To Re-register DS Birth certificate

[Kira893]

Hi MN

When I was pregnant, me and father had just really met and he wasn’t around to support me. When baby was born, he started to step up. He came with me to the registry office and begged me to give baby his last name as everyone does that in his family married or not. There was an argument and the registry office lady advised me to keep him off the birth certificate and give baby my name until he can prove himself, then I can change it at anytime .

He asked me if he proves himself, would I consider changing it and I agreed. So for the last 3 years he’s been great with DD. Can’t fault him. DD turning very soon, He’s now brought it up again and wants his name on the birth certificate and DD to have last name. I think I’m ok with it but I feel a bit silly calling up the nursery etc asking them to change her name. Would they think it odd? I don’t really care much for my last name, I’ve no contact with any of my dad’s side of my family. I don’t really think last names matter much.

Would anyone else change it?

Changing the surname could potentially cause practical problems. With bureaucracy generally I think it is still pretty much the norm for Mum and Baby to have the same surname, so with things like schools, hospitals and the like they might ask you to prove your parental rights if your surname is different. When the surname is the same there is rarely that sort of challenge. Having a different surname to your kids is much more common now as women get divorced, remarried etc, so maybe some of the other Mums in that situation can say if it’s a problem? I actually kept my married surname after I divorced simply to avoid such problems - a divorced Mum I knew had issues with a consent form in a medical emergency as NHS asked for proof of parental rights. But that was 25 years ago - maybe that’s no longer an issue? Just a thought, maybe you could hyphenate?

A lot of men in that position choose not to have their names added to the birth certificate so they can avoid paying child support. It sounds as though this Dad is happy to pay his share thus far, but later if he were to get married and have more children he might change his mind about that. If he’s on the birth certificate then he’s legally liable, although getting child support from a man who doesn’t want to pay is damn near impossible either way! She can’t change the surname without adding his name as the natural father on the birth certificate so they both need to understand the full implications. As for tradition, regardless of what the brother does it is usual for the child of an unmarried mother to take the mother’s surname. OP must not let anyone pressure her into doing anything she isn’t 100% comfortable with, especially something with such serious consequences as this. It doesn’t matter what his brother does, or what his family wants, this is your child, your family OP you must do what is best for you. Is the worry here that in the face of a refusal he’ll stop paying child support and no longer be a part of his child’s life? Frankly if he does that then maybe you’re better off without him?

If a child is under 18, and OP adds father’s name to birth certificate, does she need to get Dad’s permission to go on holiday or to emigrate? If yes does this permission have to be documented in some way?

Your DD’s name belongs to her and no one but her should ever change it.

he can still be legally declared her father.

Yes she does. She will need something to show border force. It will also work the other way round if he takes her on holiday, the mums permission will be needed.

@x2boys Most registrars are very sympathetic, experienced professionals who meet people at the most important events of their lives. If registrar sensed OP was unsure or felt she was being pressured it is likely he or she would’ve picked up on that, hence explaining her options, as any professional registrar should. Just because someone doesn’t agree with your moral stance doesn’t make them irresponsible.

You can do it, to change it to Dad’s surname. Up to you.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/scotland/family/birth-certificates-and-changing-your-name-s/birth-certificates-s/

He had a baby with someone he'd just met. You're not married or living together. (No judgement).

He certainly didn't insist on a traditional arrangement in any other way.

I would absolutely not change her name.

Tell him you've changed your mind. You're perfectly entitled to.

There isn't even a reason. Except his brothers girlfriend did.

The only reason is patriarchy. He wants to own her. And uk norm . But there is no reason to change her name and have her go whole life having to explain "previously known as "
He can use your and her name eg on email address used for school or adopt your and her surname as part of his .

You can but I think mum has to affirm that the man is indeed the father of the baby. Also pay, probably.
He can possibly adopt. They can double barrel the name. Probably happens all the time.

Application to re-register a child’s birth and add the natural father's details - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)

I'd not change her name.
My mother wouldn't have my real fathers name/surname on the certificate as he wasn't reliable in any way which I think was the right decision

Just to say on re-registration the new registration replaces the old and there is no need to ever declare the name previously used. The link between the two is maintained in the register. However, I still don't think the child's name should be changed!

I would consider doubling barrelling her name. I wouldn't remove your name entirely.

Are you married? Why should your child get your partner's name if you don't?

Incorrect.

The reason why the father isn't 'automatically' recorded is because paternity can be challenged. The father has to be there to agree that he is the child's father, otherwise a woman could name anyone as the father. The only way that a father can be registered is if he is in attendance at the registration, the mother provides a Statutory Declaration of Parentage (signed by the father) or a court order following DNA testing.

The father has the legal right to be recorded on their child's birth certificate, and subsequently have 50% parental responsibility. It is not the mother's choice to withhold that from the father.

All it would take is for the father to be confirmed as a parent through DNA testing and he would be added on via the courts.

He can do that any time he likes, but so far he can't be arsed.

What? You're going to change your daughters surname because her father sulked about it long enough to get his way? That's not right.

A birth CAN be re-registered to add a parent.

I can't imagine why in any universe you would change your child's surname. It's so patriarchal and absurd. Men do not have automatic naming rights over children and nor should they. He made a baby with a woman he wasn't in a serious relationship with, no prior discussions about surnames, no commitment, therefore he doesn't get to have naming rights over the child. If he was so set on 'tradition' he should have made sure he didn't accidentally impregnate someone he barely knew.

You can't re-register unless after a marriage, only to the father's name and only for a short period - I know this because I wanted to change my son's surname to my surname, and the registry office flat out said it wasn't possible, and they'd only change to the father's name under the above circumstances as a courtesy (no courtesy for women of course)

All you can do is deedpoll - that's what I did (although much, much younger than yours) - hasn't caused us any problems that his birth certificate name has his dad's name, and everything else has mine.

My kids (same dad) don't have any problem with having different last names any more than they do about having different first names - never had any trouble travelling with them.

In fact I kick myself for thinking they would care, and giving DS2 his dad's surname at all - I should have stuck with my first plan and given DS2 my name from the outset.

100 % double barrel if you add his name. No way would I remove my own surname. Might cause issues if you travel or whatever down the line.

Do you trust him? is he likely to take your child abroad without your permission?