AIBU to choose holidays / activities / future savings over a bigger house?

[Izzosaura]

My DH and I share a 10-month-old DD. We are pretty confident we don't want any more children. DH is a fair bit older than I am and we live in a house that he bought decades back; he finished paying the mortgage off a few years ago. I'm aware that this immediately puts us in a really lucky position.

It's a smallish terraced house - 3 rooms up and 3 rooms down. All rooms are fairly small. There are two bedrooms and DD's in particular isn't very generous in size unfortunately. There is a nice little garden. The area isn't very 'desirable' on paper but the location does work well for us - we're close to DH's family and to mine, walking distance from schools and children's play areas, a 5-min drive from where DH and I both work and there are lovely dog walks close by.

DH and I have both recently moved into new roles at work with higher salaries (still not that high as we both work in the public sector in non-senior-management positions, but enough to make a nice difference). Our first instinct was to buy a new house together with a bigger bedroom for DD, a bigger garden for her to play in and more room for guests. However, our current house isn't worth a great deal and I didn't own my own home before meeting DH so don't have that to bring to the party. We've worked out that to buy a house locally that is appreciably larger, we're going to be about £150,000 short - and that is assuming we get the asking price for our current house and that we pour all of our combined savings into the new one.

My DH is about 10 years' from retirement and from my shopping around so far, that understandably has a big impact on the sort of mortgage we're able to get.

AIBU to suggest just staying in this house? My thinking is that:

• We will get to stay mortgage-free and DH won't have the pressure on his shoulders to keep working for longer than he wants to.
• When he does retire and our household income drops dramatically, we will still be able to afford some holidays and treats. If we were still paying a mortgage off, things would be a lot tighter.

It seems like loads of families cope with having relatively little space, and I'd hope that things like family holidays, nice days out and saving more towards her future would more than make up for things being a bit cramped for DD... Or am I being naive? Some in my family have suggested we're being short-sighted and even selfish if we make this choice.

Once again, I'm aware that being in this position is a luxury. Thanks so much to anyone who has taken the time to read this and has any insights to share!

YABU - you should take the opportunity to move, even if it means belt-tightening.
YANBU - it's fine to stay in a smaller house, even if it's a bit cramped.

I really don't see any advantage to moving? Assuming that your DD's room can fit a single bed then I don't see any issues? In the future if she wants sleepovers then she can take over one of the downstairs rooms (what I did with a room too small for sleepovers).

Everything depends on what your priorities are. I spend quite a lot of time at home, so I want to live in a comfortable and pleasant environment.

I’d prefer that to expensive holidays, but everyone has different expectations and opinions. One child, three up, three down house, doesn’t sound cramped, so stay put and save your money.

Sounds like a valid point - what would we gain? I'll admit that DH and I do already find the house a bit cramped and I imagine that problem will only get worse as DD gets older and accumulates more stuff (but then not having a buggy, playpen, toyboxes etc will free up lots of space, so perhaps it will balance out a bit...?) I suspect that some of the people in my family in particular urging us to move, it might be a bit of a snobbery-type thing - bigger house = bigger status. They say stuff like 'with your salaries you should live somewhere nicer'... but 'should' we? Their argument doesn't make sense to me.

Assuming your name is now on deeds for current house, there's absolutely no problem with it. Having the peace of mind that comes with not having a mortgage is priceless. And you'll have more possibilities to afford tutoring, music lessons, ballet, horseriding, whatever for your daughter in future. No-brainer really.

Absolutely I can't see a reason to move. The cost of moving, taking on a mortgage 10 years from retirement , further from family, more to clean...no thanks!! Having a smaller room.means DD will recognise need not to accumulate 'stuff'.she doesn't love.or need as she gets.older. Enjoy life!

I think the amount of stuff you end up accumulating is pretty dictated by the space you have. Outside space for storage of bikes / scooters is helpful though.

Can you look at a loft conversion, cheaper than moving and would give DD a bigger room.

We’ve been making this choice recently, or similar. We live in a house much smaller and more modest then our salaries could afford; but it’s a good location and, although it’s big enough, we would like a little more space. The garden is very small too.

We could move…..or we could enjoy having a small mortgage and go on holidays, have meals out, go on weekends away etc etc. We’ve decided to stay put. The kids aren’t bothered about moving; location is their mai priority so they are close to their friends and school.

YANBU. I've brought my DS up in a flat. Quite honestly if I didn't have a child I'd be happy living in a caravan. I live for life experiences, not bricks and mortar. It's each to their own of course but for me a no brained.

As someone who grew up in a 3 bed flat with 3 generations of family under the same roof, I am for quality of life over a big house. You have 6 rooms, that's plenty for a comfortable life. I would focus on decluttering before making any further decisions about moving. Presumably, you have 3 bedrooms? Is there another child living with you? If so, are they old enough to be heading off to uni shortly?

Seconding @Merrow's argument here. DH & I have just called off a move to another city for the same reason. Yes, more space is nice to have, but is it worth the stress and upheaval of moving house, then pinching your pennies, not going on holiday, worrying about money? Deciding, positively, to stay where you are could be the most freeing thing you can do.

