Some people either went to miserable schools or have no imagination

[TeenLifeMum]

Over the last few weeks I’ve read more and more “never had that in my day” type posts which make me feel like my upbringing was wildly different to others in England.

I’m probably more sensitive and aware as dd1 just finished school (GCSEs) and had a prom.

My school prom was after 6th form but DD’s school doesn’t have a 6th form so it’s the end of her time at that school. She had a wonderful party and looked beautiful. Amazing memories for her. But so many posters declaring “we didn’t have a prom”. All the schools in my corner of Kent had them (although we called them a Ball not a prom - it’s just language evolution).

Another thread about primary school “graduation” with posters declaring they never had such a thing. Really? You didn’t have a last day celebration when you left primary? That’s really sad. At 42 I still remember snippets of mine.

Before declaring things you didn’t experience are now over hyped nonsense, can’t we just understand these are nice things and special moments of dc childhood and the matter to the dc. Life can be bloody miserable so why do so many posters seem desperate to talk down the nice parts? (And appreciate the hard work the teachers put in to make them special?!)

She's not really asking for advice. She's saying she experienced the prom and primary school leaving things and other people are giving their own experiences.

I don't think we did go to miserable schools but the ethos and the importance of these events or non-events has changed hugely.
I left Primary aged 11 in 1969 and there was a party.

No party at the end of O Levels that I remember because there was an expectation that we would stay for 6th form.
Any school disco was avoided by my friends and me because the cooler kids would have been unhelpful.
6th form leaving? I think there was an event. Not everyone came. There was no dressing up. It was nice but fundamentally not important.

I think much greater importance is given to these events at schools now.

For what it's worth, only uni graduates should wear a cap and gown, it's silly for 4 yr olds. Love, a fun sponge.

I think 'proms' with limos, hair and make-up etc are well over the top for leaving secondary school and ludicrous for leaving primary.
My parents would never have been able to think about affording all that shite for me in the mid-80s and early 90s, even if it had been on offer. Most of my peers' families wouldn't either, or would have gone badly into debt buying/hiring it all.

We had a sixth form prom, which was called a sixth form prom, in Manchester in 1996. Some people arrived in fancy cars, some didn’t. Everyone very dressed up. I got my hair done for the first (and last!) time in my life. It was loads of fun. Much the same feel as the end gcse one my son just went to a month ago.

End of primary school was a disco I think. Probably a leavers assembly but I don’t remember.

End of GCSEs was shirt signing, autograph books and a lot of crying and hugging. No prom though because nearly all of us stayed on till sixth form.

It must not have happened then …

Agree, DD’s prom was lovely for both of us and we need to keep these special celebrations.

We spent time together practicing hair and makeup, has a lovely photoshoot in the garden, she saw herself in the mirror looking amazing and I saw her confidence lift.

Her step-dad (who has been here since she was 3) and her big brother genuinely complimented her and saw her as a young woman for the first time (she’s usually in joggers and T-shirts) and were so proud of her.

We were all a bit moved as we can still remember her starting reception in a tiny school uniform and holding her book bag as if it was only a few years ago! How time flies h

She didn’t have an amazing time at the prom, it was “okay”. But we have a girl who is more confident in herself, she got to feel really special to mark the end of her time at high school and we have some lovely photos showing a bit of what will be family history at some point.

One group of boys turned up in a limo but most were dropped off by parents. We spent about £100 on her entire outfit. (The biggest expense was repeatedly trying to find a foundation that wasn’t orange on her)

We had what our school called a year 6 leavers disco. I still remember it fondly. I can even remember wearing one of those skirt trouser combos to it. This was the end of the 90s height of fashion!

Didn’t go to my year 11 ball as I was out of the country at a wedding, but I remember the girls in my year getting excited in the months leading up to it about what they were planning to wear, who they hoped would ask them to be their date. There was so much excitement. Doesn’t really matter if they call it a ball or a prom, it’s the same really. I think it makes teens feel grown up. Nowadays I still love a night out and I love planning my outfit, getting ready with my friends and having some drinks, it’s just fun!

I don’t get these people who get annoyed by fun. I bloody love an event! Any excuse for one!

Child of the 80s and 90s, I didn't have a prom, we didn't have a graduation from primary school, or leavers hoodies.

What we had were 6th form balls (I left after GCSEs and went to the local college and had band nights and freshers/RAG weeks instead), and people writing on our school shirts or in notebooks.

My primary school was different as it was overseas so did a lot of American things, we had discos and year books. I have a year book from my primary school that friends signed. As people left throughout the year there was never anything big at the end of it. The yearbook came out Easter time I think.

I refused point blank to go to our end of year 13 event purely because they insisted on calling it a prom. Wasn’t up for playing a part in allowing silly little girls to live out their vacuous US teen drama fandoms.

I think there are lots of miserable people on mumsnet who just have to bring some form of negativity to every thread.

We had a prom at the local racecourse, it was a big deal and we all got dressed up!

Didn’t have a graduation from primary but we did have a special assembly and sing “Flowers In The Window” (which still makes me feel unbearably sad when I hear it) which much the same thing I think.

Also I think nursery graduations are adorable and I love the picture of tiny DD in her cap and gown! Idgaf if it’s “not a real thing”

Oy vey!

