To stop breastfeeding when DD loves it . Mum guilt

[Sparkleypants]

I was not able to breasted DS due to tongue tie. He is happy and fine ! Fed is best.

I was so shocked when DD arrived and I could feed her . After a bulky start we got there . DD is now 13 months. I work full time and she breastfeeds as soon as I’m back at 5 then at 7 then from about 9 she will feed all night if I let her . We co sleep so she sucks all night: She goes mad if I take her off after what seems like hours. I’m not sleeping and I’m exhausted. I don’t know if it is time to stop feeding her or not ?
Or do I try and get her into her own bed but keep feeding. I feel awful guilt as I am working all day and so feel feeding keeps our bond but she is now drinking all night and it’s become exhausting.

Thanks all.

p.s - will I stop craving chocolate when I stop feeding ! Hahaah

It’s ok to stop if you’re ready.

Yanbu. I fed dd until she was just after 2. I cut down gradually. Saying no when we out of the house (when she was older), then instead of a snack I gave her solid food, then just bedtime then just bedtime feeds until she informed me there was ‘no milk.’ You have done a stand up job but you gotta think about you and your health/sleep now. I loved it but I knew when it was time to stop.

FYI cuddles replaced feeding with my daughter and she’s still a cuddler now at 10. It won’t stop any bond you have, it’ll just change a little bit.

Totally understand the guilt.

Will she take a bottle too? I gave mine a bottle of water in the night if she wanted milk…she naturally stopped waking when she didn’t quite get what she wanted. she was in her own room though so I had to buckle up for a few crap nights of staggering in with a bottle of water and her being cross that it wasn’t lovely boob.

Im a firm believer that no one is at their parenting best when they are exhausted and you are a better parent after a sleep.

I second a previous poster that recommended looking up Lyndsay Hookway on instagram. Her method of “habit stacking” helped me to night wean at a similar age. It’s where you basically introduce another comforting habit alongside breastfeeding, for us it was a comforter held against her cheek. After about a month she would only want to breastfeed at night while holding onto her comforter too. So then when I told her that we weren’t having boob in bed anymore, she still her had comforter. There were some tears but I’m sure that because she had another means to comfort and help settle herself it went a lot smoother than when I’d previously tried to cut down on feeds.

If extended bf isn't working for you, it's okay to stop. If you feel you need "permission" to assuage your conscience, I think you have it collectively from a bunch of strangers. :)

Bf is partly "food" and partly comfort. Gradually swap some feeds to an alternative eg solids, formula, cow milk. Only cut 1 feed at a time, rather than several immediately. The bedtime feed is usually the last to go. Honestly, this is all just teaching you to suck eggs - you've already successfully weaned one child! This is the same thing; do it whenever you feel ready. And, yes, you'll probably crave less chocolate - bf burns a lot of calories. Be mindful of your diet when you wean fully - cut out whatever snacks you added when you started bf. x

There’s a difference between having a feed and an older baby nursing constantly through the night. Just as there is a difference between an older baby having a bottle of milk in the night and having constant bottles of milk.

it’s fine to night wean. I didn’t feed 2 of mine in the night from a year and I still fed until 2+

I co-slept and breastfed until DD stopped of her own volition just before 3. But we worked on breaking the suck to sleep thing. So for three nights dh rocked her to sleep then put her beside me. She was held and comforted so not left crying or desperate for me but it broke the association with sleep. After that she didn't need to feed to sleep or wake at night to feed but I was able to carry on with a morning feed, an evening feed or two and feed for comfort during illness or upset. It worked really well for us.

Plenty of women breastfeed babies to sleep to much older than this. Dd was breastfed to 3 and has perfect teeth! Breast milk doesn't rot teeth!

Also at about 2.5 she went into her own room which is another option. But if you want to keep cosleeping and feeding you just need to break the suck to sleep association.

She’s old enough for no night feeds now so I would cut them out. You just have to refuse and soothe with cuddles etc. Or get partner to sleep with her for a few days.

Sounds like BF is one of those nature things that can actually be improved on as if it wasn't, it wouldn't be so easy to not do?

Start with stopping night feeds. Bra and tight top so she can't access and take it from there

We have both scientific research and late-stage capitalism to thank for that - for the viable alternative to breast milk, and the profits to be gained that make producing it worthwhile.

I was a long term breast feeding mummy. I breast fed my eldest until he was just under 2 and my youngest until he was 3.5 years.

