friend is very flaky, sick of it.

[weirdwasp]

Started to not reply to about 50% of messages so I stopped bothering.
Stopped initiating first anymore even though she used to.
She then apologised in person and suggested we have a coffee next week to catch up.
So a week later, I text her on WhatsApp asking what date is best, giving her a list of dates I can do.
She read it (has the blue ticks) and never replied, that was a fortnight ago.
She was the one who suggested it.
She's done this before, I did feel like she was trying to distance herself, which was fair enough if that's what she wanted, but then she'd come back.
I know the best thing is to just ignore.
The coffee incident made me feel stupid, I don't know why but I felt embarrassed she read it and didn't reply.

I'm letting her have power over me and I don't want that. If she gets in touch again, I don't know what to do?

Don't wait for her to get in touch. Block her now on Whatsapp and your phone, even better, delete her from your contacts, and don't think about her any more. Please - why aren't you doing this? You don't need her permission to dump her.

Walk away

Do you reckon?
Im worried ill just look dramatic and OTT. I'm not expecting someone to reply to every single message - it's just that I know if I didn't speak to her first she'd rarely speak to me.
If she genuinely forgot to reply about the coffee that's fine, but I feel like it was deliberate

Is your friend ok? That would be my first concern. I tend to hide from social situations when I'm struggling with my mental health.

I wonder if she is perhaps struggling with MH or anxiety so likes the idea of coffee out but struggles going through with it hence the radio silence when it comes to fixing a date.

I'm so sorry. Why do people do this? Send her a final message - "I hope you're ok, but it's not on to muck me around like this. I'm deleting your number now and please try to behave better if you have any friends in the future." Press send and block and move on.

Reframe it as you attempting to firm up on a plan she suggested, and actually getting the measure of her commitment. It was not a faux pas or letting her have control, it was a very reasonable move to make, and has given you the upper hand in how you proceed.

I'd walk away.
I had a friend like this, I'd see that she's read my message and would ignore me for weeks on end but be able to post online often about the food she was eating, what she was watching on tv etc.
The last straw was when I messaged her to say I was going into hospital and she left me on read. The next day I asked her if she even cared and her reply was "I'm busy dealing with my boiler, it's broken down."
I hit block and haven't looked back since.

It could be, however she was clear about the fact that she'd been for coffee with other friends, so that made it feel personal.

I'm afraid of confronting people because I worry about looking like a 'psycho' and apparently everyone loves very laid-back people who are so chilled about everything.
I know I'm overthinking this.

Unfortunately, I'm a flaky friend. Has she always been like that? My flakiness is dependent on my mental health usually and I suspect I also have ADHD (I would never claim this as fact because I've never been assessed). I've lost friends because of my flakiness and always feel bad that I've upset them but accept that some people don't want to deal with me and my AWOL periods and don't expect anyone to. I make it clear to my friends that my issues are mine and not a reflection on my feelings towards our friendship or how much I value them as friends, I just struggle to be present sometimes.

If she's a good friend and you want to salvage the friendship, talk to her about it. If she's not then cut your losses.
I'm sorry she's made you feel this way, I doubt it will be about you.

It sounds like this friendship means more to you than it does to her. She doesn’t seem at all bothered about seeing you or replying to your messages, so honestly, just stop getting in touch. If she contacts you again suggesting you meet, just reply with something like “The ball’s in your court so just let me know when you’re free” and you’ll either hear back or you won’t. Stop chasing her and stop messaging her if she doesn’t reply. You sound like you just have totally different expectations of what a friendship is.

Before blocking her, why not directly tell her how you feel? Then she has a chance to behave better.

Definitely don’t engage with anything other than an apology and a clear arrangement.

Stop messaging and just call. Ask. Speak. Be prepared to considered it to be a friendship that's run its course for this season in your life.

Also, re your update on coffee - it could be that the people she's been out with were the first people who have asked since she's been feeling like socialising. If I've been absent for a while I always feel bad and often don't want to be the first person to contact people in case I'm annoying them. Deeply dysfunctional really.

@weirdwasp

Im worried ill just look dramatic and OTT.

Who cares? If you block her, you won't know whether you look that way to her, or not, and, anyway, why does it matter?

This would be my first reaction too. I would think she's either overwhelmed in her personal life or having mental health struggles. Have you asked what's going on?

OP just let her go. No need to feel embarrassed. Friendships change.

Keep the high road though. Sending her a telling off and blocking - like other posters have suggested - would just make you look immature and dramatic. And potentially make things awkward for you in the future.

New friends, new focus. You will be ok.

No need for dramatic final messages and blocking, just leave it and focus on other friends instead.

If you don't ask, you won't know. If you've suggested dates it definitely ok to text again and say "did any of these dates work for you?" If she doesn't reply to that, that's ghosting. But if you don't chase it could just be overwhelm. You said she did apologise in person, rather than just ignore the issue (which I would suspect someone intent on ghosting would do)

I was about to say is she struggling with her MH until you said she's been out with other friends.
I think her not replying speaks volumes about how she feels about your friendship. You deserve better you don't have to say anything. She hasn't responded. Delete that chat, even her number and be around people that want to be your friend. You shouldn't have to second guess any friendship or relationship.

I had a male friend like this! Desperate to see me whenever I ignored him - then wouldn't turn up for plans, would ignore me etc as soon as I responded.

In all honesty I think it's about control and attention - cut her out!

I have a limited social battery. I love to see my friends and I love hanging out with them. But when I have too many social things like coffee in a week or a fortnight I start to feel overwhelmed and exhausted and other areas of my life suffer. But yet, when I'm talking to a friend I will inevitably end up saying that I'd love to see them - because I genuinely would. I just don't know when I will have the bandwidth for it if its just after a run of social things. My extroverted friends don't get this at all. My more introverted friends wouldn't make the plans in the first place because they're happy with text. I think sometimes it's more an inability to say no because you want to do everything and not being good at knowing when it's too much?

I wouldn't get in a quarrel about it, but I would put no further effort into staying in touch.