DH not knowing obvious things he used to know

[Cheek2cheek]

Eg that fish are cold blooded and insects have 6 legs. (DH is very intelligent, degree from Oxford, science background).

He’s nearly 50. Is it normal just to forget things that you used to know? It’s worrying me as it reminds me of when my granny (with dementia) forgot that children lose their teeth and had a freak out about DS’s happy smile.

AIBU to be slightly worried?

Has he forgotten anything important or relevant to his job or family?

Does he forget completely or is it just 'oh yes I remember now...'

Try this book, there's loads I have 'forgotten'!

No one can be expected to remember everything they've ever known.

Forgetting a few, pretty irrelevant and inconsequential, things isn't really a concern.

If he worked in marine biology and "forgot" fish are cold blooded, that's something pretty worrying, but not if his work is nothing to do with fish.

My son has just gone through secondary school and then just finished a Maths degree. Maths was also my subject 40 years ago. I genuinely thought I'd be able to help him a lot with his GCSE, A level and degree. In reality, I wasn't much use to him after year 9, maybe half of GCSE was familiar, but although I could remember SOHCAHTOA, I couldn't for the life of me remember how to actually use it, nor could I remember how to solve simultaneous equations. That was because in those intervening 40 years I never had to so any kind of complex Maths nor anything more than simple equations and certainly no trigonometry. My Maths as an accountant is very basic and mostly basic numeracy, simple graphs, analysis, basic modelling etc - nothing geometric at all. It didn't really worry me that all the things I used to be able to do were now alien to me beyond vague memory of concepts etc.

Now, if I found myself forgetting the current VAT rate, or forgetting tax payment due dates, or how to work out a PAYE code when someone makes private pension payments, I WOULD be worried! They're the kind of thing I do every day!

My mother, who has dementia, can't remember what she did, literally five minutes sooner. She can't remember whether she'd had her breakfast or not. She can't remember whether she's had a wash. She's forgotten that both her brothers have died within the last couple of years, and still tries to phone them.

Forgetting a few things that someone used to know decades earlier really isn't anything to worry about. It's entirely normal. Few people will be able to remember every last thing they've ever known!

I remember reading , years ago, that when you remember a new thing your brain forgets something. The things it forgets are generally bits of information you don't generally use. So it's in effect prioritising. I don't know if this is true.

I do know I'm older than your DH and I find I now have to look up information that I was certain of before but which now I need to verify to see if I'm remembering correctly. It worries me sometimes but my day today memory is really good. So I don't think I have a problem but the fear of dementia symptoms is always there.

So my feeling is your DH memory failures are possibly normal. Especially if he has a stressful life as stress, and also tiredness can really affect memory. I suppose it depends on how it is impacting his day to day life and whether there are other signs it may be a symptom of something serious.

Anyone forgetting insects have 6 legs and fish are cold blooded is a concern - it's not just getting older and forgetting a phone number, address or where you left your keys.

No it really isn't. If you'd asked me, I wouldn't have known fish were cold blooded, and would have dithered as to whether insects had 6 or 8 legs. I presume I knew those facts at some stage when I was at school being taught biology, but over the subsequent 40 years, I've certainly forgotten it. Likewise I wouldn't be able to label the components of a leaf or a diagram of the heart.

The fact I can't readily remember the number of legs on an insect doesn't bother me in the slightest. Not when I can still remember the main tax rates and allowances for the past few years, and numerous section and subsection numbers of tax legislation and company law for the past two or three decades, not to mention some important sections/subsections of legislation going back a century that is still valid and relevant today along with a few hundred legal cases that form today's tax and company law framework, i.e. Salomon V Salomon which is a 1896 court case still as relevant today as it was over a hundred years ago. Likewise S624 settlements legislation under ITTOIA. When I forget Salomon V Salomon or S624 is when I'll start to worry!

Use it or lose it. The only time I'd worry is when I can't remember things that I need to know in daily life today, i.e. re work, family, current affairs, etc.

Insects have too many legs, that’s the problem. How many too many is irrelevant.

It’s literally the exact opposite! Forgetting your address or phone number has an actual impact on your life, forgetting that insects have 6 legs which you likely learned 40+ years ago is hardly a concern.

Yes this is my thought. I appreciate that these are things that not everyone knows but DH would once have known them in a really fundamental way (the way you know that the red traffic light means stop or apples grow on trees)- not the sort of thing that slips your mind.

