Some people either went to miserable schools or have no imagination

[TeenLifeMum]

Over the last few weeks I’ve read more and more “never had that in my day” type posts which make me feel like my upbringing was wildly different to others in England.

I’m probably more sensitive and aware as dd1 just finished school (GCSEs) and had a prom.

My school prom was after 6th form but DD’s school doesn’t have a 6th form so it’s the end of her time at that school. She had a wonderful party and looked beautiful. Amazing memories for her. But so many posters declaring “we didn’t have a prom”. All the schools in my corner of Kent had them (although we called them a Ball not a prom - it’s just language evolution).

Another thread about primary school “graduation” with posters declaring they never had such a thing. Really? You didn’t have a last day celebration when you left primary? That’s really sad. At 42 I still remember snippets of mine.

Before declaring things you didn’t experience are now over hyped nonsense, can’t we just understand these are nice things and special moments of dc childhood and the matter to the dc. Life can be bloody miserable so why do so many posters seem desperate to talk down the nice parts? (And appreciate the hard work the teachers put in to make them special?!)

It's the Americanisation of our culture that's irritating. As you say, the end-of-school celebration in this country is a party/school disco or a ball, there's no need to call it a prom 'like in the movies.' Primary school children don't 'graduate' and neither do 4 year olds. Only university students graduate.

Why use language that's not an accurate description of the event/tradition? An American 'prom' is not the same as a 6th form ball. Or at least it didn't use to be.

Too many fun sponges around .....

I’m 52 - we had a ‘summer ball’ when we left, DCs are now called proms. I think they’re lovely either way. Agree with pp that there are a lot of fun sponges out there.

I obviously went to miserable schools as there were definitely no end of first/middle school celebrations (three tier system where I went to school). We didn’t have end of year 11 or 13 proms/balls/parties either but lots of us went to the pub instead… On the other hand, we did do a school production at high school twice a year and there was always a party after that. I am 49.

I don’t object to the terms used but I do raise my eyebrows a bit about the lengths people go to for the prom, thinking professional hair and make up, hiring limos etc. And for full disclosure, my DD has just been to her year 11 prom, which was basically a party in slightly fancier dresses.

Agreed. A lot of people like to de-rail from the question OP is asking too. So instead of offering advice you get 50 comments “ridiculous to have a year 6 graduation!”

Yeah… that’s not an answer to the question that OP is asking about though is it.

It's true we didn't do anything to celebrate the end of primary school when I left in 82. The head teacher mentioned we were leaving in assembly and wished us well and our class teacher took photos of us to remember us by. I think all the things they do to celebrate are nice though.

Agree.
Globalisation has lead to an Americanisation of some words and a certain demographic seem to take more issue with this than others.

I’m late 30s, had a formal which is no different to a “prom” had a leavers assembly & mass for primary and 6th form with parents, tea and biscuits etc. In reality it’s not different to what some people would call a primary graduation now. It wasn’t new then and it’s still not now.

But there isn’t universal language across the UK either, not every area calls it a 6th form ball, nor is it called a disco in every area.

Judging from the amount of angst that some children develop over these end-of-school events I'm not sure that it's the schools that don't/didn't have them that are the miserable ones.

My dd had her nails done professionally (they’ve so far lasted 3.5 weeks and it was a real treat for her - I have mine done a few times a year for events/holidays and it’s not that expensive) and I did her hair. No limo as her friends have mixed incomes and the wealthier ones didn’t want to split the group. I drove them in my VW. However, my head boy and head girl arrived to our 6th form prom in 2000 in a helicopter 😂 (it was a state school and no one was impressed, just laughed and eye rolled).

If the American culture we were inheriting was gun crime and extreme racism then I could understand but proms and graduations are nice things and dc watch American films so will pick it up. Everyone knows what it means.

Formals (I know they're called this in NI), balls, parties, discos etc. are definitely not (traditionally) the same as American proms. If you call something a 'prom', it leads to all the ridiculous expectations that surround them nowadays because kids have seen them in films (limos, paid-for hair and make-up, 'dates') - things which rule out the less privileged/less-confident kids.

What's wrong with just saying we're going to have a party to celebrate?

Out of interest, what 'demographic' am I?

I'm 40. I went to a private girls' school which was a through school for aged 3-18 and though many girls left in Year 6, there was absolutey no real acknowlegement,
party or celebration for the end of Year 6.
We had the leads in the junior school play and had to do a "my life so far" project with a prize for the winner (me, as it happened!) but that was it. Last day of Year 6 was very much life as normal and more about last year of Upper 6th for the oldest girls in school.

My best friends were in Catholic state school and there was nothing much special for them except signing shirts and maybe a "Leavers' Blessing" at the End of Year "Mass". Again, there was one Catholic high school so most of them ended up moving up together.

Looking back, I find it really odd. But it was just seen as another fact of life.

I switched to a different private school later. There was NOTHING after GCSEs. We arranged get togethers ourselves. No big deal at the end of teaching or on results days. We just went off on study leave and never saw some people again!

In Sixth Form, we had 4 balls (one summer, one winter), the summer ball being the "Leavers' Ball" and these were traditional American Style "proms". Last day of Upper 6th School was completely underwhelming.
No fuss made at all, just a "off you go then".
One teacher held a BBQ at her house for those of us who took her subject for A-Level. Bit of chatting with other teachers on results day. We had a Year Book which we all signed...other than that, no fuss.
The odd self arranged party. Very different to now.

I think the way things are now are lovely.

If the American culture we were inheriting was gun crime and extreme racism then I could understand but proms and graduations are nice things

But things we already had words for so we didn't need to adopt the American word or the American way of doing it. (A prom would have been a ball or a disco; year 6 graduation is a leavers' assembly).

