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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why is he nice to others but not me.

71 replies

PineappleSand · 20/07/2024 21:27

I don’t understand why my partner is so vile to me.
He calls me names, swears at me, just today I’ve been told to shut the fuck up about 14 times. He calls me a dickhead, a rat, a bitch.

Yet he’s nice to people. Nice to people that have been horrible to me. I could be stabbed to death in front of him and he’d still blame me. He blames me for everything
We have just got back from a day out, I thought it was a nice time, but because he got caught in traffic and my phone had no signal he’s told me I’ve ruined the day, I spoil everything and I make every day of his life a misery. I don’t understand what I’ve done.

OP posts:
Alwaystired2023 · 20/07/2024 21:28

He sounds awful OP, would/could you leave him? You deserve so much better

LuckyOnes · 20/07/2024 21:28

Because he can. You should get out ASAP. It's unlikely to improve.

JustTalkToThem · 20/07/2024 21:28

Stop asking that question and move on. Leave.

StopGo · 20/07/2024 21:29

Because you let him. Up your standards. I

CopperNanoTubes · 20/07/2024 21:29

Leave him. He’s a dick.

BippetyBoppetyBooHoo · 20/07/2024 21:30

You're asking the wrong questions. You should be asking yourself....

Why am I putting up with this?
Why haven't I left already?
What am I getting out of this relationship?
What would my life be like without him?
What would I say to a friend if she told me that their partner treated them like mine does to me?

Original poster
PineappleSand · 20/07/2024 21:30

We’ve been together 7 years. I don’t have anyone else. My self worth is in the toilet. He’s managed to convince me I’m everything that’s wrong in the world and more.

OP posts:
Sunshineafterthehail · 20/07/2024 21:30

Ltb and don't look back. It is very very good for your mh to cut the crap from your life.

Saintmariesleuth · 20/07/2024 21:30

He sounds horrible OP. How long have you been together?

NinaPersson · 20/07/2024 21:31

He’s a nasty abusive bully. Walk away from this, you don’t deserve to be treated like that xx

Original poster
PineappleSand · 20/07/2024 21:31

Saintmariesleuth · 20/07/2024 21:30

He sounds horrible OP. How long have you been together?

Since 2017.

OP posts:
NinaPersson · 20/07/2024 21:32

Do you have children?

BouleDeSuif · 20/07/2024 21:32

Because he's a cunt, and you can do better.

nutbrownhare15 · 20/07/2024 21:34

This is emotional abuse. Please get in touch with women's aid and chat things through with them. They will listen and not judge or tell you what to do.

Gettingannoyednow · 20/07/2024 21:34

You haven't done anything. He is an abuser. He won't change, because he thinks his behaviour is fine. Get help to leave - contact Womens Aid.

nutbrownhare15 · 20/07/2024 21:35

Also, the book 'Why does he do that?' by Lundy Bancroft explains why he behaves like this. It's available as a free pdf online if you Google it

PoopedAndScooped · 20/07/2024 21:36

Please leave

KreedKafer · 20/07/2024 21:38

He’s a domestic abuser, OP. It really is that simple. He’s a nasty, dangerous man. This isn’t anything you’ve done wrong to ‘make’ him treat you like this. He would abuse any woman he had a relationship with, because that’s what domestic abusers are like. He will never change, ever. Get away from him, as soon as you can.

DancingFerret · 20/07/2024 21:38

He's abusing you. If you try to leave the relationship he'll probably suddenly be nice and offer undying love to make you stay. Do you have family or friends who would be able to help and give you support?

powershowerforanhour · 20/07/2024 21:39

"He’s managed to convince me I’m everything that’s wrong in the world and more."

TBH I wouldn't trust his judgement on that.

WigglyVonWaggly · 20/07/2024 21:42

The simple and honest answer is that he’s told you to fuck off 14 times today alone because all 14 of those times he’s had no consequence. Same for every other day he’s done it. Same goes for him blaming you for everything. He doesn’t do this to other people because he simply wouldn’t be able to talk to other people like utter dirt. He won’t have started doing this to you from day one either: he’ll have tested a bit at a time to see how much abuse he can get away with. Well, now we have at least 14 times a day. He’s an abusive, nasty prick and it will continue like this until you get away from him. I’d contact Women’s Aid. You deserve better than this contemptible piece of crap of a man.

tsmainsqueeze · 20/07/2024 21:43

PineappleSand · 20/07/2024 21:30

We’ve been together 7 years. I don’t have anyone else. My self worth is in the toilet. He’s managed to convince me I’m everything that’s wrong in the world and more.

You recognise that he is a vile shit or why would you be posting here ? you know he is wrong and this is a toxic relationship ,
although you say you have no one else surely you know that to be alone and living in peace away from this awful abuse would be better than what you have now.
You have one life only ,find your inner strength and make a plan to get out of this terrible relationship , you do know that he will never ever change don't you ? so you have your destiny in your hands and you have to make the change.
Good luck, there will be so much more to come in your life ,there is happiness in so many ways out there once you are free from this pathetic specimen of a man.

flowertoday · 20/07/2024 21:44

He does these things because he is an abuser. Could be he was neglected or abused as a child himself.

You continue to tolerate him and his disgusting behaviour because he has worn you down and ruined your self esteem and hid any hope from you. It is what abusers do.

What is absolutely true always and forever is that it is not your fault. And nor do you have to stay. The hope and light he has taken from you is on the other side of this. You are worth so much more than him and the misery he lives in, and keeps you in.

Contact women's aid. Get advice, make plans and leave. Please 🙏 x

Longdueachange · 20/07/2024 21:46

It really isn't you who is the problem, its him. Please listen to everyone above and contact a women's refuge. The fact that you are asking means that you know you need to get out. X

WigglyVonWaggly · 20/07/2024 21:47

When he tells you you make every day of his life a misery, you realise that he’s a pathetic coward who hasn’t got the guts to leave you and his supposedly hideous life, don’t you? And the reason for that is no fucker else will put up with his vile personality. So, he blames you for his own shit behaviour as that’s easier than looking at himself in the mirror and thinking, “I’m a cowardly little cunt who calls my partner of seven years a rat and makes her feel utterly worthless all day every day.”