DH won’t stop talking

[Notpop]

We’re on holiday with a group of friends and their various DCs, some teens, some young adults. When we’re all together for example at dinner or drinks DH just dominates the conversation to the extent I can see people just glaze over. He has no idea that no one is interested in the constant stream of words he’s producing and that no one else can get a word in edgeways. My own DC get fed up with it and often won’t sit anywhere near him and he doesn’t take kindly to any form of criticism whether it be constructive or just plain telling him how it is. It’s becoming embarrassing both for him and me. AIBU or should we all just suck it up?

Not for life, but she’s on holiday with friends and feels embarrassed herself. So she can try changing the situation by being assertive enough to let him know he can’t always have the floor.

Ha ha love 7” version!! He’s definitely getting worse over the years and yes he’s in a senior position at work so I guess he’s used to colleagues being paid to listen to him. I don’t want to hurt his feelings but maybe I’ll think of other ways to say 7” version! Thanks for your comments ❤️

No one said it’s her fault and no one said it’s women smoothing things over for a man. It’s about asserting yourself in a situation where someone is doing something is not OK.

She does need to have a word for both their sakes.
My FIL droned on and MIL just looks on admiringly . It is awful to see friends looking on with embarrassment unable to escape or say anything .

Is there another adult on holiday with you who you feel you can confide in about the issue @Notpop? Perhaps if 2 of you team up, maybe with a couple of changes of subject up your sleeves that you can slot in, you might be able to head him off? If it's not just you he may be more likely to get the message, and others may leap at the chance to join a different conversation. Worth a try!

DH is the most talkative person I’ve ever met, he can jabber away for ages! And even more so after a few drinks.

Fortunately he is aware of how talkative he is so if I give him a look he picks up the cue pretty quickly, or he sometimes notices it himself.

you need to broach it repeatedly when he’s sober.

You just have to bite the bullet and be straight with him.

Be blunt. It's embarrassing and you are fed up.

He's being rude and not interesting in part because he won't listen and let a conversation flow.

Tell him everyone's eyes glaze over. Tell him your children make an exit.

Or be the wife that gets socially marginalised because of their husband's behaviour.

this is what I do with my DH now. It feels so rude but it means I get to hear what other people have to say and not just DH.

In my experience people like the OP's husband don't "get the message". All they are interested in is the sound of their own voice.

OP has said there are people around the dinner table whose eyes are visibly glazing over, even his own kids don't want to sit with or near him.

He needs telling bluntly, his behaviour is rude and embarassing and he's a total bore.

I very likely have adhd and whilst as a girl/woman I have learned to mask my Olympic style ability to talk shite, sometimes it happens. Usually in the form of voice notes or emails, definitely when I’ve had a few drinks 🤣. The former I have had friends say ‘look mate, can you give me the cliff notes because I’m not listening to you chat bollocks for the next 5 minutes about 15 different subjects that you ‘just remembered’’. I’m not offended 🤷‍♀️.

I have a relative like this!
Recently discovered he is actually quite deaf and has started using hearing aids..
Turns out he couldnt hear other people speaking so just filled in the gaps.. that only he could(n't) hear!!

God I'd find that so unbearably unattractive in a partner

My DH is a bit like like this I'm afraid, he's a lovely kind man and feels terrible when I point it out, but he can't half go on. He's not a 'loud' person in personality but he does have quite a loud voice and it can seem quite domineering.

He's got a pretty thick skin when it's just us, so I just say 'I don't really have time for this' when he's on a ramble and ask him to get to the point, but in company I try to do what others have said and interrupt and redirect like 'oh Sam, didn't that happen to your sister?' or 'John what do you think?' in the hope he gets the point.

My DH isn't senior at work btw but he has a job that involves advocating for other people and has been in that work for decades, so I think this plays into things because he is literally paid to speak on other people's behalf a lot of the time.

Has anyone ever spoken to him about it? If so, how did he react?

My DH is like it too. I'm very blunt. I've told him jokingly I really do think you like the sound of your own voice. He's from a family of talkers, who think they are correct all the time. It's tedious. My usual ways to end the drivel are

1. you're giving me headache
2. you're ranting, I don't think you're aware but you're ranting now.
3. I can't cope, you haven't paused for breath. My children are the same, however so I guess they all compete with one another.

My husband is like this and over the last few days I've come to the conclusion that I can't bear it anymore and want a divorce. He is incredulous. He won't stop drinking and won't believe no one else is enjoying his monologues. He thinks I'm out of order and it's because I don't drink anymore, but I think I've just seen what he's really like.

Anyone else's go on about roads? My BIL wants to know which route you took, why you didn't turn off at the A231 junction and go directly onto the B47.

Malcolm, can you hurry up and get to the punchline, then STFU.

I have a relative like that, no one is brave enough to mention it though so we tend to all end up chatting quietly to the people sitting next to us and he fades away eventually. Can you try sitting away from him and chatting to a smaller group?

Or, if you have any close friends in the group, have a secret plan to all start playing games looking bored on your phone when he goes on?

There are definite parallels with elements of ND and being an old git, 🤔

I often tell students I’d like the short version when they go into convoluted stories about why they don’t have their books etc. It’s possible to be polite without offending them, surely you can just tell him? I think you may need to interrupt him if he keeps doing it at dinner. I would hate this on a holiday, I don’t want monologues, it’s why I can’t spend time with my mother when she’s drinking.

Grateful for all your messages. I think I’ll try and address it when it’s just the two of us but I also do try and interrupt, particularly during long monologues but it ain’t easy without being accused of interrupting

I do have adhd and definitely annoy people talking. I'm somewhat better now I'm older but since being menopausal, I have lost my words and ability to listen to my DH rant...so I yell "fewer words" at him, which is quite the double standard...

But we get on and don't have to mince words.

I'd not be happy in OP's position as I used to watch my DM talking and recognise the glazed look well.

My grandma is like this. I’ve got to the point where when I go over I don’t even attempt to say anything. I just sit there and let the nonsense wash over me.

She doesn’t require any input at all! she will just talk and talk and talk- ask no questions to me at all.

Once I accepted she was this way and stopped trying to say anything at all, it made things a lot easier.

I don’t see her super often though, so god knows how I’d cope with a partner like that 🙈

And no this is not age she has been like that at least 30 years!