I don't think I'm wrong

[autienotnaughty]

So today I'm off work and had ds (who is high needs due to asd /developmental delays) did a combination of activities and screen time this morning (use the screen time as a op to get housework done) Took ds out this afternoon.

Dh worked from home 8-1. Then he mowed lawn and tidied garden.

When I got back around 4 dh was prepping tea. I noticed water on the work top dripping to the floor. Dh had clearly been running the tap and as he had left his pots in the sink (not the dishwasher) it had splashed/ran off the pots on to work top. This has happened before and I've mentioned it as he just leaves it. The annoying thing is we have a half sink with no pots in he could use. I said there's water dripping to the floor. No reply.

I walked the dog and when I got back it was still dripping. I mentioned the work top will warp if we keep leaving it covered in water. (Dh said it won't)

Dh angrily grabbed a hand towel mopped some (but not all) of the water then threw the wet tea towel in the hall and said happy now? I said not really given it's still dripping and you used a hand towel to clean it up. He stormed out the room.

I left it a few minutes then went in. I sat down and explained that when he makes messes and leaves them for me to clean it feels like he values his time more than mine and he's too important to clean up.

Dh then retorted that I don't always put the cutlery in the right sections. I said that's not the same as spilling something and leaving it for someone else to clean.

Dh got angry and started shouting and swearing saying I never appreciate anything he does ( not true I always thank him for doing jobs etc )

I asked him not to shout and swear at me and he told me to stop taking the moral high ground and stormed off (again)

Am I wrong if he makes a mess to expect him to clean it up.?

@sunsetsandboardwalks I was getting the dogs lead on (very excited lab) and dh was stood in the kitchen

But you got back from walking the dog, saw it was still dripping and still left it

I'm not saying he shouldn't have cleaned it up, just that your reason for him doing it doesn't make much sense when you also left it sitting there.

Mm I do understand your point but it does seem a bit nit-picky and bickering over nothing. I think it would be fair if he didn't do anything at all to help but it sounds like you both did your share and it's just making a mountain out of a mole hill. Personally I'd just clean it up and move on

Sorry, but you do sound a bit bossy and inclined to find fault. Are you an I-speak-my-mind kind of person? Maybe you two aren't suited long term?

There’s a lot of projection going on here.

‘Shouldn’t have to’ is one of those statements which often leads to arguments, it’s an opinion stated as fact. ‘I don’t want to feel I have to….’ Is perhaps more representative of the fact that this is about you (in the generic sense) and your feelings.

There have been other examples here of where both parties have annoying habits, and there aren’t necessarily ‘rights and wrongs’, it’s up to both parties to decide how they deal with that.
a) quickly resolve the issue bothering them
b) explain that it bothers them and ask them not to do it agin
c) tell them they’re doing it wrong and need to do it your way

There are probably others too but for me, it’s more harmonious, if I spot something that I’m worried is going to damage something, to deal with it there and then, especially if it only takes seconds. Just like if I was in the middle of something and something was being damaged, I’d hope that DH would do the same rather than tell me off.