Why is he nice to others but not me.

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I don’t understand why my partner is so vile to me.
He calls me names, swears at me, just today I’ve been told to shut the fuck up about 14 times. He calls me a dickhead, a rat, a bitch.

Yet he’s nice to people. Nice to people that have been horrible to me. I could be stabbed to death in front of him and he’d still blame me. He blames me for everything
We have just got back from a day out, I thought it was a nice time, but because he got caught in traffic and my phone had no signal he’s told me I’ve ruined the day, I spoil everything and I make every day of his life a misery. I don’t understand what I’ve done.

Would you be able to look for a job that wasn't working from home?As you might make friends more easily if you are working alongside people daily.
Just do things you enjoy or start going to the gym, this will help you feel better and you may met people whilst doing it.
You are never the old you again but you can rebuild into a new stronger you.
Don't worry about what people think about you, be the best version of you and people will want to be around you.

You are strong you are beautiful you are worth so much more. He is nasty. Leave the fucker, go back to parents, see if you can go into work one day a week & meet people. If that’s not possible joking a reading,knitting or hula hoopers circle- whatever just join something & meet people. There is life after abuse & you are on the first step. Good luck. Ax

Please, please, please get yourself out of this horrible situation. He doesn’t love you.

Can you reach out to the old friends ? Your parents, confide in them and can you go stay with them?

Jesus Christ. You’re being abused - to an extreme level on a daily basis - and suffering from trauma as a result of that (as any normal person would).

He has taken everything from you, including your self esteem and your sense of agency and control over your own life.

You obviously know how bad this is, but you need to recognise that you are not helpless - he’s just made you think you are. How is your relationship with your parents? Would you be able to stay with them for a while? If not, definitely contact Women’s Aid for advice.

Once you’ve removed yourself from this situation, and this shit stain of a man from your life completely, you’ll be amazed at how capable you are and how easy, free and happy life can be when you’re not weighed down by 15 stone of useless, abusive cunt. You can do this.

I actually chose to do my job from home as after the pandemic I just wasn’t able to socialise. I can’t talk properly in social situations. I only talk to my parents and that seems to come natural.
I just don’t know where to start, I’m scared of the unknown I think.

Please talk to your parents. They would be horrified to learn how unhappy you are.

It’s very hard work to socialise when you’re living a lie and trying to maintain a facade of everything being ok when you’re living a lie.

Believe me, you'll feel so much better, if you actually take the step of leaving him. You will feel FREE. Absolutely no need to be scared of the unknown, try to feel excited about the freedom that awaits you!

If your parents are happy for you to move back in, and as you work remotely at home anyway, this could be a really simple, easy LTB.

I do know how hard it is to leave, and I also know how sweet that freedom feels once you get it.

I think you've come to the point that you realise something is not right in your relationship. Hopefully everyone on this thread have made you see that he's a vile abusive pig, and hopefully, once you've reflected on this, you'll find your strength to pack your bags and leave. Best of luck xx

Your old self is still there, he has squashed it down so far, that you can't remember what normal you feels like.
Please find a way to leave.
Your old self will return and you will thrive without him

He's put your self worth in the toilet because he's such a useless pathetic man that controlling and being nasty to you is the only thing that makes him feel good. Look at leaving and you will start to climb out

Please go back to your parents if you can op. Get someone to help you pack and be there when you leave. Pack when he's out if you can.

If you rent, talk to your landlord about getting out of the lease.
He does it bc he can get away with it in the privacy of home, whereas it wouldn't fly anywhere else. You don' t deserve this, everything isn't your fault. You don't control traffic or phone signals, what an asshole! The things he says about you aren't true op. Wishing you a better future.

Leave.

Honestly, you are describing my ex-H. I stayed with him for 8 years, trying to be better, wondering why he hated me, and desperately hanging on to the two hours a month when he was "nice to me".

I was frightened to leave. I had literally nobody. Zero support network, as he'd cut it off.

To cut a very long story short, I did up and leave - early one morning, with a Tesco carrier bag of 'stuff', and DC1 in the buggy.

I didn't have a plan. I didn't even know where I was heading to when I walked out the flat.
I just knew that I needed to go, because it was never going to get better.

That was 24 years ago.

I managed it, I got a plan together, and my life worked out.

You can leave too, I promise.

Why are you even with this piece of shit?
Get rid of him, he sounds absolutely vile

Why is he nice to others but not me?

Because he's an abusive narcissist.

I have been in this situation, you can leave him and at first it will be hard, not going to lie about that. But after a while you will start to see how bad your life was, please do leave him, call the woman's refuge number, they will support you, because what he's doing to you is abuse.

He's convinced you that you are the problem, but it's him and it's exhausting, living your life walking on egg shells. He's isolated you from the outside world so he can control you.

I think that’s exactly what it is. Plus my demeanor changed. I’d laugh, I’d joke, I’d talk about things with people, be there for people. Now it’s like I can’t imagine doing that because what if they think I smell, I talk too much, my voice is bad, the constant worry of saying something offensive or upsetting someone

'Mum, dad will you help me to leave? He's horrible to me'

They will help you. They almost certainly know much more than you think x

Ask yourself what you'd say if a sibling/close friend was telling you this?
It's not your fault, he is treating you badly and you don't have to put up with this.
You are worth more than you think and you don't deserve this treatment.

Of course you don't understand why he's like that to you. Why should you? You are not like it. Normal decent people are not like it to those they are supposed to love and share life with. It's a waste of your time, energy and life force trying to understand the why and the wherefore of his harmful behaviour.

You know what you need to know, namely that he is name calling and abusing you and making your life a misery. You've recognised this and although you may not think so, have already taken a first step and opened the door a chink to freedom and a better life by posting here to tell of your distress.

No one here thinks badly of you or that you do not know how to talk to people. You are doing just fine and with encouragement, can take another step, speaking to Women's Aid and your parents. If they don't know, they can't help and support you to end this nightmare you are enduring. It's important that you do speak to someone in your life apart from him because making it known changes your perspective and opens up possibilities you can't envisage or manage on your own. t

It's not a fault or a failing to need supportive family or women's aid in order to deal with this trap you find yourself in. Fear is real and present and can stop us from changing things or attempting to but with help you can move towards something that on your own you imagine to be impossible.

I apologise if I'm overstepping here.
If you don't want to speak to someone you know, please speak to someone who is trained to give you the right advice.
0808 2000 247 is the domestic abuse helpline.