I don't think I'm wrong

[autienotnaughty]

So today I'm off work and had ds (who is high needs due to asd /developmental delays) did a combination of activities and screen time this morning (use the screen time as a op to get housework done) Took ds out this afternoon.

Dh worked from home 8-1. Then he mowed lawn and tidied garden.

When I got back around 4 dh was prepping tea. I noticed water on the work top dripping to the floor. Dh had clearly been running the tap and as he had left his pots in the sink (not the dishwasher) it had splashed/ran off the pots on to work top. This has happened before and I've mentioned it as he just leaves it. The annoying thing is we have a half sink with no pots in he could use. I said there's water dripping to the floor. No reply.

I walked the dog and when I got back it was still dripping. I mentioned the work top will warp if we keep leaving it covered in water. (Dh said it won't)

Dh angrily grabbed a hand towel mopped some (but not all) of the water then threw the wet tea towel in the hall and said happy now? I said not really given it's still dripping and you used a hand towel to clean it up. He stormed out the room.

I left it a few minutes then went in. I sat down and explained that when he makes messes and leaves them for me to clean it feels like he values his time more than mine and he's too important to clean up.

Dh then retorted that I don't always put the cutlery in the right sections. I said that's not the same as spilling something and leaving it for someone else to clean.

Dh got angry and started shouting and swearing saying I never appreciate anything he does ( not true I always thank him for doing jobs etc )

I asked him not to shout and swear at me and he told me to stop taking the moral high ground and stormed off (again)

Am I wrong if he makes a mess to expect him to clean it up.?

He’s BU for being a grumpy fucker. But it does sound a bit tit for tat from you to be honest. I’m forever leaving stuff around and DH clears it up and vice versa. Your husband is definitely U though!!

Your not wrong and I would be pissed off at his fucking attitude how old is he? Three?

Sorry but that sounds incredibly picky and he’d already done quite a bit and you come back and start over a bit of water. I’m with your DH on this to be honest unless there’s a massive back story of him doing nothing and leaving loss of mess. It’s a bit of water

“Dh got angry and started shouting and swearing saying I never appreciate anything he does ( not true I always thank him for doing jobs etc )”

There’s a man who thinks he’s doing you a favour even stepping foot in a kitchen. Ugh where they learn this ingrained misogyny that women just exist to clear shit up?

Why didn’t you just wipe it when you saw it rather than store it up for an argument?

I mean, obviously he was out of order for shouting etc but it does seem like the whole thing could have been avoided.

Probably to point out the fact that they both had full days? She wasn't sitting on her arse doing fuck all? She did chores and kid shit then went out and did dog shit and he continually made a mess and left it for her to clean up

I don't think you are wrong but I also don't think it is any surprise that he reacted the way he did. If he cared about the mess he would have sorted it, if he doesn't he also doesn't want to be told that he should.

It was still dripping? At some point he needs to learn how to stop doing this

Was he still prepping tea when you got back from the dog walk? Tbh if you've mentioned it I'd just think he'd tidy it all up together after making the food.

I think mentioning it once, going on a dog walk to come back and mention it again, for him to remove himself from the situation only to be followed by you and given a sit down discussion on why he's in the wrong does sound a bit OTT.

😂 no actually I have a different issue on my mind

I see the ‘useless men’ handmaids have already arrived ready to mop his brow poor love. It’s all your fault apparently op. Shame on you for not mopping it up yourself - he’s tried his hardest and he’s only a poor man. He can’t be expected to be competent domestically but you are. 🙄

Because I always do it

He helps with housework/dc but doesn't see mess

So what? Wipe it down and tell him what you’ve done and why. It really doesn’t need to be a learning activity or the beginning of an argument.

This doesn’t make sense… he helps with housework but doesn’t see mess?

Yes he had finished he was looking at his phone

Are you alright?

I can’t speak for others but I’d do exactly the same for female friends, my daughter, mum etc

If one person is doing something and there’s an accident going on (water dripping) and you ignore it just to make a point, I can’t help but wonder what is going through your mind.

If he does it all the time then yes it would irritate me and I would say it was worth this argument so that going forward he has learned his lesson

A warped worktop would drive me nuts! I’d need to get a new one or move house!

Yes it’s really not to do with him being a man.

if I’d worked all morning then mowed the lawn and clearer the garden and was prepping dinner and DH came in and said “there’s water dripping there”. I’d think “well mop it up then”

if he then went out for a walk, came back mentioned it again without doing anything about it and then followed me into another room to berate me for it loads of posters would be telling me to LTB

I think a lot of marriages have arguments like that...

"This thing you do annoys me, and I've told you that, but you keep doihg it."

"Well, what do you know - that thing you do annoys me, and I've told you, and you keep doing it."

"Yeah, but the thing I do that annoys you doesn't matter, and the thing you do that annoys me matters a lot."

"Well it matters to me. And the other thing doesn't."

"That's because you have no idea what really matters!"

"And here we are again. What you mean is, nothing that I care about matters."

....no one's right, are they? No one's going to win. And it's not even childish, because children don't argue like that. Only grown-ups.