To reach out to her?

[WickedDragon]

I have been sleeping with a married man for a long time (longer than I’d like to admit). I have been so so stupid and naive. When we first met he told me they were getting divorced and he was moving out but recently they have been on a few holidays together. Last night I exploded at him and told him that I’m ending it because I can’t do it anymore, he’s lied to me and to his wife. And I told him that I’m going to tell her.

He has told me she already knows (convenient) and is begging me not to tell her as it will cause her further upset and he is already handling the situation and has asked me to leave her alone.

would I be unreasonable to still reach out to her? I feel as though it’s very convenient that he says she found out the day before this all blew up in his face and feel awful that she doesn’t know.

i know im going to get loads of comments on how unreasonable it was to engage with this man for so long but i genuinely believed that his divorce and house sale was just taking a long time. I know that what i did was wrong and im really trying to find ways to fix it. HELP!

@GalileoHumpkins

Have a word with yourself

If that doesn't work, give your head a wobble.

Just cut him out of your life with no explanation and move on.

I mean, I would want to know if my husband was shagging someone else long term.

But please, don’t pretend this is anything other than revenge on your part.

You are not the victim in this situation.

Quite. Or I want her to know we have both been disrespectful to her, and I’m angry to realise I was just a shag on the side.

@WickedDragon she probably has no idea and he’s lying to you.

You need to end it, whatever you decide.

Once out of it, you can give more thought to why you feel the need to tell her.

So the message is: sleep with whoever you want, then when things don’t go your way, grass on the other person 🙄🙄

and then call it morals bahahahahahahahahaha

thats enough internet for me today

Oh come off it, she realised that ages ago and was happy to continue until things didn't go her way.

And now she wants to 'reach out' for her sake 😏😂

I'd have a bit of respect for the OP in this situation, if she cut the wanky phrases, and opted for a shred of honesty instead.

You want to ‘reach out’ to hurt her because you’re hurting. As the OW, the only respectful thing you can do is slink away quietly.

Your motives aren’t altruistic.

Hurting her won’t change anything.

Completely agree

Doubt OP will be back.

"Reach out"?
🤮

I think you just mean "get in touch with" or "contact" surely.

A woman I knew got dumped by a married man she'd been shagging Same story, she doesn't understand me, etc. She 'reached out' to the wife. Far from their marriage being on its last legs, the wife had no idea at all and didn't think there was any problem up to then. What surprised me was that the wife slapped the other woman on the face, quite hard, and shouted 'Hands off my fucking man, you slapper!'. They have since had a third child, I gather. I have to admit I do find people puzzling sometimes.

Oh come on now

Where's your blue sky thinking? 😬😁

In her shoes, I'd watch out the wife doesn't reach out for my neck with both hands.

I know that what i did was wrong and im really trying to find ways to fix it. HELP!

Of course you are.

You want her to kick him out so he comes crawling bk to you!!! You didn't give a fck about him disrespecting her before now so don't pretend like you do now.

Block and move on if you have any self respect.

• "Reach out"? 🤮*

At least it's not "touch base".

I imagine he's been touching the OP's base for quite some time.

I know it's not the workplace, but this is still very relevant.

If she doesn't already know, it's not for you to destroy her life more than the two of you have already

I just happened to be listening to the Four Tops as I read this!

I’lllllllllllll be there ….. to sleep with your husband for youuuuuuuuuuuu .

🎵 when you feel like you can’t go on , because all of your morals have gone 🎵

😂😂😂

I want her to know, he has been disrespectful to both of us by lying for all this time,

So you were fine with him lying to her all this time, but now you've seen that you're not going to get what you want and you've decided he's been lying to you as well, you're suddenly not ok with it? Walk away. Don't have affairs with married men. Leave them to sort out their marriage, because it's not your business.

You weren't stupid and naive, you wanted a shag and couldn't be bothered to wait for him to be single. You knew what you were doing.

Bloody own it. Tell her or not, but at least have the courage to own your behavior and less of the trying to team with his partner as he "disrespected both of us".