To wonder if they're two faced

[sensitivesarah]

I'm weary of manipulative and two faced people. As a classic people pleaser, I've had my fair share of 'friends' walk all over me in the past.

There are two women at work, who are very close and seemingly have always been friendly to me. I would describe them (and me) as classic gossips, talking down about other people's performance and sharing information we have.

I've noted though on instagram they both stopped liking my posts completely. They both reply to my stories but won't interact with me publicly. They like each others and other people's, in fact they don't miss a beat. I don't think I ever scroll past a mutual colleagues post and don't see they've left their mark. However they both must have 'missed' by new home post just last week.

I'm aware this might sound immature and I'm not that young (34) but we've all worked together for several years and I'm weary of them because of their negativity and toxic behaviour (which I also engage in) but it feels like perhaps deep down, I am competition for them also and they are nice to my face but behind my back I'm another person therm criticise, hence they won't interact with me online. I can't think of why otherwise.

i always 🤔 when an Op describes themself as a “people pleaser”

I'm weary of them because of their negativity and toxic behaviour (which I also engage in) . and you’re. “people pleaser”?

No Op, i suspect you are not the latter

Why do you think it’s acceptable to partake in these toxic behaviours ? Why are you slagging people off in work and how they perform? You wouldn’t like it done to yourself so why are you actively engaging in it?
also if they are treating you like this it’s probably you experiencing how you’ve been to others by the sounds of it.

They don't sound very nice. No doubt their talking about you behind your back. Which of course, you fully deserve.

YABVVVU

People who bitch about others to you will bitch about others to you. It is a given.

You're not a people pleaser if you sit around slagging off people: you're a gossip and an insecure sounding person.

I didn't think there was a need to make the post longer but clearly more information is needed and not one person has helped answer my question.

Reminder - the question is around whether people ignoring posts online is suspicious when they seemingly interact with everyone else's. AIBU here and if so, can you give reasons as to whether you would not feel this way.

In terms of me engaging in conversation, it's relevant because it shows they can be unforgiving of others. However we don't 'sit around' doing it in the office day in, day out. This only happens outside of the office at work drinks, when it's just the 3 of us. We are in the same team and most of the untoward talk goes to our manager, but occasionally people from other teams.

This is not behaviours exclusive to the 3 of us, I've heard others at this company and previous companies do the same.

Admittedly I should do better but this is not out of the ordinary. I'm a people pleaser because probably I want to be liked and if I engage in whatever conversation is topical, then I feel like I'm bonding. Please be kinder.

Hey, why should we be kind when you admit you blatantly slag other people off in an attempt to be liked? I've worked with people like you, they're fucking weasels.

I'm a people pleaser because probably I want to be liked and if I engage in whatever conversation is topical, then I feel like I'm bonding. Please be kinder.

"It's dem what forced me to act all bitchy, honest!" 😂

'Lie down with dogs, wake up with fleas' seems pretty relevant here.

So not one of you has ever gone for an after work drink and shared frustrations about a low performer at work? Or inside of work. Ever. Please do come back and confirm.

and not one person has helped answer my question.

im not interested in helping anyone who, in their mid thirties, engages in toxic behaviour, and is friends with people who do and is bothered about likes on posts and describes themself as a “people pleaser” and includes a “Reminder” in their post to answer your pathetic question.

I wonder how many people you most definitely haven’t “pleased” over the years OP have started threads about you?!

“please do come back and confirm”

shudder

Do you have a partner? children?

I'm a people pleaser because probably I want to be liked and if I engage in whatever conversation is topical, then I feel like I'm bonding

Nope

You bitch with others and it makes you feel like you’re bonding with other bitches

Karma

I believe is at play here

Are you weary or wary?

Yes, I think them not interacting with your posts is because they have bitched about you and it’s a message.
You think they are the bitches and you are ‘people pleasing’ (weirdest use of these 2 words!) by bitching along with them too. They however, probably think YOU are the bitch who they are “people pleasing” by bitching along with you. After all OP, birds of a feather flock together.

@courgettes4eva partner, no children. Why.

People are being a bit harsh. Yes, OP, they are now hanging up on you, quite predictably. Distance yourself and stop bitching about people! I'm not judging btw, I've also been copped for bitching when I was trying to fit in with others who were doing it. Stay true to yourself, don't get involved.

I find it very hard to believe none of you have ever spoken about someone you work with. Ever. No one is confirming this. I'm not going out for drinks with them more than once every month, and it comes up in conversation about our manager being a low performer and being paid more than us, yet seemingly making little impact. It's really nothing unusual.

I've heard many, many people do the same, this company, past companies, outside of work, my partner's company, his previous companies.

Yes, plenty! Difference is I know, in such an environment, they'll all be doing the same about me. If my beer pals suddenly stopped acknowledging me I would assume that either [a] my own remarks had crossed over the line between good-natured and vicious, or [b] someone else had said something vicious about me.

Ask them! Try not to sound defensive or angry. Mildly hurt is OK.

"Please be kinder" 😂😂😂

Honestly? Relieved

Thank you. I'm glad one person has given a response like this.

Courgettes4eva has written about half a dozen comments, reprimanding me for being bitchy, whilst seemingly showing worse traits for it. The irony.

@courgettes4eva I am infertile. Born with low egg reserve.

I'm a better person than you are judging from your comments, please remove yourself from my thread.