listen.

Dh is in a different league. Fortunately our friends tell him they can’t get a word in when he doesn’t shut up.
I have occasionally told trades people to just leave if they need to as I can see them edging towards the front door whilst dh is waffling.

Love this!

Let him get upset when you spell it out to him.
His own children don't want to be around it, which is far worse.
Why haven't you spelt it out to him already.
He can't take any criticism either?
So he's aggressive/abusive too?

Time for a rethink.
Your poor children.

Gosh I have a friend like this. She’s very into a particular sport and goes on about it for hours, minute details of all her plans for competitions including a step by step guide to her training and food consumption in the run up. It’s so boring. If anyone tries to change topics she talks over them. She’s totally oblivious to the fact that she dominates conversations. We only meet up in a group now as I can’t cope with her on her own.