I don't think I'm wrong

[autienotnaughty]

So today I'm off work and had ds (who is high needs due to asd /developmental delays) did a combination of activities and screen time this morning (use the screen time as a op to get housework done) Took ds out this afternoon.

Dh worked from home 8-1. Then he mowed lawn and tidied garden.

When I got back around 4 dh was prepping tea. I noticed water on the work top dripping to the floor. Dh had clearly been running the tap and as he had left his pots in the sink (not the dishwasher) it had splashed/ran off the pots on to work top. This has happened before and I've mentioned it as he just leaves it. The annoying thing is we have a half sink with no pots in he could use. I said there's water dripping to the floor. No reply.

I walked the dog and when I got back it was still dripping. I mentioned the work top will warp if we keep leaving it covered in water. (Dh said it won't)

Dh angrily grabbed a hand towel mopped some (but not all) of the water then threw the wet tea towel in the hall and said happy now? I said not really given it's still dripping and you used a hand towel to clean it up. He stormed out the room.

I left it a few minutes then went in. I sat down and explained that when he makes messes and leaves them for me to clean it feels like he values his time more than mine and he's too important to clean up.

Dh then retorted that I don't always put the cutlery in the right sections. I said that's not the same as spilling something and leaving it for someone else to clean.

Dh got angry and started shouting and swearing saying I never appreciate anything he does ( not true I always thank him for doing jobs etc )

I asked him not to shout and swear at me and he told me to stop taking the moral high ground and stormed off (again)

Am I wrong if he makes a mess to expect him to clean it up.?

@Coconutter24 I see your point. So he will put a wash on, fill dishwasher (the daily jobs) He cooks on a weekend. He does the garden and bins.

He will Hoover or clean a bathroom if I ask

He never dusts, sweeps, cleans windows, declutters.

I do work less hours though so it's fair more falls to me.

@surprisedavailable the other issue is more personal. If it makes you feel better im stewing about this now

He might find your approach/reminders irritating, but that doesn't give him the right to react violently. That's the problem, not the lead-up. He needs to stop trying to intimidate you into being quiet about things.

It's difficult really. If someone is generally a good partner then I don't see the merit in picking them up on every little fault. We've all got them because we're humans, not robots. We've all got our strengths and weaknesses. If the marriage is mostly sound then I personally wouldn't cause an exhaustive row, or sit someone down for an authoratitive diatribe, about pots, pans or cutlery.

Change the worktop. We have a solid wood one too, absolute nightmare with dp who just leaves it wet all the time. He's great with lots of stuff and does his fair share, but I've changed the worktop (just fixed and then polyurethaned) so that this is no longer an issue.

Fix the known trouble spots so they don't continue and cause more work and resentment. Saves bickering and stress.

Given the things you have both done today I think this is just really nit picking from you OP to be honest. If I had just finished prepping dinner and was having some chill time on my phone after a day of working and doing jobs I’d walk off if my husband winged at me about this as well

Not for the first time this month I find myself asking, "Why would anyone set a kitchen sink in a surround that can't get wet?"

When I asked that recently, I got shouted at. Just so you know.

Because she shouldn’t have to think for him as well as clean up after him. He did a half assed job and then got stroppy when she asked him to do it properly.

Why is he ok with water pissing everywhere? What is going through his mind that he can’t mop up some water without having a little temper tantrum. Because he thinks it’s her job, that’s why.

The countertop won't warp. You sound OTT.

If it’s just this then you do sound a bit annoying- I wouldn’t be impressed if my husband followed me around telling me I hadn’t wiped something rather than just wiping it himself. I think getting shouty and sweary about it is a bit much though, although people have different norms about this stuff- I’ve probably sworn at my husband in anger twice in 20 years so for me that would be a big deal, while some people swear every day.

Agree with PP about wooden worktops. Madness.

How does water on a work top drip ?

Please put cutlery in the proper sections and also the correct way round.

Yours in my opinion is the worse crime of the two!

Another one who doesn't understand why when you were stood there when you first spotted the water you didn't just do a quick wipe over. Yes his time isn't more valuable than yours but by the same token he didn't have an issue with it and you did.

Funnily, I have the same issue with my counter and water splashing/dripping so I see where you are coming from. However, I usually clean it up because they are my counters I don't want to have warped. The only time I had a proper go is when I went away for two weeks and came back to a stinky puddle which was clearly not wiped for two weeks. Now, I don't care what state the house is in when I am away but I do expect it to be decent when I get back. I would be mighty unimpressed if my partner was shouting and swearing at me in response to me mentioning that this is a persistent issue and I do clean it myself but where does one draw the line...
ETA: I now put down a bit of folded paper towel just behind the tap which I swap over in the morning. It catches the water and keeps my relationship conflict-free.

I would have just wiped up the water without even thinking about it to be honest. Takes 5 seconds. Life is too short to have a sit down talk about every little thing. I'm sure you do things that irritate DH too. Sometimes it's best to just let the little things go? My DH has an irritating habit of leaving drawers and cupboards open - used to drive me mad, now I just close them. He puts up with all my irritating habits too!

@Catza I'm glad you found a solution .

This is caused by him running the water full pelt on to a sink full of pots while he rinses veg or washes his hands. The water then bounces off the pots/runs down directly onto the work surface it's enough so the water sits on top of the work top dripping down and was still dripping an hour later.

Even slightly more frustrating we have a small sink next to the large one. Which is empty, if he moved the tap a couple of inches it would not happen.

Good advice. I guess it's partly because it's a fairly new kitchen and I don't want it to look like shit. There's plenty of other stuff I say nothing on (and vice versa I'm sure)

It sounds like you both do your fair share. Whilst little things like this are annoying I wouldn’t let it cause arguments between you. If he was a lazy so and so then yes I’d see why you’d have a go but given he also does a lot I’d let it slide

This, it can't be that bad if you're happy enough to see it and walk away?

@DoreenonTill8 I was putting dogs lead on and dh was in the kitchen. It would have taken him a few seconds to clean it up

It would be incredibly irritating to live with someone who puts the cutlery in the wrong sections. Just why?

Sounds like lack of communication, talk to each other about how you feel when the other dose something to upset you? Or if you don't feel comfortable doing that , both write it down and swap

Yeah, I know all of it is incredibly frustrating. I don't get the water on the counter when I wash up but everyone else does somehow and I usually have to clean it up several times a day. Some people just don't have spatial awareness, I guess. I'm fuming for you and myself. Still, I decided I can't change everyone so I am just focusing on not losing my shit with it. As I said, I would go ballistic if my partner started swearing at me, throwing things around and acting like a child when I remind him to be careful and at least try not to make a mess.

You can't have been that bothered about the counter warping if you happily walked past the dripping water several times and didn't do anything about it.

Because it doesn't cause harm unlike pools of water damaging my work too

If you were that bothered by the damage, why not clean it up?

Your not wrong to expect him to clean up after himself but I see where he is coming from. He worked, then did the garden, you came home to him making tea and washing up and rather than just get a towel and wipe up the spill whilst he is busy you have a go at him.
If I spotted something dripping that takes seconds to wipe up I would just wipe it myself. Sounds like you were looking for an excuse to have a go at him.