Should I tell him?

[whattodo22222]

I've got a male friend who supported me through the break up of my relationship with my son's father. We've known each other for 2-3 years. Recently we've slept together a couple of times and I've just found out I'm pregnant (very early). I'm 100% sure I don't want to keep the baby, I'm finding single motherhood challenging as it is and it's not the right thing for my son and I. I'm torn over whether to tell him or not, I know he's currently under a lot of stress and particularly busy today as he told me when I saw him yesterday. Do I need to burden him with this? I don't think I need him to come with me to have a termination, I'm okay to handle it on my own.

AIBU not to tell him?

I'm glad to hear it went well speaking with him. Best of luck

This is such bullshit.
Its nothing to do with him at all. Unless she wants to keep it, then he has to pay for 18 years. But he gets no say

Fully support your decision to terminate and fully understand the reasons why. I see you told him and he was supportive. I’m pleased you don’t have that stress too.

possibly the wrong forum and whilst I understand women’s bodies women’s choice I do however feel a certain kinda of way that women can 100% decide to stand by or walk away but men don’t get a choice and are battered by society for a contraception failure. Of course there are those that go around with no sense and no bother to the repercussions and that is also wrong.

I have in every relationship I’ve been in said at the beginning, I’m on contraception I don’t plan to get pregnant but should an accident happen I’m not for abortion unless I’m raped and I would not abort however if that’s not something you wanted to be a part of, I would not force you to be emotionally or financially.

I think this is an interesting topic of debate.

Not sure why you quoted me there.

Such a difficult decision for you so I don’t feel I can give advice except please use contraception if you are having sex.

No, don’t tell him. There’s no need.

It's totally up to you. Do what makes you feel best. If you would like to tell someone irl, do you have a friend or family member to support you?

If he means anything to you I would tell him. If you continue to be close friends or end up in a serious relationship is this really a secret you want to carry around for the rest of your life? I suspect it may end up coming out in the future and it could destroy your relationship.

Could you explain how MEN are battered by society for contraceptive failure? Because... they are not.

Men do get a choice. They can use a condom. They can abstain from sex. Just like women, they are in charge of their own fertility and should 100% always use condoms if they do not want to risk a pregnancy. No matter what other forms of contraception are in the mix.

i don’t need to explain you just proved the point 😂

contraception can fail on both sides. I did say there are people having sex Willy nilly and it’s hardly a surprise a woman ends up pregnant and my thought process doesn’t apply to those situations. That’s just being stupid.

im talking genuine situations where contraception fails, a man can say all he wants i dont want this, ask for an abortion but the woman can decide either way and equally a man can say ok wasn’t planned but I really want this and a woman can say no. It seems unbalanced is just my opinion.

I wouldn't tell him. You know it's the right decision for you and your son.
If you were wavering I would suggest talking it over with him but you know your decision so I would just keep it to myself and move on.

Another trope of internalised misogyny: the call for balance for the poor menfolk. The biology of reproduction is not balanced. There is no balance. The choice is always and only the woman's once she is pregnant.

He is not entitled to a any input. I would not be inviting any input.

Or I could say another example of someone close minded and unable to have a healthy debate and explore views which differ to their own. I like to have my opinions challenged and look at it from another view point but those who resort to sarcasm and insults have a long way to go. Enjoy your evening.

How would you suggest we balance this? Men should have a say? What would that look like? A man can veto an abortion if he wants the baby? That would be forced pregnancy. Men can force an abortion if they don't want the baby? Either way, 'balance' is a dystopian nightmare for women. There is no debate on those points - it only requires a small amount of critical thinking to realise that. There is no 'testing of opinion', as the only acceptable option for women is my body, my choice. That's a basic grasp of biological reality.

This exactly. Fwiw I didn't present it to him as being open for debate, I told him what I'd decided immediately. He knows what's been going on in my life well enough to understand and said "your body, your choice"

OiP, I became pregnant ar 21. I knew I had absolutely no intention of becoming a parent at that age for many reasons.

So I didn't tell him. I had already made the decision so I didn't need his input. I had no idea how he would have felt about it, but it didn't seem fair to either of us to tell him.when his feelings would have made absolutely no difference to my decision. At best, it would have made no difference. At worst, he could have been angry, upset, wanted to become a father... but without me being on board, it still would have made no difference.

Nearly 30 years on, I love still never doubted that decision.

I think you're well informed and confident in what you want to do. There not point in tell him as it's your body it's your choice. It's ok to do this. Focus on you and your son! You're beige such a good mum to him by putting your needs and his first. Proud x

How will it come out?

I had a temrinaton nearly 30 years ago and there is not a single person outside of my best friend at the time and the medical professionals involved who knows about it

I was subsequently married and my exh doesn't know. It's no one else's business.