To Re-register DS Birth certificate

[Kira893]

Hi MN

When I was pregnant, me and father had just really met and he wasn’t around to support me. When baby was born, he started to step up. He came with me to the registry office and begged me to give baby his last name as everyone does that in his family married or not. There was an argument and the registry office lady advised me to keep him off the birth certificate and give baby my name until he can prove himself, then I can change it at anytime .

He asked me if he proves himself, would I consider changing it and I agreed. So for the last 3 years he’s been great with DD. Can’t fault him. DD turning very soon, He’s now brought it up again and wants his name on the birth certificate and DD to have last name. I think I’m ok with it but I feel a bit silly calling up the nursery etc asking them to change her name. Would they think it odd? I don’t really care much for my last name, I’ve no contact with any of my dad’s side of my family. I don’t really think last names matter much.

Would anyone else change it?

Don't change her name. If he's unhappy he can change to hers. Really really don't do this.

MY DD just changed my 8 year old GDs name….it cost just under 50 quid to do….she then got a new certificate…..she now has a passport with the new name ….it was very simple to do

You can't change a birth certificate. They are in those enormous books!

I can’t see a single good reason to remove your name from DD and replace it with his.

You can absolutely re-register to add dad. But I definitely wouldn't change her name.
Just be aware of the implications of him having parental responsibility, but if he is present and involved then I don't see why he shouldn't have it.

It sounds like the registrar only told the OP due to the dynamic between them on the day and having an argument during the appointment, she clearly thought it was relevant information to the OPs situation.

Add his surname as a middle name perhaps? Then the connection is there, but she keeps her name.

If you have to , just add his surname as a middle name, don’t change it.

I would be very surprised if the registrar advised you of this! How unprofessional...

If he is the father then why should his name not be on the birth certificate?

It does annoy me when people refuse to put the father on a birth certificate ..

The baby doesn't have to have his fathers name but the father has a right to be on it

I agree with others - at the most add his name in the middle but don't change her surname.

As a registrar we advise of the facts.
Adding father to registration gives him joint parental responsibility.
It is very difficult to change a child's name once given apart from on re-registration. If child has dad's name his permission is needed to change it later on.
These are the facts. If a couple are unmarried or a mother registers baby alone, we advise to give the child mother's surname.
A child can be reregistered later on to add dad, and name can be changed at that point if required.

An unmarried father does not have the automatic right to be on the birth certificate.

He should have married the mother if he wanted this.

@CantHoldMeDown

You’re right, I could have done.

Unfortunately I didn’t fancy sharing a last name with a man that abused me for years then cheated on me with my best friend.

Add him on but don’t change the name. If he wants his child to have his name he needs to be married to the mother. If that happens, I’m saying you have to marry him, then add his name on the end of DD’s last name.

My DDs are double barrelled because I kept my name and double barrelled after getting married.

Why would you change her name? It's not just your name anymore, it's hers.

His name is no more valid than yours. He just thinks his daughter should have his surname because he's the man and you're only a woman. (The woman who has done all the hard work growing, giving birth to and raising your daughter.)

There is a reason the father isn’t automatically entitled to be on the BC if the parents aren’t married. He does not have a right to be on it.

In my opinion if he wants his child to have his name, then he should marry you OP. At least if he does that, it shows some sort of commitment, and gives you and your child some security, whereas what happens if someone else comes along that he takes a fancy to, what happens to your child then? He pisses off, and you're left with the child that you carried and gave birth to, not even bearing your name. As other posters have said, if he wants the child to have the same name as his, but doesn't want to marry you, or you don't want to marry him, then he can change his by Deed Poll.

Luckily the child does know her father so that's not an issue.

Of course don’t change her name. Put him on the birth certificate if you want to.

Are you a couple? She can have his name when you get married. Otherwise why the fuck should she have his name and not yours?

I wouldn't change her name. I wouldn't add him on the BC. I think it changed everything and if he was bad when you was pregnant then he's got it in him to be bad again.

Very many women and children would have a much easier life if women did not put unfit fathers on birth certificates. This is my opinion due to both professional and personal experience.

A father can be added at a later date.

Don’t change a child’s name at this stage as if they are some prize he has won.

I would add, @Kira893:

You said, "I don’t really care much for my last name, I’ve no contact with any of my dad’s side of my family."

What this says to me is that you consider your own surname to be more your dad's than your own, and that you only have it because the decision that was made when you were born was that you got your dad's surname instead of your mum's. I don't know about the circumstances of your birth or what your parents' relationship was like but I wouldn't be surprised if it never occurred to your mum that she could do anything other than give you your dad's surname. We are so conditioned as a society to believe that men's names are more important than women's, and that women and children must be named according to their relationship to a man, rather than in their own right. And, I suppose, that only little boys can ever hope to grow into their names and "own" them; little girls generally borrow their fathers' names until they get married and take their husband's name.

And yet, here you are, with a three year old daughter who has YOUR name, considering taking a backwards step and perpetuating this cycle for no reason other than that a man thinks his name is more important than yours.

When your daughter grows up, she won't think of the surname she has now as her maternal grandfather's surname. She'll think of it as her mother's surname. Your surname.

If you change it now, there's every chance that she'll look back and think, "Why did you do that? I'd rather have kept the surname I shared with you?"

Or she'll get married and take her husband's surname without even thinking about it, or maybe not get married but give her children her partner's surname, because she'll think, "I'm not that attached to my dad's surname anyway. It isn't even the surname I was born with. Who cares? Names aren't important."

Break the cycle, OP. Be proud of your name that you share with your daughter. Don't change it for a man, especially not three years down the line when it is already part of your daughter's identity.

Why on earth are you even considering changing your child's surname!!!

Add him to the BC by all means, but you aren't a family unit. You aren't going to marry him and all have the same name.

It doesn't make any sense at all!

He can change his name if he is so desperate to have the same surname.

This is YOUR decision. Not his!!

I agree its outrageous that you were advised not to put the fathers name on the birth certificate, this isn’t about a woman’s choice, he’s her father with legal rights and as a child she should have her birth properly recorded. As PP says, he would get it if he went to court anyway. the child doesn’t belong to the mother. trying to dig your heels in around PR would only cause damage to the relationship between you and dad and in the end cause more problems. It’s better just focus on treating each other with respect

I would go for a doublebarrelled name personally, you said you would add his name and it means you would also still have the same name, so if you want to travel abroad etc it will be easier. Don’t worry about what nursery thinks, you probably won’t be able to remember the staff’s names in a couple of years, you guys are in it for the long haul and you’re the ones who matter