AIBU to choose holidays / activities / future savings over a bigger house?

[Izzosaura]

My DH and I share a 10-month-old DD. We are pretty confident we don't want any more children. DH is a fair bit older than I am and we live in a house that he bought decades back; he finished paying the mortgage off a few years ago. I'm aware that this immediately puts us in a really lucky position.

It's a smallish terraced house - 3 rooms up and 3 rooms down. All rooms are fairly small. There are two bedrooms and DD's in particular isn't very generous in size unfortunately. There is a nice little garden. The area isn't very 'desirable' on paper but the location does work well for us - we're close to DH's family and to mine, walking distance from schools and children's play areas, a 5-min drive from where DH and I both work and there are lovely dog walks close by.

DH and I have both recently moved into new roles at work with higher salaries (still not that high as we both work in the public sector in non-senior-management positions, but enough to make a nice difference). Our first instinct was to buy a new house together with a bigger bedroom for DD, a bigger garden for her to play in and more room for guests. However, our current house isn't worth a great deal and I didn't own my own home before meeting DH so don't have that to bring to the party. We've worked out that to buy a house locally that is appreciably larger, we're going to be about £150,000 short - and that is assuming we get the asking price for our current house and that we pour all of our combined savings into the new one.

My DH is about 10 years' from retirement and from my shopping around so far, that understandably has a big impact on the sort of mortgage we're able to get.

AIBU to suggest just staying in this house? My thinking is that:

• We will get to stay mortgage-free and DH won't have the pressure on his shoulders to keep working for longer than he wants to.
• When he does retire and our household income drops dramatically, we will still be able to afford some holidays and treats. If we were still paying a mortgage off, things would be a lot tighter.

It seems like loads of families cope with having relatively little space, and I'd hope that things like family holidays, nice days out and saving more towards her future would more than make up for things being a bit cramped for DD... Or am I being naive? Some in my family have suggested we're being short-sighted and even selfish if we make this choice.

Once again, I'm aware that being in this position is a luxury. Thanks so much to anyone who has taken the time to read this and has any insights to share!

YABU - you should take the opportunity to move, even if it means belt-tightening.
YANBU - it's fine to stay in a smaller house, even if it's a bit cramped.

I have a slightly different view to the majority here in that I’d rather have a home I love with space that works well for us than lots of holidays etc. My children are a lot older than your daughter (and I have two rather than one), but we found our quality of life in our old house (small 3 bed) drastically declined as our boys grew in size: no space to entertain with the kids up too; no space for friends to hang out, general detritus everywhere - the house was SO hard to keep clean and tidy and I am a very organised, tidy person - and us generally getting under each others’ feet more and more. Now we’re in a much larger house, life feels so much calmer and everyone feels the benefit.

I also don’t agree with the ‘bigger house more stuff’ argument; my house is quite large (3 bed so not a huge mansion) and it’s super easy to keep tidy because we we don’t accumulate stuff and everything has a home. Keeping on top of cleaning and tidying this house is a hundred times easier than the last one even though it’s probably double the size!

Gotcha. I didn't realise you were counting a bathroom and a kitchen in your "3 up, 3 down". Our kiddo is currently in a box room and, while not ideal, it somehow works as it means she is spending more time with us and less being tucked away in her room (early teen). We have an open plan kitchen (kitchen diner and a separate living room) which means enough room for a large dining table and can sleep any guests on a large sofa-bed in the living room. I think, having an open plan downstairs helps a lot for the house not to feel too small. Plus, as I said we ruthlessly decluttered during our last move so barely have any stuff. I can clean the entire downstairs in 15 min flat.
We moved here from a larger house where we had an additional bedroom and a second living room. In all honestly, that second living room was just a space to hang laundry and put away things we didn't use so it was a total waste of space and energy. And it took absolute age to try and keep the place tidy. We also had a huge garden which was an expensive thing to keep looking good. I now have a much smaller garden which I enjoy.

No, neither did I @Catza I thought it was three living rooms downstairs, but it does sound a bit snug.

Stay put. Enjoy being mortgage free, don't give any money to the legalised spivs (aka estate agents), and all the benefits of being near work and your families.

That's even before the other things you mention.

With two rooms downstairs is one a living room and one a dining room? In future you can make one a chill room for your child and friends or add a sofa bed for sleep overs.

I'd probably stay put but I've raised four children in a snug 3 bed house where there third bedroom can only fit a single bed and bedside table!

I've wanted a bigger house now and then but I like having spare money for other things.

Could spending money on doing it up and decorate to your taste make it feel more like your house?

We made the decision to stay put and enjoy life in a smaller house, I don't regret it.

Admittedly I do think the schools complicate matters - I would move if I wasn't happy with the local options.

Plenty of families live in mid terraces and don't regret it at all. 🙄

Stay where you are. Use the money for experiences and fun. Plus your DD might want to do hobbies that can be expensive, you might want to support her through uni/buy her a car. Honestly, enjoy the freedom that being mortgage fee brings.

I have 2 just adults children still at home and 9 years ago, I bought a big 2 bed end terrace with 2 receptions .

We converted the 2nd reception to a bedroom and have been very happy here .

I could have upgraded 4 or so years ago to a 3 bed semi with a drive but didn't want to borrow another 150k for a bit more downstairs space and not having to walk to the car .

As it is I m hoping to clear the mortgage by 55 and I go on 3 holidays a year .

Thanks so much everyone for the thoughtful replies. It's fair to say that I'm still very undecided but feel better about both options after reading your experiences and perspectives.

