To be really honest about what I need while he's away

[rodeoson]

My partner is in the process of launching a business. We've been together 5 months and spend a lot of time together.

He has to go to India for 6 weeks for various business meetings in early Aug. I am flying out there once in the middle for a week, to see him.

We had dinner last night and he said that he's going to be really tied up while he's there, and that he needed to manage expectations that he won't be in touch as much as usual. He said his schedule of meeting suppliers and clients etc,were going to need to take priority and he'll be quieter than usual. He'll also be staying with his business partner and driving around to different cities with him and I know they'll be very busy. He will of course make time for me while I'm there, although will still be busy with work.

Now, just to clarify, this is absolutely true and there's no element here of me thinking that it's a lie or thinking he's hiding something. I know enough about the plans for the launch to know this is valid, and I trust him implicitly.

It was also said kindly and in a way that indicated he didn't want me to be upset or disappointed at the change in pace of our usual communication. When he said it, he made it very clear that if I had any thoughts of worries about it, we should chat about it.

There are two questions here:

1. AIBU to be honest that I'd like to find a way to manage it so that I don't feel completely forgotten for 6 weeks, rather than pretending to be totally cool with it?

2. If yes, what are some suggestions that I could put to him? I don't want to make demands on his time and resources but I am only human and definitely would feel sad to barely hear from him for 6 weeks, vs the multiple times a day we talk now. I don't want to cajole him into contacting me on a schedule under duress, of course, but he's the sort of person who'd be really open to suggestions to make it easier on us both.

Despite how this posts sounds, I'm not particularly needy or insecure but I also don't want to be disingenuous and "pick me", when there's an opportunity to find a good middle ground. Furthermore he's (dare I say...) a typical man so he probably needs to be pointed in the right direction for how to handle it, rather than me just saying it's fine and hoping he'll figure it out.

I'm going to be very tied up myself while he's gone as I work in summer camps for kids, so I won't be waiting by the phone or anything.

This. You barely know him.
Insisting on a comms schedule at this stage seems really needy. I would consider it a red flag in a new boyfriend.

Why not use it as an opportunity to focus on your own life, friends, self-care, other goals? It's six weeks not six months.

what are some suggestions that I could put to him

Send you a text or WhatsApp once a day just so you know he’s alive. Any time of day or night is fine - you’ll reply (once a day, just so he knows you’re alive) when you’re awake.

You’ve been with him five months , he’s not your partner . It’s not like you are t going to hear from him at all in six weeks , plus you are visiting him .

Your very new boyfriend is going on n intense business trip and has said he won’t be contacting you much. As others have said a few texts and photos on WhatsApp don’t take much time - and a phone call every few days.

if he wanted to he could.

whose idea was your visit. I would commit to such a trip in a new relationship to see someone is working so intensely they can’t phone me.

Only thing I’d say op is with the time difference it can honestly be a bit difficult to get someone. A text no problem but eg a FaceTime you can easily get the timing wrong and not get a chance to get them

This. Plus he's only an early partner, a boyfriend really. Honestly you need a life of your own and not to be so needy. He's working on his business leave him to it, he's given you a heads up that he'll be busy. Obviously if you don't hear from him at all then that would be another issue. As long as you're both in contact every few days, what's the issue. Relax.

He will be busy for 6 weeks so I don't know why it's so complicated, surely a grown adultcan cope with minimal contact for this time?

My husband is on week 4 of a business trip to Brazil - we just have a rule to always say goodnight (via WhatsApp) and FaceTime at the weekends - time difference and work make it trickier during the week although sometimes can fit it in. We’ve been together for 10 years though, I can see why in an early relationship you might be worried about things fizzling out over that time. I think just expect minimal contact as he’s said and just spend the time enjoying your own life to the full. I’ve spent the past 4 weeks getting back into the gym and doing my own weekend trips and outings with friends. Good to have your own thing going on and really you only have 3 weeks and then you’ll be there for a week anyway 🤷🏽‍♀️

He can and should message you regularly. If he's time to use the toilet, he's time to say hi.

If he wants to, he will.

Sorry didn't mean to quote.

The downside of mobile phones. There is no need for contact multiple times a day. Jesus when I first married my DH worked away quite often we didn't even have a phone.

Yes but it sounds like she’s fairly clingy

How much contact do you have now that he feels he needs to manage your expectations? Don't give him any rules about when he has to message you, absence can make the heart grow fonder or make the heart forget all about him - this will be a good test

He hasn’t said he won’t have time to ‘fit her in at all’, he has said he won’t be in contact as much as they are now, that it will be less. Not non-existent, just reduced.

