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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Travelled to friend's house for dinner, just strawberries for desert - AIBU to think it's low effort?

660 replies

Carefreebie · 24/07/2024 00:44

On the weekend my partner and I travelled to a friend's house for dinner. The journey was over an hour by train.

The main course was sausages with nice sides (potato salad, tomato salad, another salad). That was nice.

But desert was just strawberries with some pouring cream.

We had a nice time, but AIBU to feel that the desert was very low effort and unexciting, and should have been more exciting than strawberries given the journey?

When my friend came to mine, I did a 3-course meal, feeling I should make a big effort because of her long journey.

OP posts:
Solibear · 01/08/2024 07:10

Carefreebie · 01/08/2024 00:28

Also, to those saying 'it's not about the food, it's about the company', and who say you wouldn't care what you were given to eat - if you travelled a fairly long way and were given beans on toast, I'm assuming you wouldn't mind?

That is of course a very different situation to my friend's (in case anyone thinks I'm making out it's comparable!)

Edited

1 hour isn’t a long way in my opinion but no, if I had travelled a distance/time that I considered to be a long way to see a friend, then I wouldn’t mind if I were served beans on toast. My best friend lives 2-3 hours away (depending on M25 traffic) and quite often if I pop over to visit she will serve pasta with a shop bought sauce, or even a fish finger sandwich! My care factor is 0 - I don’t care what it is that I’m given to eat there, I just don’t want to go hungry!

Anonym00se · 01/08/2024 07:21

Carefreebie · 01/08/2024 00:28

Also, to those saying 'it's not about the food, it's about the company', and who say you wouldn't care what you were given to eat - if you travelled a fairly long way and were given beans on toast, I'm assuming you wouldn't mind?

That is of course a very different situation to my friend's (in case anyone thinks I'm making out it's comparable!)

Edited

I moved four years ago. Now I very regularly drive 90 minutes to my home town to visit family and friends for a cup of tea. I don’t expect a restaurant-level meal. I wouldn’t have a problem with beans on toast, but 90% of the time I just pop round for a brew.

Desertislandparadise · 01/08/2024 07:58

Carefreebie · 01/08/2024 00:24

I enjoyed the sausage main course. It was good.

We did have a nice time with them and of course we enjoyed catching up and said thank you for the meal.

I see this friend loads - we go to the same tennis club and often meet up after work. It would've been much easier for us all to go to a restaurant more centrally but I wanted to agree to go to hers because she'd made the effort to come to mine.

She would never read this, and I would never voice dissatisfaction about the strawberries to anyone IRL but my partner.

The strawberries were from a supermarket and she had about 2 punnets. This time of year, you can get them for about £4 for 2 punnets. Some are saying they're expensive - surely not at the moment, unless you're getting them from some fancy place.

To me, strawberries are a nice fruit but on a par with kiwis or oranges. I would have them for breakfast with yogurt. I know it's a tradition to eat them at Wimbledon, but on their own with a bit of pouring cream, i think they are boring. It sounds like most people on here disagree.

There are lots of low effort ways to make them into more exciting desserts. For example:

  • Eton mess, with shop-bought meringue and whipped cream
  • Sponge cake (homemade or from a shop) spread with strawberry jam, with strawberries and whipped cream on top
  • A crushed biscuit and butter base, with strawberries and whipped cream on top, and toffee sauce on top of that (either shop-bought or melted toffees)

I'm beginning to think it's not about the "effort"at all. Do you have a sweet tooth, OP? Were you having a sugar craving that then left you feeling unfulfilled?

Maybe your friend is trying to cut down on ultra processed food or just doesn't like sweet stuff in the evening. She offered a light, fresh, healthy dessert that I for one would be very happy with. If I had to eat any of your alternative suggestions for dinner I would feel bloated and a bit sick. We're all different.

