AIBU to choose holidays / activities / future savings over a bigger house?

[Izzosaura]

My DH and I share a 10-month-old DD. We are pretty confident we don't want any more children. DH is a fair bit older than I am and we live in a house that he bought decades back; he finished paying the mortgage off a few years ago. I'm aware that this immediately puts us in a really lucky position.

It's a smallish terraced house - 3 rooms up and 3 rooms down. All rooms are fairly small. There are two bedrooms and DD's in particular isn't very generous in size unfortunately. There is a nice little garden. The area isn't very 'desirable' on paper but the location does work well for us - we're close to DH's family and to mine, walking distance from schools and children's play areas, a 5-min drive from where DH and I both work and there are lovely dog walks close by.

DH and I have both recently moved into new roles at work with higher salaries (still not that high as we both work in the public sector in non-senior-management positions, but enough to make a nice difference). Our first instinct was to buy a new house together with a bigger bedroom for DD, a bigger garden for her to play in and more room for guests. However, our current house isn't worth a great deal and I didn't own my own home before meeting DH so don't have that to bring to the party. We've worked out that to buy a house locally that is appreciably larger, we're going to be about £150,000 short - and that is assuming we get the asking price for our current house and that we pour all of our combined savings into the new one.

My DH is about 10 years' from retirement and from my shopping around so far, that understandably has a big impact on the sort of mortgage we're able to get.

AIBU to suggest just staying in this house? My thinking is that:

• We will get to stay mortgage-free and DH won't have the pressure on his shoulders to keep working for longer than he wants to.
• When he does retire and our household income drops dramatically, we will still be able to afford some holidays and treats. If we were still paying a mortgage off, things would be a lot tighter.

It seems like loads of families cope with having relatively little space, and I'd hope that things like family holidays, nice days out and saving more towards her future would more than make up for things being a bit cramped for DD... Or am I being naive? Some in my family have suggested we're being short-sighted and even selfish if we make this choice.

Once again, I'm aware that being in this position is a luxury. Thanks so much to anyone who has taken the time to read this and has any insights to share!

YABU - you should take the opportunity to move, even if it means belt-tightening.
YANBU - it's fine to stay in a smaller house, even if it's a bit cramped.

Live for now. You don't know what the future will hold.

I'm doing similar. Prioritising activities and holidays over sensible stuff! Lockdowns taught me to have this attitude. Although I do still put by some savings for emergencies.

If I was to decide to buy somewhere else in the future, it would most likely be a downsize and I'd have the collateral of my current house plus any savings so I'd anticipate any mortgage to be minimal (or non-existent).

I think it's a balance. I love holidays and I remember some amazing ones from when we were kids but I also remember hanging out with my friends at home, making dens, creating a slip and slide in our garden, birthday parties at home with bouncy castles, wild parties as teenagers and as young adults. It's not just holidays kids will remember.

I just bought/sold last month and trust me when I say the upheaval and stress of moving must be worth it in every respect. It doesn't sound like the benefits are going to be worth it for your family, so why do it at all?

Work towards a minimalist approach to life and create lovely memories with your family. Enjoy what you have.

We really wanted a bigger house and the whole selling and moving process was so stressful. If your heart isn't in it yet, I wouldn't.

We had a similar issue where an extra 100k would maybe get us 3 double rooms instead of a box room and maybe a utility which didn't feel like an appreciable size increase. We ended up moving 30 minutes away.

BTW marriage does revoke a will, unless he's written it in expectation of your marriage www.thegazette.co.uk/all-notices/content/103393

OP isn’t homeless….she can do all those things in a 2 bed home…..it doesn’t need to be any bigger

Well I'm just picking up on the fact that the OP has to sit on the floor if they have another couple over as space is tight so I think it would be unrealistic to think kids parties and lots of socialising will be happening at home if they stay put.

Agreed. If DH wants you to treat the place as your own, step 1 is to sort out the legalities. Think about what you want to happen if either or both of you die or you divorce.

Step 2 is then to fix the "very old crumbling kitchen; cracked plastering; carpets that need replacing". Sort it all out.

Then you're in a position to judge whether you made it nicer enough to want to stay, but if you decide to sell you've increased its value.

We were in a very similar position and decided to stay put, preferring to have a nicer day to day lifestyle than a big house/fancy holidays etc.

What I think made the difference to us is that we live in a nice area, small rural market town with lots of outside space, countryside on the doorstep, parks etc.

We have an attic conversion which has freed a room upstairs and has been variously used as a study, playroom and teen sitting room over the years. You may also want to think about working form home, whether that's practical from your place and how important that may or may not be to you.

Yes, you need a discussion about this before making any plans.

In the event of death or divorce, being a spouse means you're in a good position to assert a claim. But he could eg sign up to equity release without you knowing. It is possible to register your marital home rights with the Land Registry if you're in England and Wales, but it sounds like you probably haven't done that either. Or there's the care issue, as another poster pointed out. Fine as long as you stay in the house, but more complex if you wanted to move. There are complications that could happen even in an ongoing marriage while both spouses are alive.