My best advice for you is to seek advice from breast feeding networks/people who have experience in extended breastfeeding feeding. With all good intentions, people who don't breast feed or don't support extended breast feeding will not give you the appropriate advice in weaning and the effect it could have on you (mental and physically) and your child. This includes GPs(!!!!). I was given some extremely dangerous advice from a GP when I had mastitis!
There's Facebook groups, one I sought a lot of comfort from was FAB breastfeeding.

Someone posted about separation anxiety before and, from my experience, I would agree with that.

At this age breast feeding is most likely more of a comfort mechanism for the baby as opposed to feeding itself. There's nothing wrong with that. It's perfectly natural. My youngest would take a dummy so I was able to slip a dummy in when he was tired enough 🙈 if yours won't take a dummy, or you don't want to use one, look up habit stacking. It's a technique to help associate other habits with comfort.

I would just say aswell that, I know whilst you're in the trenches it feels never ending, but I promise you it is. These phases come and go. I remember feeling so lost at times in those early months, but it helped me to think of all the challenges as phases.

Sending you strength! You got this!

Having one feed in these circumstances is fine. Feeding through the night substantially increases the risk of caries. I’ve breastfed for 5 years of my life. It’s rich in lactose, like all mills, and if they nurse all night when their teeth are through it can risk tooth decay. Otherwise it’s protective of teeth.

I night weaned in the same circumstances at a similar age. DD continued to feed - but not during the night (exceptions made when poorly or upset) until she was about 2.5 years when we stopped.

At this stage the volume of milk is likely to be small so the risk of mastitis is lower. No need to over complicate it imo, you don’t need a hoard of experts to wean a baby off night feeds.

OP you could try slowly extending the duration of the night feed ‘ban’, if that helps/mastitis is a concern.

No, you are not being wrong to stop BF.

You also might find that if you night wean her, she will still nurse after work.

It's not reasonable to expect to nurse all night, it does affect your sleep. And fwiw, I think it also affects children's sleep, and sometimes their dental health as well.

Not sure what this is supposed to mean but it’s irrelevant to the OP’s question.

There are loads of other infant feeding chats if you want to do some breastfeeding bashing.

As a mum who still breastfeeds her 3 year old to sleep; I'd stop now if you are in this position.

I am really struggling with weaning her and I'm shattered! She feeds throughout the night and day still a LOT.

Go for it if it'll help you! And well done for breastfeeding ♥️

@Lighttodark see this is what I mean about dangerous advice. I had mastitis when my child was 18 months and I was the porliest I've ever been in my entire life.
A friend of mine had mastitis when she went cold turkey with her baby at over 2 years and she ended up with sepsis.
If you follow the BF networks ( which I expect you don't from your post) you wound see that a lot of mastitis comes from weaning.

You absolutely can't just throw comments like that around. Mastitis is an extremely serious condition.

And no need to direct the OP to a group of people who specialise in weaning and provide support? Seriously 🙄
Some people find weaning easy, some don't. The OP is clearly struggling or researching to make this thread in the first place so no directing her to a place where she can ask questions and get answers from specialists is the right thing to advice.

Also all these 'human dummy' comments 🙃🙃 and so what if you are able to comfort your child? Give over loves.

I’m sorry your experience left you poorly. My experience (x2) was different (not “easy” as you put it, but fine). I haven’t read the whole thread but it seems like most people are ok with weaning. Good thing this is a forum where we can all share our opinions/experiences and hopefully that helps OP.

Hi,

Sounds perfectly normal, just a phrase, she's trying to connect due to missing you, it won't last forever, reasearch proves she will be getting double the nutrients and antibodies and antioxidants, and all the wonderful components of breastmilk not yet discovered, all adding in fighting those nursery bugs for quick recovery. Interesting fact is protein, fats and energy and all the good stuff in breastmilk (protective factors) doubles over the age of 1, so it's naturally to breastfeed until 2 years and beyond, as per WHO guidelines.

The teeth comments; thanks goodness some people have corrected that teeth rot doesn't happen with breastfeeding infants; 💯fact. So you're good here.

Just a thought; is she eating enough food in the day? On the days my 19 month old doesn't eat enough at nursery, she feeds loads in the night. I don't mind though. It doesn't last forever, they wean when they're ready. You're providing more than just calories. It's just a season in your life, enjoy it. Enjoy those snuggles and closeness, sleep is over-rated ;)

However, you do you. But I wouldn't rush her at the detriment to her emotional health.
Western society are only just clawing back our infant-feeding-relationship mistakes.