ZiriForGood · 01/08/2024 08:37

I think you are still confusing effort and preference - from my point of view the strawberries and cream are the interesting part and cake/biscuits/toffee are totally unnecessary empty calories.

vickylou78 · 01/08/2024 08:39

Suspect your friend was trying to serve something healthy and fresh. Summer meals here often end with strawberrys and cream or fruit salad. I don't see the drama.

Maybe your friend is watching her weight?

NeverEnoughPants · 01/08/2024 08:43

So you go to a tennis club together?

Now I think you are even more unreasonable. Tennis is synonymous with strawberries and cream.

97% of people think YABU, and yet you are doubling down and talking about beans on toast to try to get us onside, but you also acknowledge that it's kind of irrelevant to your situation. Fwiw I have visited a friend that lives three hours away and was given a (McCain's frozen) baked potato and cheese, and no dessert. It didn't even occur to me to be anything other than grateful (I do love a baked potato), despite it being very simple and low effort.

Catza · 01/08/2024 09:03

LightFull · 01/08/2024 03:17

I understand what you mean OP

As an adult when you go to someone's house for dinner this is definitely not what you'd expect

Not sure why anyone thinks it's ok

Not sure why anyone thinks it's OK to go to someone's house and then EXPECT something other than good company and being fed.
I think you should go to a restaurant and pay, then you should expect to get good value for money. Counting how much strawberries cost and which supermarket they came from, comparing them to the cost of a train ticket to determine the overall value of a meal on offer is not normal. And no, I wouldn't expect my friends to behave this way.
I went to see a friend for a meal the other day. She texted me to ask if rice and dhal was ok as a quick supper. I brought a bottle of wine and some nibbles. We had a wonderful night. At no point it occurred to me to be offended that she didn't serve me a three course meal with an elaborate desert.
Travelled abroad to see a friend and was served a charcuterie board and a desert of cherries and watermelon. It was bloody marvelous to catch up with a friend after not seeing her for a year. Didn't occur to me for a second to compare the price of an airplane ticket to the spread on offer.

SallyWD · 01/08/2024 09:03

Carefreebie · 01/08/2024 00:28

Also, to those saying 'it's not about the food, it's about the company', and who say you wouldn't care what you were given to eat - if you travelled a fairly long way and were given beans on toast, I'm assuming you wouldn't mind?

That is of course a very different situation to my friend's (in case anyone thinks I'm making out it's comparable!)

Edited

This has actually happened to me. Travelled to see a friend and got beans on toast. I didn't mind for a couple of reasons:

  1. I know my friend's not into cooking. I am but some people aren't. That's OK.
  2. I wasn't expecting a restaurant experience. I was going to see my friend, couldn't care less about the food. We just wanted to chat.

You sound entitled, expecting a particular style and standard of food. You got a perfectly decent and nutritious meal so I'm not sure what the problem is. Many of us have said we love strawberries and cream. I personally would prefer it to the biscuit base, toffee sauce dessert you mention. That would be too sickly for me.

xsquared · 01/08/2024 09:50

The thing is, why do you need her to make a fancy dessert, just because you travelled to hers?

Thinking of the last time we went to visit a relative after driving for nearly 3 hours, we got jacket potato, bean chilli, cheese, salad and for dessert, summer fruits with cream and shop bought scones.

We were just glad to be able to stop after such a long journey to be fed and catch up with them.

Strawberries on their own might be boring to you, but I suppose most healthy foods are.

Tulipsareredvioletsarebue · 01/08/2024 10:18

Carefreebie · 01/08/2024 00:24

I enjoyed the sausage main course. It was good.

We did have a nice time with them and of course we enjoyed catching up and said thank you for the meal.

I see this friend loads - we go to the same tennis club and often meet up after work. It would've been much easier for us all to go to a restaurant more centrally but I wanted to agree to go to hers because she'd made the effort to come to mine.

She would never read this, and I would never voice dissatisfaction about the strawberries to anyone IRL but my partner.

The strawberries were from a supermarket and she had about 2 punnets. This time of year, you can get them for about £4 for 2 punnets. Some are saying they're expensive - surely not at the moment, unless you're getting them from some fancy place.