You must be concerned to query on here. I would be concerned more about noticeable short term memory loss, rather than longer term that he may have learnt at school but forgotten. Does he get lost or lose things all the time? Is he forgetting things at work/home that he should definitely know?

I didn't know all insects had 6 legs, what about millipedes and stuff? Lol. And fish? I'd never been taught about what kind of blood they have.

I guess I'm not an Oxbridge Educated scientist. But is he forgetting people's names, placing objects in weird places, repeating himself a lot?

My MiL got dementia in her early 60s, it was very distressing. I hope it's not that. It's probably not. But would he see the GP?

Use it or lose it though. If you've never had to think how many legs an insect has for the past 40+ years, it's almost certain you'd have forgotten.

Red lights are completely different, because it's not just a traffic light. Red means stop in so many scenarios. Even if you don't drive/never driven, you still see red lights as "stop" in day to day life, i.e. at pedestrian crossings, railway crossings, etc. You also see red lights on electrical appliances, where red is off and green is on.

My OH can't even remember all the places where he worked, and it's not that many! There are two places where I know he worked for very short periods of time - he only knows he worked there because I keep reminding him as a joke. It doesn't mean his memory is going. He can remember loads of things that I can't, loads of irrelevant things going back to that era and earlier.

No one can remember everything. I think an earlier poster hit the nail on the head when they said that your brain forgets something when it has to remember something new, i.e. FIFO, and it's common sense that it would "forget" something at the back of your mind that's never needed to be remembered for a long time rather than something relevant that you think about regularly today!

Personally I think it's a concern if it's things he'd normally know without thinking. I'd get him to have a word with his doctor as he's still fairly young.

It's a conversation I've been having with OH who'll forget everyday words while he's speaking. It seems funny at first but as it goes on I do get concerned. But he's a fair bit older than your dh.

Forgetting your address would be a big deal, forgetting "an" address is different

I agree with you op. I understand from these comments some people don’t know these things, but for us these are basics. I think there is something to be concerned about and I’d watch out.

Hm... DH and I are 63yo scientists, I can't imagine either of us forgetting that insects have 6 legs or fish are cold blooded, it seems like the sort of primary school level general knowledge that gets embedded. But I guess we're both quite interested in nature, if I see a minibeast in the garden or out I may want to know what it is.

Maths is different... that's very much a 'use it or lose it' skill.

If it's a relatively recent thing and does cover surprisingly basic (to him) things, he might have a UTI

This happened to someone I know, in his sixties, whose wife ask him to get watercress (which he liked) and he bought water and cress and was baffled when she asked why: next thing, he got super anxious, then was diagnosed with a UTI , all sorted out quickly with ABs

I think you haven't given enough information for anyone to tell whether it's a concern or not - there must be more than this for you to be concerned?

Yes, I'd be concerned. That's general knowledge for most people. I wouldn't at all put it in the same category as labelling the parts of a heart at school, which is more specialised. It's more like forgetting that birds lay eggs or the BBC doesn't show ads.

Take him to the GP for blood tests, it could be something simple yet important like a B12 deficiency which is increasingly common with age.

I think this is a potential concern, yes. The insect legs thing has got people confused. To OP's DH (as to me) this is a fundamental piece of knowledge, as basic as knowing that the sky is blue and there are 365 days in a year. Forgetting things is a part of growing older but forgetting something so very basic TO HIM could just be a sign of something. Get him to the doctor's, OP. No harm at all in ruling that something out.

Yes i agree this would be really worrying level of information to lose.
Perhaps you have some other examples?
I'd suggest keeping notes.

The first sign with my DM is she would tell me a story, then tell me it again the next day, then again the next week. Her long term memory was fine for ages, she still talked about subjects she had studied and old memories. But she kept loosing things.
And really started to bully my stepdad. I don’t recognise any of this in your DH’s behaviour.

I would be concerned if happening frequently amd no other cause ( tired, stress , alcohol ect). Its more interesting because your examples are not so much memory but semantic / object knowledge. How worried is your husband and other concerns?

It's difficult to tell from a couple of examples. I'd be more worried about the insects than the fish but it's more the wider pattern. How is he functioning day to day with new (or newer) information?

I would trust your instincts and encourage him to see a GP if you are worried.