To stop breastfeeding when DD loves it . Mum guilt

[Sparkleypants]

I was not able to breasted DS due to tongue tie. He is happy and fine ! Fed is best.

I was so shocked when DD arrived and I could feed her . After a bulky start we got there . DD is now 13 months. I work full time and she breastfeeds as soon as I’m back at 5 then at 7 then from about 9 she will feed all night if I let her . We co sleep so she sucks all night: She goes mad if I take her off after what seems like hours. I’m not sleeping and I’m exhausted. I don’t know if it is time to stop feeding her or not ?
Or do I try and get her into her own bed but keep feeding. I feel awful guilt as I am working all day and so feel feeding keeps our bond but she is now drinking all night and it’s become exhausting.

Thanks all.

p.s - will I stop craving chocolate when I stop feeding ! Hahaah

Sounds like she's using you as a dummy really

Do it OP.
You are a person too.
Mothers should not be guilted into being just vessels for their children. (And you've internalised that.)

Aren’t you concerned about tooth decay?

Breast feeding at this stage only works if it suits both of you and it’s clearly not working for you, OP.
Can you get advice from your health visitor or similar on how best to cut down?

Breastfeeding needs to work for both mum and baby, and this is not working for you, you must be sore and exhausted!

Are you able to get DD into her own bed, and then see if she will have short feeds before bed / at night / first thing as needed?

Don't feel bad about weaning partially or totally, you will still be bonded well despite working full time - you're her mum!

I can't comment on the chocolate

Ignore the first poster.

This is reverse cycling and often seen in babies who don't see their mums all day. She's having separation anxiety and trying to reconnect with you at night.

You could first try, putting her in her own room, she's old enough and if your not close she may naturally sleep for longer stretch of time. This will give you both more sleep, and is probably the first thing I would try. She may still wake once or twice during the night though, but you can address that separately. Just go with getting her used to her own room first. I wouldn't drop feeding at the same time as to many changes at once will just upset things to much.

Good luck, I hope you get some more sleep.

Clearly she's using it for go fort rather than nutrition. It's definitely time to train her to sleep without the breast.

Are you able to get her to eat a lot of food at dinner time? If so you can night wean.

If you're exhausted you have no choice really.

When I night weaned I read a book to her called Sally Weans From Night Nursing - I read that a few days in a row before actually attempting weaning. The first night or 2 will be tiring so start on a Friday night assuming you don't need to work at the weekend, and don't do it when she has a cold.

It's not as hard as you're expecting but you need to be committed to it because if you change your mind half way through that will be unfair on her and make it harder in the long run.

Don't feel guilty, the kid will be ok with it very quickly. It may only take 2 or 3 nights.

Sounds much more like she's using you for comfort than feeding at that age. I breastfed til 15 months and many people I know breastfed for 18 months+, so I don't think 13 months is old at all - but I don't recognise your situation where you are essentially being used as a dummy at night. By 12 months I was down to one feed a day.

Agree with PP that tooth decay would worry me if night feeding continued, and would you not prefer to have your room/bed back at night? It's your choice ultimately but I don't think stopping co-sleeping will stop your 'bond'.

Breastfeeding doesn't work the same as with a bottle. The breast has to be further back in the mouth and baby has the actively stuck to remove milk it doesn't pool milk behind the teeth like a bottle does. Breastmilk can cause tooth decay buy only if fed in a bottle due the mechanism of feeding.

DS1 fed till 2.5 and DS2 fed till 4yo. Neither have tooth decay. Plus 'milk teeth' are literally that: teeth suitable for breastfeeding.

OP, people will give you nonsense advice on this topic. You can feed DD until she loses her first couple of teeth if you wish, or you can stop earlier. Whatever works for you.

Interesting, thanks

You can night wean without stopping co-sleeping if that's your preference. At least, thats what I did. I just told my dd no more feeding in the bed so she learned that to feed she needed to be in the sitting room absolutely no exceptions.

Continuing to bf but putting her in another room, like PP suggested, sounds the most exhausting option.

I stopped co sleeping as I was being used as a human dummy and that really helped.

feeds have dropped to 11pm and then sometimes through til 6/7am or if not 4/5am only then down til morning.

are they teething? I think there is a regression too during this time. We also have had cold after cold from nursery which has made her more clingy so could be that?

to help I’ve started giving a formula feed during bedtime too make sure she’s hydrated, and take pressure off milk feed from me. I know you can use cows milk but for reflux reason we use formula still.

Of course you can stop if you want to! That doesn't mean your baby isn't going to tell you she's unhappy about it lol. You could stop cold turkey or look at habit stacking (check out Lyndsey hookway on IG) or reduce length of feed or only feed after it's been x number of hours since the last feed. Lots of options! Good luck x

@muggart I did this too, with the help of a couple of nights sleeping completely apart (baby coslept with DH and I went in with older DC) to break the habit initially. For a couple of weeks he wanted to bf more during the day I guess to compensate but now 3 months later he's only feeding 2-3 times a day.

We did this too. I night weaned by sending DH in with water. He cuddled her while she screamed for maybe 2-3 nights and then she just slept through. She was about 13-14 months.

I continued feeding her morning and evening until she was about 20 months.

@Sparkleypants oh also her cot is in my room as a mid step from co sleeping to her own room. I thought it might be too much at once especially if there is a separation anxiety element.

but as others have said there does seem to be a reconnection element after nursery. Also my child is so hyped and distracted there that I don’t think she drinks much milk so when she sees me it’s almost like she remembers she is actually hungry! So it could be that too. So from 5-8 I load her with bf, whole milk at evening meal and then formula during bed time. And a couple of bf.

@ProfessorPeppy did your children also still feed pretty much constantly overnight like this, at those ages?

We did this for similar reasons, also my back was in agony from the cosleeping!

First step was getting in her own bed in her room and stopping feeding to sleep at the start of the night, but I would still go to her if she woke in the night and feed her if she woke. We did this by basically having my partner do all bedtimes for a week rocking her to sleep in the chair.

Then she naturally started sleeping longer stretches so the feeding in the night stopped and she also stopped being able to settle on my partner so we started just doing story and putting her in the cot awake and she'll go to sleep all by herself now and 98% of the time sleep through till morning.

Me and my partner alternate bedtime now and she'll go down fine for both of us.

It seemed impossible at the time to go from cosleeping and bf-ing literally allllll night long to being able to just plonk her in the cot and shut the door but it can happen! Took maybe 3/4 months to get her sleeping through the night consistently but it's been that way for almost a year now. It did pretty much put an end to our feeding journey though, as she didn't need it through the night l, was a great eater of actual food and mornings/evenings were a rush as we were getting the hang of going back to work/childcare there was just less opportunities to feed and she'd fully stopped by 16months.

No I did the Jay Gordon method around 2 years old for both of them I think 😅

You are a human dummy. Just stop it.

No need to give up completely, just night wean. Instead of you going in to her room and breastfeeding send your partner in with a beaker of water. Expect a lot of crying (2 hours for us) the first night, but your partner stays and comforts, tell them that you’re asleep so no milk now etc. Second night so the same, highly likely the crying will be a lot less, third night repeat and again expect less crying. Main rule is your partner must go every time and not you. All my DC went to straight 12 hours sleep every night after that. Worth it in every way.

True story - I ended up in a psych ward because breastfeeding was detrimental to my mental health, but I felt that I had to keep doing it to be a “good mother.” Obviously your situation isn’t that dire, but I always support women quitting breastfeeding if it’s having a negative effect on them.

I’d night wean/sleep train but continue breastfeeding during the day first. But equally if you want to stop completely that’s okay too.