friend is very flaky, sick of it.

[weirdwasp]

Started to not reply to about 50% of messages so I stopped bothering.
Stopped initiating first anymore even though she used to.
She then apologised in person and suggested we have a coffee next week to catch up.
So a week later, I text her on WhatsApp asking what date is best, giving her a list of dates I can do.
She read it (has the blue ticks) and never replied, that was a fortnight ago.
She was the one who suggested it.
She's done this before, I did feel like she was trying to distance herself, which was fair enough if that's what she wanted, but then she'd come back.
I know the best thing is to just ignore.
The coffee incident made me feel stupid, I don't know why but I felt embarrassed she read it and didn't reply.

I can completely understand why you feel hurt. Just wondering what's happening for her at the moment? When I'm struggling and life feels completely overwhelming, even my very best friend asking for a solid date to promise to meet feels way too much. I just initially ignore then forget the message usually, but it doesn't at all mean I don't care for the friend.

However, if she's almost always putting in no effort and you think she's fine then I would be inclined to leave her alone and try to build your life without her.
I'm sure this is hard. Hope you're ok ♥️

How did this become about her have MH for certain now? Op knows her best and her actions very much speaks volumes. Pp nailed it as breadcrumbing which sound like that's her problem.
Some people get kicks out of putting others down.

But it's not the slightest thing, is it? If you want to have friends you have to be available occasionally. Or explain yourself.

Some posters show well-intentioned concerns about mental health. So what? Her mental health concerns are not yours. Fuck her off.

I just gave up on these types op. I got told on here nobody obligated to reply to me!) I dont know it leaves you hanging can they meet can they not. My friend said this week oh I forget to reply. Puts me off meetups now

@Treesnbirds ” I just initially ignore then forget the message usually, but it doesn't at all mean I don't care for the friend.”

I didn’t want to hijack this thread so started a new one as this sort of comment has been on my mind. Be interesting to hear your thoughts.

Hey OP, I also suggest you drop her. Whatever reasons she has to behave like this, she still has to show common decency and respect towards you.

I would just not reply to her anymore (block or whatever). But if you feel uncomfortable doing this, just don't get in touch first, and if she will get in touch again - be non-committal. Like, dont rush replying, just say say yes, we should meet up. And leave it at that. As your friend is such a flake, it will not go any further anyway. It will pewter out eventually.

She is not really a friend, I'm afraid.

People like this are exhausting. Give them the same amount of effort as they give you, which is none.

Same people who post shitey memes about "real girlfriends don't care if you don't reply to messages etc they know friendship is what matters".

Usually have a victim complex.

To the point of being rude to your friends? How about simply saying - I'm not up to it, speak later?

Victim complex, innit? "me, me, me, I'm the only person in the wooooorld"

Victim complex, innit? "me, me, me, I'm the only person in the wooooorld"

How nasty. There's a bit more to mental health difficulties than that.

"real girlfriends don't care if you don't reply to messages etc they know friendship is what matters".

Guess what? Sometimes it's true. Who'd have thought it?

Would you ditch a friend for being flaky without trying to find out if anything was wrong?

But it's not the slightest thing, is it? If you want to have friends you have to be available occasionally. Or explain yourself.

I could have been clearer in that post. I do see people advocating blocking for the slightest thing and I do think it's pathetic. I do think blocking would be overkill in OP's scenario. But equally, I agree, the friend does owe OP some sort of explanation for the flakiness. In fact that's another reason I think blocking is often overkill - you never get to find out if the person might have come to their senses and apologised.

Ghosting friends is nasty, Take a long, hard look at yourself if this is you.

Ghosting friends is nasty, Take a long, hard look at yourself if this is you.

What a weird extrapolation, I've never ghosted anyone in my life. But nor do I trivialise and mock other people's struggles. Unlike some.