Can ex demand holiday details?

[BookArt]

Two kids are under five. First court hearing about the kids is next week. Ex doesn't see kids at the moment due to concerns about his ability to look after the kids. Police investigating ex assaulting me since our split.
I gave 6 weeks notice of a UK holiday. Now 5 weeks later, 1 week before we go, ex tells me he does not give permission for the children to go unless he has the address and who is going on the trip. I could have guessed this would happen as control was an issue throughout.
Now I am happy to tell him the county as a location, and make sure he understands that the kids will videocall at the same time and day as normal as one videocall falls while we are away. I don't want to tell him anything else as I'm really looking forward to not having to look over my shoulder while away.

Is that reasonable or do I need to tell him all details?

He's done this because I stopped a videocall yesterday that was nearly an hour long where he was watching the kids play but they weren't engaging with him. It was past their bedtime and rather than relaxing they were running around getting hyped up.

To the best of my knowledge you don't need your exes permission to take your children away, in England and Wales. If you are unsure, please seek advice from your solicitor. As long as your children can still call him, as agreed, it really doesn't matter where they are. You most certainly don't need to give him details of your holiday. Don't allow him to intimidate you, by making you believe you are breaking the law by not telling him, and therefore could get into trouble.

Thank you for this. Definitely have no confidence and doubting myself. Received the cafcass report and the lies that he has told, some are him saying he did something that I definitely did and can prove, so some I am confident with because I have evidence. But other allegations I've started asking my family who I now live with do I do this, do I do that? The doubt is strong. So it is good seeing other people's opinions in black and white, sort of gives me that kick I very much need to stick with my gut!! Thank you for your kind message, really needed it today!

Sounds like the classic abuse by proxy: controlling you via the children. 2 calls a week is plenty enough (as they get older they will be more social and 1 call a week is sufficiient). 30 minutes max. 1 hour too long.

Re holidays: as the children are in your care, you have 100% custody, you are not traveling outside of the UK, he does not need to know. Tell him to stuff it (politely of course). And as you have a solicitor, have the father's solicitor contact yours as opposed to contacting you directly.

You cannot co-parent with a fuck wit. So let that go. He will try to control you every step of the way so direct him to communciated via attorneys'.

Cafcass have now recommended three phone calls a week and unsupervised visit once a week for a few hours with a third party doing drop off and pick up. Gutted as I really don't think I explained myself very well. Three phone calls a week is a killer as I capped the last call at just over 15 minutes and he was fuming. Shall see what happens at court.

He doesn't have a solicitor, he sacked him. I keep directing him to my solicitor but his latest is he refuses to contact them so I don't respond unless it is actually important. It's all on a coparenting app.

I've politely told him I'm telling him nothing else. He has said he has a right to make sure my holiday is safe so he can object if he feels the need. He didn't receive a response to that one either.

You are completely right there is no Co parenting here, every step is battle. I've been reading about parallel parenting. If contact is confirmed by the judge then I need to prepare myself for our eldest to come back with his opinion of what he does and does not like to suddenly being exactly like his dad's. Then it was taking him a day to get back to himself. Youngest becomes super clingy as she is pretty much ignored. So tough for the kids. Hopefully my barrister is good! Hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.

Suggest making a diary before court maybe make videos also showing the impact before, during and after contact. Focus on impact on your children. Good luck!

What sort of stipulations do the calls have? Set times? Length? My mate was court ordered to have school photos sent to her exh's prison. The school abliged in her request to have 2 sets done. 1 for her family and photos of the back of the dc for him. He also succeeded in demanding proof of her spending. The bank sent A5 copies of 2 years of statements in braille to his prison..
You need to adhere to the order but get creative. Dc can ring him from sat on the loo. He doesn't get to see around your home or see you.

He wasn't a reasonable man when you were together, he's not going to change now. Follow any guidelines set down by the court to the letter but no more. The courts seem hell bent that DC need a relationship with their Father even when they dislike and fear him. Be strong Op, one day your DC will vote with their feet and refuse to go

What about him wanting to know WHO is going on the holiday? Terrible ⏰ ‼️ 🚩

@Sunshineafterthehail that is really creative, thank you. Definitely got me thinking!

No stipulations yet, first court date is this week. So we shall see. Dreading it as he is representing himself. Hoping he shows his true colours, but he is a clever man so I can see him putting on a show unfortunately.

They'll be another court date after this as evidence needs to be gathered due to allegations made. He has lied about things where I have physical proof.

Have you heard the saying give a man enough rope?. Bide your time op. My exh showed his true colours at the final hour. The judge did eventually see him for what he was. A controlling bully. He lost his case. Stay factual. But state when his apparent 'facts' are lies. If you have reports already go through them with a highlighter so you can have the lies brought to the judge's attention.. 3 times a week is very intrusive. You are allowed time to parent your dc without his input
.. And abuse.

Thank you! If the judge does agree with Cafcass then 3 phone calls and one visit a week is going to be hell to regulate the kids back to calm, if that makes sense at all.

That is a good saying, my family said I've done that since the split. He was given a lot more and has quite quickly shown he isn't capable, which was my concern. That is good to hear that the judge saw it with your ex. I have everything crossed!

@BookArtwhat was your outcome in the end?

This is a year old.

How are things now op!