Some people either went to miserable schools or have no imagination

[TeenLifeMum]

Over the last few weeks I’ve read more and more “never had that in my day” type posts which make me feel like my upbringing was wildly different to others in England.

I’m probably more sensitive and aware as dd1 just finished school (GCSEs) and had a prom.

My school prom was after 6th form but DD’s school doesn’t have a 6th form so it’s the end of her time at that school. She had a wonderful party and looked beautiful. Amazing memories for her. But so many posters declaring “we didn’t have a prom”. All the schools in my corner of Kent had them (although we called them a Ball not a prom - it’s just language evolution).

Another thread about primary school “graduation” with posters declaring they never had such a thing. Really? You didn’t have a last day celebration when you left primary? That’s really sad. At 42 I still remember snippets of mine.

Before declaring things you didn’t experience are now over hyped nonsense, can’t we just understand these are nice things and special moments of dc childhood and the matter to the dc. Life can be bloody miserable so why do so many posters seem desperate to talk down the nice parts? (And appreciate the hard work the teachers put in to make them special?!)

If the American culture we were inheriting was gun crime and extreme racism then I could understand but proms and graduations are nice things.

Except, the nice things also come with the bad things. You can’t have the two in isolation. Distrust in the police in the U.K. is high because of the police corruption and heavy handed tactics used by some police officers. There is extreme racism. Posters on here have said they’ve openly experienced more racism with the rise in popularity of Reform and following the Brexit vote. Dentistry is mostly private now. The NHS is heading that way. Even with the nice things, comes with consumerism (baby and bridal showers, Halloween, more expense at Christmas, Elf on the shelf). Opening the door for the nice things means it’s very hard to close the door to the bad.

Some places will have done a celebration for moving from one school to another but I remember my head teacher in 2016 saying anybody that had a signed shirt in the school day would not be sitting GCSEs. So yes, there were some miserable schools.

I think the problem is that the school disco meant putting on a nice outfit that you already owned and a bit of make up. It was in the school hall. The prom involves hiring or buying a dress and having matching accessories. It sometimes means a limo or fake nails and having your hair done. The americanisation of these events involves doing them in a more glam, expensive way. That isn't good for hard pressed families.

We had a Leavers' Disco in July 1989.

On the Marchioness. 😬

No, I didn’t either. In England. No pressures. Now I’m surrounded with younger parents in my life, stressing about the stressing of their children lol 🙄

All seems OTT and too competitive.

There was nothing at all when I left primary, or secondary. No disco, ball, formal, party, nothing.

We didn't have nursery or primary school graduations.
We didn't have proms.
We did have a Leavers Ball but it was a much less grandiose affair than proms are!
Americanisation is the issue, not celebrating!

I’m late 40s and there was no y11 or upper sixth prom. When we left primary, there might have been a summer school disco in the hall, but I think they did that for every year anyway. We signed autograph books, but that’s about it.

@Werweisswohin Americanisation is the issue, not celebrating!

Lots of the complained about things took place for me 30 something years ago in schools.
We had limited British imports back then let alone Americanisms.

Maybe the fact that I'm more than 20 years older has something to do with it. We had no celebrations at the end of primary or secondary school. We just left. I don't feel like I've missed out at all.

I’m 52. No end of primary ‘celebration’, and though there was a ‘debs’ ball’ at the end of secondary school, it was organised by the girls themselves, not by the school. I think all local hotels had banned ‘official’ school balls because our school had such a bad rep.

Our last day of secondary, after exams, we all burned our books and scribbled on one another’s school blouses. Then walked out the gate.

It's startling how many posters blame 'Americanisation'. No, it's that. You're just miserable and it speaks volumes about the overarching culture of many and is probably a factor in why mental health in adolescence is such a huge problem.

Life is to be celebrated.

not

I'm clearly a LOT older than you! Nothing happened at the end of primary, apart from Sports Day which was always in the last week of summer term.

Sixth form had a Leavers' Assembly, with some awards & speeches and not a little mayhem of one kind and another. There was an annual ceremony like a founder's day, with old girls and bigwigs, that used to end in the pub for those old enough - teachers came, and sometimes the 'old girls' did too.

There was a school disco every year in secondary (big deal for us, as it was a single-sex school and the disco was joint with the boys' school!) Christmas parties and school plays, etc, throughout all school years.

We thought the Proms in American films looked like a lot of ridiculous hassle.

I'm 52. My school had a disco when we left in 1988. (I didn't attend as I'd spent the past 5 years being bullied for being ugly and stupid..) My DD has just left primary and I was so pleased to see her going off to her leavers 'prom' with her friends, looking so happy.

Honestly, the very last thig we would have wanted was to dress up like a fucking princess and be expected to pair up with a boy. The school discos used to be laugh ... until we were old enough to get into real clubs (at about 15, with heavy makeup). We didn't wear bridesmaid dresses gowns, though, we wore whatever we thought was cool at the time.

I object very strongly to children graduating from anywhere except university. I have no objection to leavers’ assemblies or events. I do not want to adopt a culture of having to have a date for a high school prom.

Admittedly I'm very old, but when I was at school we had a leaving disco, and there was no pressure to wear a glamorous dress (in fact I think people would have been teased if they did), or to have a date to go with. I went to mine and had a really good time hanging out with some female friends. I don't like the sound of the modern prom culture because I think it is too prescriptive about how you should dress and behave, not specifically because it originated in America.

We went underage clubbing when I finished secondary school. Getting totally smashed on cheap booze before. I think my parents would have preferred school prom!

My children are only little - 3 & 6 so I haven't experienced most of this stuff yet but I do kind of agree with you OP, it's the Mumsnet way though, generally anything that brings children joy but is also quite commercialised and it's competitive misery and posters far too cool to ever like things that other simpler, inferior people enjoy- you only have to look at any thread where people take their kids to Disney World.
I'm bemused by the particular hatred aimed at nursery graduation - children love dressing up and playing make believe, our oldest made a graduation hat, sang a lovely little song with his friends then had a photo. They were all so excited and happy.

Just pointing out, as an American, that the only graduation and proms my children went to were at high school. No elementary or middle school graduation ceremonies or proms. They are in their early 20s.

These are relatively new things in the US, not just in the UK.

Mental health among teenagers is worse than it's ever been. We're not miserable at all, we grew up in a world where we could celebrate without worrying about how it looked on Instagram. Some of them spend more time worrying about how they look and how much money they've spent than actually enjoying the event.

I don’t recall any end of primary school celebration and certainly no prom when I left secondary school but I’ve supported all of my children through their proms and celebrations.

And I’ve really enjoyed their joy

I dunno about that! Our formal involved lots of booze and was the messiest night of the year. It went on until 5am or something.

I know American proms are dry but I assumed the English equivalent wasn’t?

I don’t remember leaving primary, but leaving secondary, we had a ‘disco’ for which I bought a new dress; we hired a professional disco dj,

We went to the pub before. That was before our Highers/ Sixth Year Study exams ( Scotland ). After exams we had a bbq on the beach and some teachers came.
That was 1979.

didn’t get my nails and hair done - I don’t think there was a nail salon in town.

And standards of living, / disposable income, even for the middle classes, were much lower than today. But we went as all out as we could in those days.