To stop my kids dad's new GF take my kids for the day

[Sunsparkles]

My ex has a new GF, been together approx 4.5 months. Our kids (both under 10yrs) have met her a few times and she has stayed over at his and they have stayed over once with their dad at hers. He will soon be moving in with her and the kids will visit there on his weekends.

He intends to let her take our kids to a theme park tomorrow without him.

I have said categorically no to this. AIBU?

Nowt like spoiling a budding new relationship by adding 2 dc to it... Enjoy the day off op.
Make out you are happy for a bit of peace. Do not let him see you care... I befriended ex's new gf. It raged him. She rang me every week end the dc were there giving updates.. He hated that. And thy she was better with them than him.
Funnily enough - and very fucking funny imo.. they had a bit of swapping one Saturday night the dc were with me.
She ran off and married his best mate!!

Not sure you get a say in it really. If it's his contact time then he gets to use whoever he wants for child care.

Is it his time with them?

Would you be happy with him having a veto over who you leave the children with when they're with you?

But they would also be correctly saying that however unwise they generally think it is, her ex can't dictate it.

I used to take my stepson swimming all the time without dh - dh can't swim and it was something we both enjoyed so on that basis yabu although l understand your feelings too

So I get where you're coming from. She's not a well known person to them and theme park is often massive, busy and can be dangerous. Is it a theme park that is close by? As in could you get there quickly if there was a problem or could she get the kids home easily if they were upset/overtired/unhappy?

But, you do need to keep in mind that she is the person their dad has chosen. He obviously deems her safe as he is willing to leave his kids with her. The kids have met her, slept in her house and will soon be living with her at least part time. They do need to spend time getting to know her and trust her. I'm just not sure a theme park is quite the right environment?

Since you have 2 kids as well, if she's the only adult then she won't be able to go on anything (unless they don't take any bags or anything...someone has to hold the stuff). So I'd be worried about whether she knows how closely she needs to supervise excitable kids in such a busy place.

That said, I'm imagining going to Alton Towers or something like that.

It's HIS day so HE should be taking the kids out, not dumping them on his gf of 4 months

A lot of woman are just like mothers even if they don't have children of their own, kind nurturing and loving. She sounds like she wants to take them out to enjoy themselves because she's kind.

My friend took on the role of dads gf to a 6 year old when she was 21 she absolutely didn't have to do that but she's still with him now and that little girl is now 16

I didn't know my dad untill I was 10 when he met his now wife who he told he had a daughter he hadn't seen for 9 years, her only condition to a 2nd date was that he get back in contact with his daughter. She didn't have children of her own yet.

My child's dads girlfriend encourages his dad to take him places and get out the house together, his Christmas presents are so female coded, but I appreciate it

Why is he not being present on his children's visit .

Is he going to be one of those dad's that let's the new girlfriend do all the parenting.

What did he do before he had a new girlfriend and its ridiculous he's moving in with her so quickly.

Think this is an unfair comment , he could well be a loser who wants to dump his kids on their new girlfriend

However without knowing that for a fact he could also just be a dad who has to work and so cant go out for the day and neither the dad or girlfriend want the children to be left out

Personally I would be pleased the new girlfriend was so happy to involve the children surely better than him being so interested in his new relationships that the kids are left out ?

How old are your kids?

I don't think it's anything to do with jealousy 🙄 I wouldn't be happy with my children under that age going off with someone they barely know without their dad present either.

He's obviously not bothered and probably happy to offload his responsibilities op but if it's his day for contact then there's not much you can do.

This is why a lot of women stay with the dads because they get to control more of what and who their young children are exposed to because they know how shit their partners/husbands are with the kids.

I feel sorry for you, do the children have phones so you can text and keep a bit of an eye on them?

I agree it was an unfair comment, they don't know if it's a 50/50 agreement. If usually school would be his childcare while he works but as it's summer holidays the girlfriend offered to take them out, seems totally fine to me

Not enough info. Do you trust her minding them or have you concerns about her? Does she have kids of her own/work with children/spend loads of time with kids in her family? Are there any medical/behavioural issues with your kids that make things difficult or tricky?

It's odd how we tend to trust women we barely know, if this was a bloke writing about his wife's new male partner, the responses would be very different. But I think you are right to be cautious if she is virtually unknown to you.

I can understand your feelings, I would feel very unsettled by it too but unfortunately I don't think you can do anything. If it's a Dad day he surely has authority to make these decisions. Sadly I think this is one of those horrible things that are part of a split family.

Disagree about so many of these responses. If it was his parents that would be totally different, but they can't know this woman well and it's not appropriate. Why isn't he going? Tell him either he goes to or you're keeping the kids. End of.

4.5 months and on her own?

No I wouldn't feel comfortable with that either.

Surely the purpose of his parenting time is so that the kids get to spend time with their dad? Not some random woman he met a few weeks ago that he’s just offloading his obligations onto.

I’d be really miffed too!

Is there any “right of first refusal” written into your parenting/custody plan?

Depends what you know of her, how sensible she is, experience with children.
And surely their time with their dad is just that. Why didn’t he ask to swap days?

Would you rather he had a GF that ignored your children and did nothing with them?

Enjoy the day off, kids will enjoy it too

I don’t think YBU. I think they should stay with you if your ex is busy. They don’t need to be palmed off to new gf this quickly even if eventually they do have one on one time with her.

A stranger (to me) taking my young children to a theme park by herself? Not a chance. It seems odd, to me, that she'd even want to do this without your ex.

You need to meet the girlfriend so you can assess whether or not you trust her with your children, op. Hopefully, she is OK but your ex moving in with her after such a short while seems a bit rushed and rather immature. There's not much you can do about that but you must be reassured that your kids will be looked after.

Where are they breeding these women who are so eager to move these men and their children into their homes? I look around me and I can't see a single one 😳.
(Missing the point, but hey).

The problem is that he gets to choose who looks after the kids in his time with them, and you decide in yours. He is the responsible parent in his time and you don't get to control that. It's one of the horrible, awful things about separation. I think if they are living together shortly, and she is making an effort with the kids, hard as it is I'd look on the bright side. Because she's not a stranger to one of the parents - she's his SO. And wanting to treat them like this hopefully means she's not going to be awful to them.