Personally it annoys me because it's part of the general hyperbole that is prevalent these days. You see it a lot on MN threads. No one is every "slightly annoyed" - they are "raging". No one can go and politely raise something that is bothering them they have to "confront them".

All of that happened at the formals around me over 2 decades ago. And that was well before any proper social media.
It wasn’t a low key party, it was a large event with dates, a 3 course meal, an after party, elaborate dresses and plenty of people did professional hair and makeup, even limos.

Who cares??

The problem, OP, is the very strange knee-jerk response to any whiff of "Americanisation".

See also threads where posters rail against use of the word Mom, a very common term for one's mother in several parts of the UK.

Ditto the frothing at the mouth over baby showers, bridal showers, and gift registries. God forbid anyone would acknowledge that gifts are a part of celebrations.

And the granddaddy of them all, the dreaded Hallowe'en, that age old tradition of the Irish and Scots, one nation still part of the UK, one formerly a part, who brought Hallowe'en with them to the New World.

There are big chunks of British society that are determined to Stamp Out Fun, and also friendliness and trust and a host of other civic virtues.

I left primary school in 1993. We signed each others shirts on the last day but there was no leaver's assembly or anything out of the ordinary. We just went home as normal at 3.30. I think I bought my teacher a box of Quality Street as a thank you but there were no big gifts. When I started school in 1986, there were 3 intakes per year so we didn't all leave nursery at the same time, kids started school the term they turned 5 (I started in January) so there was never a big leaving ceremony or "graduation" at the end of the year.

I left secondary school on 1998. We signed shirts on the last day and went home an hour early. We had a disco, the first and only one in the 5 years we were there, in the school hall. It was late starting due to a technical problem and we had a can of Fanta and a packet of wotsits each🤣 Nobody really dressed up, one girl wore an electric blue lycra catsuit but most were in jeans.

We did nothing to mark the occasion of leaving 6th Form college! I can't even remember the last day.

My sister was the first year group in our school to hold a prom and that was about 5 years after I left. I think these traditions are quite nice though there is sometimes the tendency to go a bit over the top with elaborate dresses and make up/cars etc. I wouldn't have been interested in the slightest at that age and probably wouldn't have even gone to prom!

I went to school in NI and went to several formals because yes there were dates, you could be invited to other formals and bring a date to yours.
Girls in my school did have professional hair and make up (I know I did) and some went in limos. There was a professional photographer at the venue so you could buy photos. Teachers also got very dressed up for the event.
I don’t necessarily think they are a great idea but they are not new and there was plenty of hype.

I must have gone to miserable schools as there were no "leaving" parties at all, whether at primary, 16 years or 18 years after sixth form. I vividly remember just walking away either on the last day of term in primary, or after the last exam at 16 and 18, no fuss, nothing really. That was in the late 70s and early 80s.

I’m 40 we did a year party and rented a boat on the Thames after GCSEs but told them it was a levels

I still vividly remember trying blue after shock for the first time and was sad because I forgot my miss sixty zip top and I was never reunited with it.
😅😅😅

a levels we def had a dinner thing and another night we all went to a club with the boys school….

I think it’s the fact parents are resentful about the peer pressure and being expected to shell out thousands on MUA, hair, clothes, hiring cars to pose in!!!! etc…

Totally agree. There is NO difference between the proms I see today and the balls I went to in 2000-2002 in sixth form...we all arrived in private hired vehicles (limos, classic cars, vintage buses/fire-engines, helicopters), girls pretty much all had professionally done hair/makeup/tan/nails and we all wore proper prom dresses, we had awards like
Prom King and Queen,
red carpet entry with professional pictures and these were always held in impressive venues...5 star hotels, stately homes, casinos etc. It was a huge party more akin to a wedding reception than anything else.
Definitely not low-key.

But also totally optional...if people
didn't approve, they just didn't go.

Well the school I taught in called the Yr 11 event The Christmas Ball (name changed) but all the kids knew exactly what it was. The word 'prom' is very widely used in teenage culture.

I'm a bit older than you OP.

No prom/ball. We had a simple disco in everyday clothes.

Nothing at all for leaving primary.

This was in Wales. There were uni balls at the time (mainly attended only by the posh students) but I've never heard of a school one and I don't think parents at the time would have agreed to spending that kind of money.

Fwiw, I went to school in Ireland.

Leaving primary school at the end of 6th grade was a matter of making sure we had all our stuff with us when we left the building. There was no ceremony, no hoopla, nothing. I took the bus home with my younger siblings.

Leaving secondary school was similar, except that my year had a fabulous trip to a remote part of Ireland during our final year, and there was a prize day toward the end of the academic year.

However, we had what is known in Ireland as a debs (short for debutantes) ball, which took place a few months after the last day of school. We gathered with dates and parents in the school for a reception with teachers, principal, etc, and then headed to a hotel for dinner and dancing, then to a night club.

Debs events are huge in Ireland and always have been. Entire towns come out to see the school leavers off to their debs evenings. Local newspapers have massive spreads reporting the fashions, with photos. National newspapers have sections on debs styles, and cover the phenomenon in great detail.

You may not be looking at Americanisation. It may be Irishisation you're all harrumphing about.

I don't remember leaving first, middle of high school (I'm 49), we didn't do anything special other than sign each others shirts.

Dd left primary school last week and had a leavers party, we hired limos then had a disco at the village hall.
They had a blast and loved every minute.

"balls I went to in 2000-2002 in sixth form...we all arrived in private hired vehicles (limos, classic cars, vintage buses/fire-engines, helicopters), girls pretty much all had professionally done hair/makeup/tan/nails and we all wore proper prom dresses, we had awards like
Prom King and Queen,"

I have never heard of anything like this in the 90s.