To me, strawberries are a nice fruit but on a par with kiwis or oranges. I would have them for breakfast with yogurt. I know it's a tradition to eat them at Wimbledon, but on their own with a bit of pouring cream, i think they are boring. It sounds like most people on here disagree.

There are lots of low effort ways to make them into more exciting desserts. For example:

  • Eton mess, with shop-bought meringue and whipped cream
  • Sponge cake (homemade or from a shop) spread with strawberry jam, with strawberries and whipped cream on top
  • A crushed biscuit and butter base, with strawberries and whipped cream on top, and toffee sauce on top of that (either shop-bought or melted toffees)

Without they have to make a jam from scratch or would you be upset if it was shop bought and count it was only £1.5 from a regular supermarket not Waitrose which would be your preference?

Solibear · 01/08/2024 10:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CrayonCritic5 · 01/08/2024 12:08

For the love of God woman change your ways. Listen to what people are telling you. Be better.

Summerflames · 01/08/2024 12:09

Carefreebie · 01/08/2024 00:28

Also, to those saying 'it's not about the food, it's about the company', and who say you wouldn't care what you were given to eat - if you travelled a fairly long way and were given beans on toast, I'm assuming you wouldn't mind?

That is of course a very different situation to my friend's (in case anyone thinks I'm making out it's comparable!)

Edited

An hour isn't a long way. Nope wouldn't mind. You sound ungrateful and this is a really odd thing to even get worked up about.

InterIgnis · 01/08/2024 12:38

That is a perfect pudding on a hot summer’s day, same as sausages and salad is a perfect meal.

Summerflames · 01/08/2024 14:28

I don't know ow about sausages and salad mind 🤣 I think I'd just have the sausages.

VeryHappyBunny · 01/08/2024 16:16

Summerflames · 01/08/2024 14:28

I don't know ow about sausages and salad mind 🤣 I think I'd just have the sausages.

I'm vegan, so I'll just have the salad - perfect division of food.

Thesecretingredientiscrime · 02/08/2024 02:27

It is time to show her how it's done. Invite those plebs to yours for a traditional mille-feuille.

Epicaricacy · 03/08/2024 08:13

TriesNotToBeCynical · 01/08/2024 00:35

All ways to ruin perfectly good strawberries and cream.

Show quote history

couldn't agree more.

The love of some people for stodgy food will never cease to surprise me.

Comedycook · 03/08/2024 08:22

This thread is hilarious. Not the op....but the smug competitive eating types with their utter obsession with UPFs and their superiority complex.

Epicaricacy · 03/08/2024 11:03

Comedycook · 03/08/2024 08:22

This thread is hilarious. Not the op....but the smug competitive eating types with their utter obsession with UPFs and their superiority complex.

because people like strawberries? 😂

HungryWombat · 03/08/2024 11:26

xsquared · 01/08/2024 09:50

The thing is, why do you need her to make a fancy dessert, just because you travelled to hers?

Thinking of the last time we went to visit a relative after driving for nearly 3 hours, we got jacket potato, bean chilli, cheese, salad and for dessert, summer fruits with cream and shop bought scones.

We were just glad to be able to stop after such a long journey to be fed and catch up with them.

Strawberries on their own might be boring to you, but I suppose most healthy foods are.

Oooh that sounds lovely. Right up my street!

Comedycook · 03/08/2024 12:41

Epicaricacy · 03/08/2024 11:03

because people like strawberries? 😂

Show quote history

You said this...

The love of some people for stodgy food will never cease to surprise me

I can find many other examples throughout the thread

Comedycook · 03/08/2024 12:42

Strawberries on their own might be boring to you, but I suppose most healthy foods are

Another example

Comedycook · 03/08/2024 12:46

I love strawberries and cream. Would rather have that than a fattening sugary dessert

And this

SocksAndTheCity · 03/08/2024 12:49

God, I haven't heard anyone use the word 'fattening' in real life for years. It's like hearing my mother in 1981 all over again.

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