I think DH and I are going to wait a bit, keep saving, do some decluttering and decorating and see how it goes here. He is more keen to move than I am and I think there might always be a 'what if the grass is greener' thing hanging over us making it hard for us to commit fully to enjoying the home we're in now. As has been pointed out to me on this thread, having one foot out of th door will stop us making the most of what we have!

Thanks OP for providing an update. Glad that you found the comments thoughtful.

I think good idea to park the issue for now. You can do the place up a bit and add value that way as well as making it a nicer space for you. Perhaps a loft conversion might be an option at some point, if you want more storage.

Do you jointly own the home now? If you don't, I'd get that sorted out.

We don't, and I will admit that makes me wary of pouring my own (quite considerable) savings into the house.

DH says he would want me to have it if anything happens to him. Before we married, his will left everything he owns to his two adult DCs and he hasn't updated this as assumes marriage will automatically wipe that out.

I do feel a bit vulnerable but also don't see how it's my right to ask for my name to be added to the deed as I paid nothing towards this house at all. You've made me think I need to take a closer look at this issue though. I suppose I've been avoiding it (we only married a month ago... got pregnant with DD unexpectedly and quite quickly so our whole relationship has only been a bit over 2 years. It's been a whirlwind and we definitely haven't planned our steps out carefully!)

Give it a few more years and all the big stuff will be gone ( prams, high chairs, big pink plastic barbie houses, bouncer chairs, play pens)….it will be an iPad….toys that can fit in boxes under the bed and a bike….stay put OP

you also need to consider care costs moving forward if your DH is a lot older….he’s probably thinking along the lines of if I die you will get it all…..but it’s not like that with care costs….the house will be sold and if it’s in his name you could be in trouble…..you need to think all this thru OP ….I don’t think moving home is your biggest priority at the moment

I'd move in a heartbeat unlike some of the other posters here. Obviously people have families in much smaller homes but if you have the ability to move I wouldn't think twice. I think I can picture the type of home you have. I'm thinking terrace house where you walk into the lounge, go through into the dining room with a galley kitchen at the back and a decent size master bedroom upstairs, box room and a bathroom. You said the garden is small as well.

It sounds similar to my first home and my friends first homes. We've all moved on since having kids because space would have been a huge issue in those homes. Kids really do accumulate a lot of crap. I'm looking at my nearly 3 year old who has set up his brio train set in the lounge, a little table with colouring books on it, mini trampoline, reading books and toy cars everywhere. Go through to the hallway and we have the pram, the scooter, the trike, the balance bike ... It all creates a lot of clutter and we have a larger home these days.

Holidays are lovely but there's no way I'd sacrifice my space or my sanity for 90% of the year for them.

We brought up 2 kids in a terraced house, 3 up, 3 down, as you describe. Worked fine and we and the kids have made what look like being lifelong friends and/or business relationships. A semi in Carshalton would not have been the same.

Is he 10 years off state retirement age or 10 years off early retirement? That for me would make a big difference in what I'd do. If he's 10 years off early retirement I'd probably choose to work for a few years longer to get the bigger place (depending on how well you can afford mortgage repayments just across the 10 years). If he's 10 years off state retirement and you'll struggle to pay off the mortgage payments I'd probably stay put.

There's no hurry to move but I think at some point you will want to. Kids, especially teenagers want space away from their parents and vice versa.

In your shoes I would prioritise saving towards a potential move, and make sure your current house is in a sellable condition.

It's not just about disposable income - it's about financial security.

Think about your and your Dh's job security and earning potential. Eg if your dh was made redundant, how easy would it be for him to find another job on equivalent pay? The job market for over 50s can be tricky. Ageism is rife.

If you're confident you'll still be able to pay off the mortgage and build savings (eg for your dds higher education), pensions etc within the next ten years, even if you move then it's worth thinking about.

Otherwise it's a potentially significant risk..

This isn't really about holidays, it's more important than that.

When I read your OP, I thought it’s a no brainer, stay put. I can picture your house in my mind as I grew up in similar home and it was fine.

But then with subsequent updates I started to change my mind. Schools being one big issue. Also the fact you’re quite a sociable family. My parents weren’t sociable! But if you like having people round then sitting on a bean bag isn’t ideal.

If it were me, I think I would wait a while but put away the money you’d be spending on a mortgage into savings. It will show you what life would be like on that income and give you more of an idea of how doable it is. Then you have savings to either go towards a new home or spend as you wish, depending what you decide.

Just as a perspective I LOVED my box room. I had a cabin bed so had room under it but could still sit up fully in bed. It always felt nice, cosy, and relaxing.
If I had sleepovers we would be in the living room which felt like such a treat. Even friends with big enough bedrooms preferred to do sleepovers in the living room.

Holidays are what your kids remember when they are adults ….my AC now prioritise holidays ( they’ve all bought smaller…..but lovely homes with 15 year mortgages that will be paid off before they are 40) …..and my GC have been to some amazing countries ( last year they went Australia for 6 weeks) ……and you know what your 3 year old kid will have in a few years …..an iPad and a bike….that’s it

I think you need to consider what happens if you divorce. The house is legally his, as it was an asset prior to marriage. Savings and pensions you can prove were obtained before marriage are also legally yours, but if you have savings accounts that money has gone into and out of since it's a much harder thing to prove.

Obviously no one goes into a marriage assuming they will split but it's important to consider.

If you did move house what would your oh want to do in terms of ownership?

I wouldn't move yet as this soon into having a baby is a bad time to make big decisions.