AIBU to be so angry?!

[CatsRuleOkay]

I split up with my ex about 6 years ago, we have a DD who is 12.

We started off doing 50:50 which I knew he wouldn’t be able to keep to as his job is so important to him. Pretty soon, we had after school club complaining he was always late & my DD complaining he was always shouting.

I now have her the majority of the time, she is not easy!

In the last week, my DD has been on holiday with my ex & it has been so chilled & peaceful at home, I feel like a new woman!

My ex & I do exactly the same job, both full time. AIBU to feel so angry that he gets a full week off every other week whereas it’s a luxury to me that happens once every few years?!

Yep. I wonder how long it will be before somebody does a NAMALT.

Right. How dare a mother admit she enjoyed a break and that she resents shouldering most of the responsibility.

Good post to consider OP. We're all picking up how you feel - so will she.

Why can’t you go back to 50/50?

I am a single parent working FT and have absolutely no help from the dad (he’s never even had her for one night) or any of his/my family.

The idea of having EOW like you do, sounds like an absolute dream and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous of your lifestyle.

But I still completely understand where you’re coming from.

The mum is seen as the default parent and is expected to bare the majority of the load, even though they are as responsible for the child as the dad is, yet the dad seems to get away with the bare minimum.

Honestly, some of these pious posts.....So it's unreasonable to be angry at a man who chooses to have a child but then opts out of being a father? Whilst actually standing up and doing the work of both parents yourself? Wow.

Yes, bringing children up is "work". We love them immensely and we're glad to do it but if we're doing it properly it can be exhausting. I also love my paid job, I go above and beyond and sometimes do unpaid hours but I still bloody love the weekend when I can switch off! OP doesn't "blame" her daughter at all, she blames her useless ex!

OP I think @Jumblebum is right and re-framing things may make you happier but YANBU to be angry.

You and him are in the same job making 6 figures you don't need his shitty money ! Fuck him on that point when your child is an adult you can make it clear he paid nothing

You need to get to the root of what's going on with your child that's the main issue here. Get to the root so parenting isn't so hard for you

Get into therapy for yourself your stressed, your angry etc but it's all towards a man you doesn't give a shit how you feel. Time to take control of your own emotions! He isn't making you feel like shit your allowing yourself to feel like shit.

Part of being separated generally means the burden falls to one of the parents or the way it works for most separated parents. Rightly or wrongly that's just the way it is. If your child friends want 50/50 and neither does your ex there's nothing you can do. Get a cleaner, downsize if you need to so you have less mortgage/rent and more money so you can work less. You get the jist

Being angry or bitter is doing your child a disservice. Move on you still have every other weekend off and a Wednesday that's more than anyone who is not a single parent as they never have any time to themselves and in some families the one parent does do the majority of the parenting while the other parent is working 12 hour days or works away so the grass is not always greener

I feel you OP. I have a partner and this year we can't all go away on holiday together so I am going with DF and DS.

My partner is staying at home to feed both households pets and possibly taking the week off to do some work around the house.

As sad as it is, I feel a bit jealous of my partner! He will have a week to himself of not worrying about anyone (except pets). He'll be able to wake up and go to sleep when he likes, have a lie in, not have to cook for anyone but himself, watch whatever he wants on tv, not have to worry about being woken up several times a night by DS and so on.

DS is beautiful but he is absolutely hard work when he wants to be and it is draining. Doesn't make you a bad parent to admit it and some people on this thread are trying to shame you when in reality I'm sure if they were honest they feel the same way sometimes.

My god! You really don't like your DD, do you?

I hear what you're saying OP, but I would have thought it gets easier as your DD gets older.

I'm not a single parent and my kids are older now, but parenting mostly fell on me. Once they were in secondary school it was much easier and tbh, apart from having to think of and cook what they'd eat, they were quite self sufficient.

I know some kids are more challenging though and no matter how easy a child is..it's great to have a break from them. Peace and tranquility is priceless.

Your DD is nearly a teenager, s she hasn't done 50/50 up to now , she's not going want it. Kids who were doing 50/50 want to reduce our d they get older, not the other way round.

Most teenagers are always in their rooms, and/ on their phones. Just make sure you're setting her up to be independent and do things for herself without heavily relying on you. That will reduce the feeling of it being so heavy on you.

12 years are capable of doing they're own laundry and preparing basic meals.

Try being a lone parent! Thats a single parent who doesn't get any days off because the other parent is either gone or dead. It's 24/7 365. Be glad you get some time off and that your DD gets to see her DF.

He’ll reap what he does when she is less and less interested in spending time with him.

When I split from my ex husband- he was the SAHF. My children were 3, 5 and 8. The children remained with me and I basically had to change job roles to move to a more 9-5 scenario. I was mighty relieved when we did alternate weekends and he had the children for two weeks on the summer holidays. It allowed me to have some sort of life and I would plan activities around my non children weekends.

If he works the same job as you then why can’t he manage his time with her the same as you. If you can manage it then so can he. What would you prefer he do time wise

Quite a collection of saintly mummies on this thread who never find parenting a chore, cherish every moment with their offspring, have offered unlimited calm support and nurturing without a day off since bringing them into the world!

Get over yourselves - the woman is venting. She is a lone parent carrying she majority of the parenting burden because the child’s father rejected 50/50 as too much for him, although their work commitments are the same. She doesn’t have that choice (because she’s a decent parent) and picked up the slack. She doesn’t deserve to be mauled for enjoying the novelty of a child free week and being aggrieved it’s not more frequent.

Strangely, if the OP had posted she was living with her partner, doing the same hours as him but he was only doing
three fourteenths of the childrearing I’m sure there would be a chorus of LTB!

Another pious superparent heard from.
Gotta laugh at the way some people get an ego boost by slamming other mothers for admitting to perfectly normal feelings. How insecure can you get.

IKR. This competitive parenting crap is so gauche.

Well I suppose at least you get EOW to yourself which most parents who are together wouldn't get.