To ask for a hand hold please

[VeryTiredAndVerySad]

My dad was admitted to hospital a fortnight ago after suddenly becoming unwell with his diagnosis of cancer.

He has it in his hip, kidneys and a lump on his breast. The plan was a hip replacement at the end of the month and then radiotherapy. Then they would work on the rest.

He has now gotten worse before any of that could be done.

I have seen him daily for 2 weeks and after spending the morning at his bedside I got a call within an hour to come back. They said they wouldn't be surprised if he didn't last an hour.

12 hours later in say in the same chair watching every breath with no idea when it may happen.

He's been on a syringe drive for a few days now and hasn't eaten in a fortnight but was on fluids by drip.

His breathing is laboured but steady.

I have no idea what to expect or when to expect it. I'm so tired and run down I feel sick. But I can't leave him.

And I can't even think about what comes after. I've spent 2 weeks being strong for him.

Not sure why I'm posting. Just sat here feeling very very sad.

Sending love and hugs and hope.

Sending a hand hold.

Thinking of you and your family. Sending handholds. Sorry that you are going through this,

Sending you a big hug….
I hope that things turn out ok for you…

I've cared for and lost both my parents in the last 5 years and it's the most exhausting, terrifying, emotionally draining thing I have ever been through.

There is nothing you can do except be there and do anything you can to bring comfort. That might be adjusting cushions behind them or listening to them as they tell you their regrets or holding up a sippy cup so they can take a small sip of water.

Sorry you are going through this. It makes it no easier to know that it happens to all of us eventually x

Thanks all.

His swallow went 2 days ago so no drinks or food. Not that he wanted any anyway.

He's been very weak so was only one word answers or nod and shake of a head.

Now he cant communicate other than trying very hard to move parts of his body to be repositioned. He can hear I'm sure but the rest is gone.

The nurse said it could be hours but some hang on for days like this. But I feel like I can't leave him even for some sleep.

I've not eaten or slept much in over a week now. I feel absolutely ruined and broken.

Sending a handhold @VeryTiredAndVerySad

So sorry @VeryTiredAndVerySad , I watched over my Mother as she died. I know it's hard but your loved ones know you're there. I hope he goes in peace

How did you know she was about to go?

I sat with my mum as she died too, just under a year ago. Heartbreaking, beautiful, exhausting and now I consider it to be an honour. myself and my sister were there, heard her breathing change, and she peacefully (full of morphine) passed.

stroke his head, hold his hand, talk softly. It won’t be long after he’s stopped swallowing.

lots of love and thoughts your way xxx

Sending a hug to you - I've sat by that bed with my DM and it's the hardest thing I've done.

Oh op I feel for you. Mine died last year we had a call at 5am say come now but he's already gone. He had an unexpected cardiac arrest and my heart tore into two. I'm a nurse and sat with a lady last week watching her chest rise and fall for those last moments and it was so sad. My thoughts are with you take care x

Sending you a hand hold OP.

Sorry OP, it's heartbreaking. I lost mine to cancer too. The breathing just gets slower and then it's just the odd gasp.

Don't be surprised if his spirit goes the minute you go to the toilet or something. Sometimes the spirit seems to wait until family arent there.

Let yourself sleep love. He would want you to. And people often wait until their loved ones are asleep or out of the room to let go and slip away, no idea what the mechanism is there but it’s well observed in hospitals/hospices.

I am so sorry. You are clearly a good daughter and I bet he’s so proud of you.

Sending love strength and hope

@VeryTiredAndVerySad her breathing was getting quite laboured then gently slowed down. Mum had been sedated and about ten minutes before I'd told her I'd be OK, she could go now and be with my brother (he'd died years before). I believe she could hear me because she went very soon after.
Talk to your Dad, tell him the things you need him to hear x

He went peacefully this afternoon. The second I left the room. I thought he was fighting it and I think I was right. Even at 79 and being very poorly he wanted to be the one to be strong for me.

OP. I’m so sorry for your loss. Big hug ((()))

I’m so sorry for your loss @VeryTiredAndVerySad. Big love.

@VeryTiredAndVerySad so sorry for your loss. I remember that awful feeling of sorrow and sadness mixed with a relief he was in a better place.

💐

Sorry for your loss. Make sure you look after yourself, do you have a good support network?

@VeryTiredAndVerySad

I'm so sorry xx

I'm hoping it's bringing you some comfort knowing how much he loved you, showing it right to the very end.

I'll be thinking of you & there's always a hand here when you need one xx

I am so very sorry for your loss. Sending you love and healing energy. It sounds like he was very lucky to have you as his daughter.