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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To reach out to her?

54 replies

WickedDragon · 21/07/2024 11:00

I have been sleeping with a married man for a long time (longer than I’d like to admit). I have been so so stupid and naive. When we first met he told me they were getting divorced and he was moving out but recently they have been on a few holidays together. Last night I exploded at him and told him that I’m ending it because I can’t do it anymore, he’s lied to me and to his wife. And I told him that I’m going to tell her.

He has told me she already knows (convenient) and is begging me not to tell her as it will cause her further upset and he is already handling the situation and has asked me to leave her alone.

would I be unreasonable to still reach out to her? I feel as though it’s very convenient that he says she found out the day before this all blew up in his face and feel awful that she doesn’t know.

i know im going to get loads of comments on how unreasonable it was to engage with this man for so long but i genuinely believed that his divorce and house sale was just taking a long time. I know that what i did was wrong and im really trying to find ways to fix it. HELP!

OP posts:
Theweekendalways · 21/07/2024 14:04

I wouldn't reach out to her. You were happy to have sex with him knowing he was still married for months so why tell her now. I would think it was out of spite. Why didn't you wait until he was single if you thought he was going to get a divorce? I think you knew deep down he wasn't going to leave her. They rarely do. Also, posting on here hoping to get sympathy will not work.

I'm not judging you btw. I had an affair with an older married man when I was in my 20s. I enjoyed the thrill of it and the fact an older man wanted me. Plain and simple. He didn't put a gun to my head. After months, I woke up one morning and thought what the fuck have I been doing. Blocked him on everything and never spoke to him again. I look back now and cringe at myself and the thought of him makes me feel sick.

The best thing you can do now is block him on everything, leave them alone and move on with your life. Don't entertain married men again.

spicysamosahotcupoftea · 21/07/2024 14:15

"he has been disrespectful"

Hello, Pot? It's me, Kettle...

seedsandseeds · 21/07/2024 14:23

You don't feel awful that she doesn't know.

You think you don't deserve to be lied to when that's what you're doing. Now you're blowing up and want to get revenge for him treating you how you deserve to be treated.

BeardedLodger · 21/07/2024 14:34

Think of what you want, what you actually want.

Him?

Them divorcing?

Him to stay with her?

You have no control over any of the above whether you tell her or not.

So don't.

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