I’m 55 and I don’t remember any special events at the end of primary or after GCSEs. It was an all girls school, that went right through from 4-18, and there had been a much loved tradition of year 11s going into the park opposite the school, at the end of their last day in uniform, and throwing their berets into the duck pond, but the berets were abolished a few years before I got to that stage. (Sixth formers did not wear uniform).There was a sixth form ball, but that happened in about November and was for years 12 and 13 I think.

I definitely think there was a shift towards the end of the 90s.

We were heavily influenced by American TV/Movie culture...Dawson's Creek, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, She's All That, 10 Things I Hate About You, Cruel Intentions, Mean Girls, Never Been Kissed, Bring It On...all of which featured Prom, Homecoming Dance etc.

This was the era of Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, N-Sync, Backstreet Boys etc and US and UK culture were becoming far more aligned. It was the in thing to be wearing US labels, Abercrombie & Fitch, Hollister, Calvin Klein, Tommy Hilfiger, DKNY. UK bands like SClub7, Steps, Spice Girls etc quickly collaborated State Side and were filming their videos out there,
wearing US clothes etc. I think there was a case of us seeing what was marketed at us and wanting a piece of it for ourselves. US High School culture looked more exciting than our own...and we started to want a bit of it for ourselves. At my school, we campaigned for a Cheerleading Team!

My next youngest cousins are 3 years older...they didn't have quite the same experience as us but within a few years,
something changed. The way all of a sudden we all had mobiles and the internet but hadn't just a few years earlier.

My Mum and her friends never had fake tan, nails etc...but when St Tropez spray tans came about and acrylic nails became popular it seemed to take off fast and become a big part of many women's going out routines. Again, this really took off in the late 90s.
My SIL (Irish funnily enough) was the first person I noticed getting all of this done in about 1999. At some point spray tan, fake nails etc took off and became far more popular that they'd ever been. Same with hair straighteners. So I think some of this was a change in beauty technology and trends, that happened very quickly.

In the 80s and early 90s you rarely saw fake tan on anyone. Look at how fake lashes, brows, curly blowdrys, lip filler etc have all taken off in the past 10 years...some of the grooming pressure simply stems from changes in beauty routines. In the early 90s it was all bushy eyebrows, perms and heather shimmer lipstick - fashion changed fast.

The boys were also getting stuff done that they hadn't previously...fake tan, highlights, straightened "curtains", shaved eyebrow patches, piercings etc. I don't know if it was just the age I was but I feel like we were all suddenly very image conscious, in a more intense way than before.

Limos to the balls had long been a thing though, locally.

Well, maybe elsewhere, but not in my area.

Also obviously went to a miserable school. There was nothing at primary and secondary had a disco in the dining hall.

I'm 56 and at the end of primary school we simply had a leavers mass (Catholic school). At the end of high school there was a low key disco in the school hall, cans of pop, crisps and chocolate, very casual. I don't remember any school in our town having anything like a prom, we only knew they existed from American films/TV.

DPs secondary school just had a traditional end of year fight with another local school. He avoided it.

I'm 43 and we had a prom when we left high school. I'm in Scotland and it had been called a prom for I think a few years by then. Some years it was in local hotels but our year group held it in the school. We didn't have limos or anything like that but did dress up nicely (not to the same expense you see today though) and had professional photos taken there before all the dancing. We had a yearbook too.

I don't remember what we did leaving primary school. I don't think we signed shirts because I would have kept something like that and it was well before leavers' hoodies were a thing.

I think the nursery graduation is ridiculous.
(none of my children experienced that thankfully).
they had end of year 6 dos, but they were organised by parents, not schools.
DS1 had a year 11 prom and a year 13 dinner.
DS2 nothing for year 11.

i didn’t go to nursery, didn’t have anything for year 6 (top juniors), organised the year 11 leaving party myself. But we did have a leavers ball in upper sixth.

I do think the expense people go to is daft and it seems to be more in areas where people can’t actually afford it.

@TeenLifeMum I'm guessing you've never seen Carrie then?

Or less extreme Pretty in Pink?

The American theme of the prom has long been used as a trope that epitomises teenage alienation and exclusion for not being one of the cool kids.

I'm 58 and there were no special events beyond shirt signing at my primary, secondary or 6th form schools. I don't even recall a leavers' assembly. We just left when the bell rang and never went back and as far as I was concerned that was a good thing. I wouldn't have gone to a Prom even if we'd had one as I was glad to see the back of school.
I don't actually think there's anything wrong with a party of some kind at the end of school if kids want to go but things can be a bit OTT these days. I think families can be pressured into spending money that they can't really afford, especially on Year 11 Proms. People spend thousands on dresses, hair dos, transport and so on. Yes, it's "optional" but it would be tough for parents to tell their child they can't go if all their friends are. My DC weren't even leaving school at the end of year 11, and nor were most of their friends. Virtually everyone at their school stays on for 6th form so they were all going to be back together in a few weeks anyway! I think a big event either at the end of year 11 or the end of year 13 is OK, but both seems a bit excessive.

How can we all be as cool as you?

Pick me, please pick me, I’m not like other silly little girls.

Cringe.

But, those are films. My real life experience of my anxious, socially nervous, lesbian daughter was that her whole year came together and had an amazing, inclusive night. Similarly, my American cousins have all loved prom. I wasn’t “cool” but still enjoyed prom with no drama. It’s not compulsory and some won’t want to go, and that’s fine!

Same here. We did nothing to mark anything at all.

I started school in 1981.