Should I tell him?

[whattodo22222]

I've got a male friend who supported me through the break up of my relationship with my son's father. We've known each other for 2-3 years. Recently we've slept together a couple of times and I've just found out I'm pregnant (very early). I'm 100% sure I don't want to keep the baby, I'm finding single motherhood challenging as it is and it's not the right thing for my son and I. I'm torn over whether to tell him or not, I know he's currently under a lot of stress and particularly busy today as he told me when I saw him yesterday. Do I need to burden him with this? I don't think I need him to come with me to have a termination, I'm okay to handle it on my own.

AIBU not to tell him?

I wouldn’t tell him, what if he wants to keep it? Your mind is made up and it’s your body, as you aren’t keeping it this is nothing to do with him at all.

I'd keep quiet. You know what you want to do, he's stressed anyway. I can't see any positives in telling him.

Such a dilemma does he have kids already? Me personally truth is always the best thing. He is the father and I feel he should have a say too

Really unhelpful, take your emotional manipulation elsewhere. Like the thread denigrating women who have more children than the benefit cap.

No he doesn’t get a say in what OP does with her body.

Really

It’s a big secret to keep. If you tell him in the future it could be difficult for him to understand why you didn’t tell him at the time. The weight of the secret could come between you and him. I’d say that because he’s a trusted friend to tell him. It doesn’t matter if he’s stressed etc because this is b
more important than his stress. See how he reacts and see how he supports you in your choice.

@whattodo22222 I'm 100% sure I don't want to keep the baby, I'm finding single motherhood challenging as it is and it's not the right thing for my son and I. I'm torn over whether to tell him or not

Do not tell him. It's 100% your decision, and what's right for you and your son. You don't have a proper relationship with the 'father' even.

Honestly we can't win either way. I work full time and have elderly parents, so minimal support. My son has just experienced the ending of his parents' relationship. He doesn't need the upheaval of a new sibling. A new baby to add to mum's plate, without knowing whether the father and I would work in a relationship, is not in his best interests

Go away with your vile emotional manipulation.

It’s not a “little one”, and the OP has every right to choose what she does with her own body.

The thread isn't a debate on pro-life or pro-choice. The OP is asking for practical advice on whether she should inform him first.

No OP, go do it if that works for you.
It's your body. Your choice.

Ignore them OP, it's your decision you don't need to justify it.
I also wouldn't tell him in your shoes, it's very early days, it's not a relationship and your mind is made up.

OP do what is right for you.

FFS.

How fucking dare you!

This.

No guilt necessary.

Wow, some of these responses. OP it’s your body and I think you should just go ahead with what’s best for your DS and you and terminate the pregnancy. You don’t need his support and there’s a chance he’d want to keep the baby or blame you for the pregnancy or just introduce stress that you don’t need into the situation. Sorry you’re going through all this.

Don’t tell the father. What’s the point?

As others are saying, your body your choice.
Get it done asap.

Get better contraception next time.

It's not a life, It's cells and tissue. Stop trying to manipulate someone who's already struggling

What a bag of bollocks.

If you decide not to tell him (which is your right!). I would just caution that I wouldn't tell him any time after either. No mater how far into the future you get, you can't tell him.

Agree with this

It depends. How do you feel about him and do you think your relationship would go anywhere? (If yes, do you think it would make any difference to your wanting/not wanting the baby?)

Personally I wouldn’t tell your friend about your termination. You’ve made a completely valid choice. It’s your decision about your body, and I don’t think anyone would benefit from him being told about it. If you felt you needed his emotional support on the day, that would be different, but it sounds from what you’ve said that you’re confident about the choice you’ve made and are comfortable going alone.

You do need to look at birth control as a matter of urgency, especially as your situation with your friend seems very messy and undefined. I strongly doubt a FWB set-up is going to work here.