To wonder if they're two faced

[sensitivesarah]

I'm weary of manipulative and two faced people. As a classic people pleaser, I've had my fair share of 'friends' walk all over me in the past.

There are two women at work, who are very close and seemingly have always been friendly to me. I would describe them (and me) as classic gossips, talking down about other people's performance and sharing information we have.

I've noted though on instagram they both stopped liking my posts completely. They both reply to my stories but won't interact with me publicly. They like each others and other people's, in fact they don't miss a beat. I don't think I ever scroll past a mutual colleagues post and don't see they've left their mark. However they both must have 'missed' by new home post just last week.

I'm aware this might sound immature and I'm not that young (34) but we've all worked together for several years and I'm weary of them because of their negativity and toxic behaviour (which I also engage in) but it feels like perhaps deep down, I am competition for them also and they are nice to my face but behind my back I'm another person therm criticise, hence they won't interact with me online. I can't think of why otherwise.

I remember my daughter worrying about people who acted like friends to her face, but who never liked her posts, and people who seemed to enjoy time with her, but who never shared any pictures of them together. This was when she was in year 7. She’s 19 now and, thankfully, she’s past that stage.

i am relieved that someone who engages in toxic behaviour bitching and gossiping at 34 years old and then gets wonders whether her compatriots are “two faced” when they do to her what she’s done to many ie bitch, hasn’t procreated. If that makes me “bitchy” so be it.

happily

night op

hope you get your bitches back

In general people who gossip and bitch about people do it about everyone, so yes they are almost certainly doing it about you.

When I was 15 I joined in with a gossip and bitching session. It backfired on me really really badly and now as an adult I only do it with people I have known for a long long time.

Yes when we all go to the pub on Friday night after work we whinge about how tired we are and how annoying the customers are but we don't generally bitch about colleagues.

It sounds like you're all twits to be honest.

34, bitches about "low performers" and worrying about what the office bullies do.

You all need to grow up.

It all sounds a bit mean girls. You could ask why they ignored it? Might be they don’t see your posts?

I wonder what the sharing of you: participating in toxic behaviour and gossiping about other people ( perhaps negatively) reveal about you poster and what good you expect from the universe back, hence what you are sowing is vile

People have answered your question OP, but because it's not the answer you're looking for, you're choosing to ignore it.

You cannot be a people pleaser and a gossip / bitch at the same time.

They probably caught onto you over bitching and got bored of it.

If I had concerns about an underperforming colleague I'd take that to my boss. I've had it with side eye knobbers.

And considering that your workplace pals are a bunch of gossipy twats, you've probably just been added to their bitching rotation. I've seen it a hundred times. To them, you're just another person to talk about behind your back. They're not your friends.

People who describe themselves as people pleasers always seem the most bitchy. Work towards being more authentic and you might find you care less about who likes your insta posts.

If you're not interested in answering her question and you genuinely think it's pathetic, then wtf are you doing on the thread? How pathetic is that? Why reply god knows how many times so nastily? There's someone on this thread "engaging in toxic behaviour" and it wasn't OP.

If they’re such bitches why are you so concerned to that you stay in their clique?

A "people pleaser" cares about the approval of others. If this is how you feel, then you don't seem to have self awareness because your posts and life approach seem abrasive. If you have been this abrasive in real life, then that might be why your colleagues aren't communicating with you as much over social media any more. It sounds very controlling and bizarre to want emoticons rather than written responses, but obviously you know their posting style, so you know without asking AIBU that they are annoyed with you. Which brings us to why you're posting; option 1 - ran out of friends in real life to complain at due to being abrasive, option 2 - hoping to aggravate the masses to have a fight. I can't think of an option that puts you in a good light. Have you considered exercise as an outlet instead?

Have you read the thread?

My view is almost unanimous

The OP’s years of bitchiness with these two has now turned on her

So really, what advice can one give aside from…. don’t engage in bitchy toxic behaviour at 34 (at any age really but you can be far more understanding if the Op was, let’s say, two decades younger!)

and i have just read the thread looking for your advice @MiGatoEsBonitoTuGatoEsFeo

Nope, nothing

Easy one: go off social media. I have never had it and nothing I have learnt so far is making me want to have it. It is toxic.

You've admitted you can be gossipy and mean about others
Why do you expect kindness here when you exhibit shitty behaviour?

So just because other people gossip, you think that makes your behaviour acceptable? Would you kick a kitten because other people do it? Rob a bank? Murder someon?
You say you are 34????

You're a gossip and a people pleaser? Doubtful.

Stop being a gossip, work on your own interests and get some new friends.

PS sorry about the infertility, if you would have liked to have kids, but that's not an excuse to be a two faced gossip.

We are answering, just not in the way OP wanted.

Reminder - the question is around whether people ignoring posts online is suspicious when they seemingly interact with everyone else's.

This made me smile.

We need a “Reminder” ie don’t suggest i don’t engage in bitchy toxic behaviour but stamps foot i demand you answer my question only

To answer your question they don’t want to be friends with you or show anyone they like or interact with you on a friends level that’s my opinion
they are distancing from you
I think they are probably talking about you with others and have probably decided they don’t like you it was probably inevitable from what you said.
I think you need to learn from this , if you can!
don’t get involved in other people gossip and nastiness of course they will eventually turn on you. Why people please on people that will turn their nastiness on you eventually. You should be Mature enough to see the error of these ways and yes most people might have done something like this in past but most probably will learn from this not to! You will never gain anything from talking nasty or negativity behind peoples backs you will never gain true happiness or friends from doing so! You wil attract only people that arnt worth the time if you carry on this way.
I’d remove them off all social media accounts so they see nothing and if they ask say you were only having family and close friends on sm from now on for a few reasons. It will give them less to talk about you in the future and less you can overthink about it. It may annoy them but so what feel good about getting rid of them smile and say hi if they ask if ok say yes of course have a nice day
give them nothing but false niceness what can they say about that.
i think it’s best as you shouldn’t be noticing all this or being fixated and bothered about This anyway
my best friend doesn’t like or comment on my stuff and I don’t care , I know she’s still my very valued friend and a click of a button or not, won’t alter that and doesn’t matter

"Have you read the thread?

My view is almost unanimous

The OP’s years of bitchiness with these two has now turned on her

So really, what advice can one give aside from…. don’t engage in bitchy toxic behaviour at 34 (at any age really but you can be far more understanding if the Op was, let’s say, two decades younger!)"

And what about your bitchy and toxic behaviour @courgettes4eva? I was just pointing out your hypocrisy. And although I've read through and see that you weren't alone in your opinion, I specifically replied to you because you were obsessively replying to her thread despite thinking her question was pathetic and not wanting to help.. So your only reason for posting was nastiness. Hypocrisy. Maybe you should stop engaging in toxic bitchy behaviour..are you a teenaged girl?

She specifically asked people to respond to her question, and you had a problem with that too.
I didn't really have anything to say to about her about social media, but it would be nice if you didn't derail her thread with your petty nastiness.

"We are answering, just not in the way OP wanted."

Ok @Werweisswohin? I wasn't replying to you. I was commenting on a poster who seemed to be taking pleasure in give the OP a repeated kicking despite specifically saying that she didn't want to answer OPs question.