To reach out to her?

[WickedDragon]

I have been sleeping with a married man for a long time (longer than I’d like to admit). I have been so so stupid and naive. When we first met he told me they were getting divorced and he was moving out but recently they have been on a few holidays together. Last night I exploded at him and told him that I’m ending it because I can’t do it anymore, he’s lied to me and to his wife. And I told him that I’m going to tell her.

He has told me she already knows (convenient) and is begging me not to tell her as it will cause her further upset and he is already handling the situation and has asked me to leave her alone.

would I be unreasonable to still reach out to her? I feel as though it’s very convenient that he says she found out the day before this all blew up in his face and feel awful that she doesn’t know.

i know im going to get loads of comments on how unreasonable it was to engage with this man for so long but i genuinely believed that his divorce and house sale was just taking a long time. I know that what i did was wrong and im really trying to find ways to fix it. HELP!

Why do you want to reach out to her? What exactly do you want to say? It sounds like you just want revenge on him, not that you actually care because otherwise it wouldn’t have been going on so long

I want her to know, he has been disrespectful to both of us by lying for all this time, lying to me about going through and divorce and to her about me obviously. I don’t want to form an alliance with her and don’t even expect a reply. If it were me, I would want to know. I didn’t know they were still together until he recently told me he was on holiday with his friends and then a mutual friend saw pictures his wife had posted on Facebook from the same holiday.

To fix it is to stop seeing him, Can you honestly not work that out for yourself?

You won't form an alliance. You're only doing this for your own gain

You want either revenge or for her to kick him out and come running to you.
You knew he was married and chose to carry on sleeping with him.
You have no moral high ground here.

Leave the poor woman alone.

Why do you want to tell her? Because he’s clearly going to stay with her, and you don’t want her to have him either?

She might not leave him anyway. They usually don’t.

You’ve been really stupid

Why not just stop communicating with him? Block him and don’t see him again? Get some self respect?!

Wont happen though will it

'Reach out' my arse.

You had no problem shagging him when you thought he was going to leave her, and now all of a sudden things aren't going your way, so you want to 'reach out' to her? 😂

If she does actually know and hasn't tried to message you first for some answers or something I'm not sure what you're getting out of it?

Just stop shagging married men.

If I were her, I'd want to know.

I think you need to tell her, otherwise she'll never know she's wasting her life on a lying loser.

It's one thing to be the other woman, CHOOSING to waste your life on someone who doesn't love you, but she hasn't had that choice. You need to tell her, with proof.

The woman who was shagging my first husband reached out, as you put it, to me. She explained that she felt I should know and she felt so bad for her part in the affair and felt as a fellow woman she had a moral obligation to tell me the truth (she actually said moral obligation 😂)
She got what she actually wanted, I threw him out and he moved in with her. They lasted 4 years and one child before he did the same to her.

So gross. Have some self respect.

Don't contact her, just finish things and move on. Theres enough hurt and damage all round. (Please stop with the fucking 'reaching out' expression.)

Would you rather she didn't tell you, and you either never found out, or found out much later? Whilst she was clearly naive and immoral, she did you a favour by telling you.

Yes it is a great community service to sleep with someone else's husband, play the 'I am a women who can't use my own brains' then put it onto someone else

Just go away and leave her alone. If he wanted to be with you he would be.

Oh come on, it’s never done as a favour.

It’s always out of anger and spite and revenge by a side piece who is slowly realising that they were never going to leave for them.

@WickedDragon

I want her to know, he has been disrespectful to both of us

And since it takes two to tango, isn't what you have been doing 'disrespectful' (a word badly overused by entitled people) to her? Considering you started letting him get his leg over when you knew 'he was leaving her' (they all say that, honey).

That's not what I said.

He clearly is a serial cheater. If it wasn't her, it would have been someone else. In the long-term, she did you a favour by exposing his cheating.

If she hadn't said anything, the poster could still be married and sharing a life with the prick.

Of course. I didn't mean she was literally doing it as a favour.

I meant, her revelation was a positive thing for the poster. The alternative is living a life of lies.

I'd rather know.

he has been disrespectful to both of us by lying for all this time
And what have you been if not disrespectful to her? Have a word with yourself, you feel stupid for believing his bullshit and want someone else to hurt alongside you. Stop thinking you have any other motives than revenge.

‘reach out to her’ was enough to set my teeth on edge, let alone the rest of it.

I would tell her. Yes you are angry, hurt and likely telling her out of revenge but that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t know as she may not already be aware. Then she has a choice to leave or stay.

@RunningThroughMyHead god no. I'm glad she told me and I got rid of the useless piece of shit. I found it amusing that she said she felt a moral obligation to tell me when she felt no moral obligation to avoid fucking my husband. Whilst I do firmly believe that he was the one who owed me loyalty and not her. I just thought it was a ridiculous phrase to use.

I want her to know, he has been disrespectful to both of us

Rewrite this line as:

I want her to know, so I can have my revenge.