Maybe, because you've already had one foot out the door, you've avoided spending on this house? If the fancy takes you, you could also put a percentage of what you'd spend moving into getting your present house as good as it could be.

They have loads of stuff for a bit and then all of a sudden reach about ten and don’t need lots of the big things- car garages, Barbie houses etc. once they’re high school age they’re rooms are much less cluttered

I think there’s no pressing need to decide right now. Why not see how much you can put aside in savings, and then revisit the choice again in a few years?
We’re also mortgage-free and live in a small house (bought 20 years ago) with 2 kids - we thought we never wanted to move but we are now outgrowing the house and starting to think about it (dp works full time from home - at the dining table which is hard in school holidays - and teenage dd is really too big for the tiny box room and doesn’t want to invite friends over as there’s nowhere to hang out). There’s not much space to extend without losing all the garden (and it might be cheaper and less stressful just to move). Since paying off the mortgage a few years ago we’ve nearly saved enough to upgrade outright. With a 10 month old, future schools are definitely a consideration - are you in the catchment area of schools you’d want her to go to in the future?

I don’t think you necessarily need to move for space but I would be checking quality of the schools before you make a final decision on staying/extending mortgage. Primary is potentially less of a consideration but secondary might be more so. I only say this because I’m seeing a huge amount of soul searching among my peers about moving house now our kids are approaching the end of primary as no-one likes our catchment secondary. If a move later on is a possibility, you’d be better to do it now while you can still get a mortgage prior to your DH retiring.

Does the "less desirable" area mean less desirable schools? I know your dc is tiny, but all my moves post dc have been about catchment area, so if you do move really consider that.

See how you feel in a couple of years. I was in a similar position and had two kids in a small but mortgage-free house and it was tolerable when not very mobile, but just got more and more difficult. It created a constant low level of stress in having to have everything put away and moved about all the time. It's been totally life changing to move somewhere bigger, and definitely worth the mortgage. We have less money for holidays but we don't need them as much as we aren't desperate to escape our home any more!

Holidays are great, but they're a small percentage of your time compared to how much time you spend at home.

So true... I'm sure our stuff would expand to fill a larger space if we gave it the chance! 😅

I would have to disagree with many posters. You are still pretty young (obviously, with a young baby) and have been mortgage free for a few years so must have built up a good savings pot. A "fairly small" terraced house in a not very desirable area doesn't sound that great for your forever home. Also, you have both increased your salaries recently. Much as I love holidays and treats, I would be inclined to pour some of your savings / disposable income into your future home - a nicer area, more space, a larger garden and perhaps semi-d / end of terrace rather than mid-terrace.

I think you may regret it in the future if you stay where you are.

No it's just the two bedrooms. Bathroom also upstairs. Then downstairs there are two smallish rooms and a separate little kitchen sticking out into the garden.

You're bang on here. I think particularly as it was DH's house - DP's at the time - when I moved in, it has also never really felt like home to me. In my head I didn't pay towards / earn the house so don't deserve to feel like it's mine. DH has always encouraged me to treat it as a home and said he would love me to make changes to the decor etc, but I haven't taken much initiative.

The house does have some issues - a very old crumbling kitchen; cracked plastering; carpets that need replacing. It's a lot better than it was a few years ago but could be way nicer still if we invested more time, money and love.

None of the local schools are particularly good so we would need to move further afield - aka out of the town where we live - to give DD the chance of attending a better one. This is something that does play on my mind, for sure. I used to be a secondary school teacher before a career change and worked in schools of very different qualities so have an inkling of what a difference this makes, sadly.

Just as I was sort of moving towards convincing myself to stay put... you raise a really good point. Even without older children, I can relate to the stress you mention. Everything has to be in its place or our house is immediately in chaos!

The other issue is having friends over - DH and I are sociable people and love to do this but it's difficult to host any more than 2 people at once because it becomes cramped having us all in one room. I spend a lot of time sitting on the floor on a beanbag when we have guests.

As others have said, it's down to priorities - I've lived in biggish and really small houses having renovated a lot and in your shoes I'd want to move (although yes, Stuff will just expand to fit whatever space you have!), but plenty would prefer to stay put and enjoy the additional income.

Is there room to extend at all? Or add a garden room of any kind? Might be a halfway option to avoid overstretching yourselves (which is definitely no fun) but still gaining some space?

If you are already feeling cramped with just a baby, then I think the extra space would be worth it for you.

Baby "stuff" takes up more space than that for older children, but when they are older they want to have friends over, they need a quiet space to work in, and, based on current trends, they may still be living with you into their 20s. I get the attraction of being mortgage free, but £150000 over 10 years with you being able to push your extra salary into it, feels quite doable. And hopefully there would be more pay rises in that time!

Funnily enough @Izzosaura your house sounds just like the bigger house we were wanting to move to! Goes to show it's a matter of perspective.

Before you decide to do anything, you could have a look into how much a new bathroom & kitchen, redec and plaster would cost in your area. 'Recently sold' on Zoopla is a goldmine for inspiration if you look at others on your road.

As someone further up said, decluttering goes a long way. And getting some built in storage for the bits you want to keep.