She has said they talk ‘multiple times a day’ at the moment, he’s just letting her know that won’t be possible while he’s away.

The fact he has had to make a point of telling her this suggests she is quite a frequent texter/caller and he feels he has to manage her expectations to avoid disharmony. I’d be reflecting on that if I were the op.

I hope you don’t take this the wrong way OP but you sound a bit intense, even though you insist that you are not.
He is travelling for 6 weeks for work, and he has told you that he will not be able to communicate as frequently as you are doing now. That’s a perfectly reasonable. It means that the communication will be different (possibly text instead of a call), and all of this makes sense. I second what others have said about visiting him on his work trip. Please reconsider this and keep in mind that he is away for work and not on holiday. Even if you visit he will have little time and you would end up spending a lot of time on your own.
It’s 6 weeks, not 6 months.

The whole thing seems a tad dysfunctional. I’ve had kids go away for a month for work and never heard from them. I did say a call once a week to know you are okay would be nice but on never getting anything I’m told they are busy and if something was wrong someone would call DH/me as we are in an emergency contacts list🤣🤣🤣. I certainly wouldn’t be expecting any contact from a boyfriend of 5 months who is only away for 6 weeks and supposedly flat out with work in that time. Also, if this is the case, why on earth would you go visit them during this? They are there for a reason with work, not sightseeing where you could pop along, and it’s only 6 weeks.

I like to go on holidays sightseeing, DH can’t stand it so I leave him at home for those holidays. He likes holidays associated with a hobby I can’t stand so no way I’m joining him on those. We would go well over a week without any communication at all when we go on separate holidays at different times and that’s people off on a jolly, not flat out working hard! If he rang I’d panic as presume the house had burnt down or one of the kids was very sick/in an accident and the odd texts we send are ‘trying to pay car rego but can’t find the mail with details, was it sent to you, can you look and let me know’ or ‘where’s the general cleaning refill, we had 10l of it and I can’t find it, we can’t have used it and I dont want to get more as I’m sure we must still have a full one, did you put it somewhere’. Or, should I send a pic of a lovely sunset I will get the response ‘nice. not worth an 8hr plane trip though.’

Is it that you think he may cheat or leave or something that you’d need to check in frequently and even visit him while he’s only away for 6 weeks?

I think you both need to quantify more, does he mean he won’t be whatsapping all day but FaceTime you each eve- lovely great! Or does he mean he will sent one text a week- not ok. Need to be a bit more specific I think!

WhatsApp is good for sharing photos and voice notes

I hope you have made plans for the week of your visit. It sounds like you'll be hoping he'll take time to show you around, but his priority will be the business meetings

It is not your (very new) partner's responsibility to help you manage your uncomfortable feelings.

It’s really only less than 3 weeks low contact either side of flying out, although I think to go to India for a week is nuts.
I’d definitely let him get on with it, chill out and leave him be.
He’ll be back less than 3 weeks after op sees him anyway.

It is not reasonable to expect a FaceTime every evening when he is a way for work. He will be staying with his business partner, they will be driving a lot, out for dinner and business meetings. Plus time difference. I would let me concentrate on his job. I would say some texts every couple days or a call once a week would be reasonable in this situation, I would not expect or want a daily contact. Make the best of this time for yourself!! Make plans with your friends, do what you wanted to do, with so much time for yourself!

I have to say, I agree this is a bit of overthinking. With time differences and general busyness, the chances are that realtime chats are likely to be fairly few and far between. But the joy of whatsapp or text is that he can text you in the morning while he's getting ready for the day. You then text him a bit later and he might not be abl eto respond but thats fine.

I find even just when DH went away with a few friends last year, we had plenty of communication, but very little in real time. Our schedules just didn't align. He was sleeping in and going to bed very late and I was here working, doing kids stuff etc. So he'd send pictures and text etc, but often at times I was sleeping or rushing around with the DC and when I was sitting on the couch in the evening he was out for ddrinks and dinner so he wans't replying then. it was fine.

Do and I always text goodnight last thing when we're apart. Timezones can make this odd sometimes! Anything more than that is a bonus if it's a work trip.

I worked an international job for 7 years.

I'd call home every evening even if only for 5 mins, just to touch base, check everything was ok and deal with any problems.

That's fairly standard among my colleagues, if only for safety's sake. Missed contact is an indicator something might be amiss.