AIBU to teach my toddler to hold my hand when we pass dogs on walks?

[tokajlover]

For context, we live next to a country park that is very popular with dog-walkers, and backs right up on to a residential area with lots of play-parks, so my DD (2) and I are always either in its direct vicinity or walking on the path itself, as it’s a nice walk close to home.

We have a dog ourselves, a small breed, and my daughter has never been that interested in them until recently, she will now point dogs out and act all excited if she sees them. I have begun teachign her that when we pass dogs, especially as many of them will be off lead and running,
to hold my hand calmly until we passed them. This is for a number of reasons; first and foremost, her safety, I don’t want her knocked over by dogs, ans while she has never done it before, if she decides to act unpredictably and try and touch them or similar, I don’t want to risk her being injured if the dog is not friendly or gets spooked. Secondly, I have been on the receiving end of children running up to my dog and while he is as harmless as they get, he suffers from anxiety, and kids screaming and running up to him used to scare him quite a lot, so I am just trying to be considerate of other dogs and their owners. And finally, I do this with horses too which are often ridden along the path too as I think it’s good to try and teach her to be sensible around animals.

I was quite surprised the other day when we passed 3 dog walkers, all of whom seemed quite offended/shocked by this. To be honest, one of the women asked if she was scared of dogs as she genuinely looked concerned she had let her Lab off the lead and it might scare her, and I think she was just concerned, which is really nice and considerate, but the other two interactions were definitely more along the lines of “my dog would never do anything bad, this is offensive”. One of the ladies directly asked why I had asked my daughter to hold my hand, and when I explained, she said “Oh, but he is so friendly,
normally all the children want to pet him”. I told her she liked dogs but I was trying to teach her to be respectful of them, and she just said “oh but surely she wouldn’t be worried about him, would she”, which was not really the point. Another woman walking two puppies visibly rolled her eyes which I found bizarre, and addressed my daughter directly saying “Oh you don’t have to do that darling, they are just puppies, they won’t hurt you”, referring to my daughter holding on to my hand when they came up to sniff her, which I found quite patronising.

It was especially this last interaction that made me wonder if I look a bit ridiculous and PFB about the whole thing, and if it’s a bit overkill, but I am only asking her to hold my hand while she’s little and unpredictable, it’s not like I am going to do this when she’s 10 and knows how to act responsibly, and also I can’t teach her the nuance of it’s ok for some dogs but not all. We do say hi and interact with dogs if owners strike up a conversation, normally if we have our own with us, and they confirm it’s ok to do so, but I thought the above was fine till these interactions?

So AIBU to ask my toddler to hold my hand when passing unknown dogs?

Of course you are doing the right thing. My two year has also recently started to take an interest in dogs and is unpredictable in the way toddlers can be and that can scare even placid dogs. I always try to enforce handholding and if not I shout “we don’t touch strange dogs” and I’ve not had a bad reaction yet.

YANBU. I pick my 2yo up when there are loose dogs around or when one bounds towards us.
"You don't have to do that, he wouldn't hurt anyone". Yeah, until he does.
The amount of dogs that have leapt up at me while I hold my daughter in the air is ridiculous. Training is nonexistent a lot of the time.
Good for the pet owners who train their dogs properly, but they are in the minority.

I think you’re being very sensible. As a dog owner, I don’t like it when people let their small kids approach my dog without asking if it’s okay. My dog is really good with kids, but they don’t know that (and I don’t know if their kids are good with dogs).

YANBU

It is basic manners that people keep to their own and ask for permission before approaching dogs. Small people aren't an exception. If only the dog owners were polite back and asked people before letting their dogs approach them.

"X is just being friendly" generally translates to "I am an asshole and can't be bothered to control my pet".

I know! Thought it was some big story but hold your kids hand for whatever reason . No need to get approval from anyone.

I do the exact same thing with my two year old.

He's two, he has no impulse control, I'm not going to risk letting him approach random dogs. I don't care even the tiniest bit if that upsets a passing dog owner.

Not a bad idea at all! Many dogs are indeed friendly, but you don’t know which, and it’s good manners on both sides for you to calmly pass and ignore the dog, and the dog to calmly pass and ignore you.

My dog was thumped on the head at the beach by a child with a stick (his dozy mother was drawing on the promenade with chalk, paying no attention to her child at all!), Ddog was a few metres from me just minding his own business looking in rockpools and didn’t notice the child approaching from behind, and I couldn’t get to them in time to intervene as I didn’t see the stick until it was connecting with my poor boy’s head! Fortunately, he only headbutted the child and knocked him over, but it could have been so much worse as he was startled and probably quite hurt from being whacked so no matter how much he’s been trained, he could easily have bitten.

Mum remained oblivious until I shouted over to her, which was quite frightening as absolutely anything could have happened to her child without her knowing about it.

No matter what a dog owner thinks of their own dog, you have absolutely no idea what that dog is really like. So it makes sense.
I get my kids to do the same. It puts them close to me and it stops them from doing anything that might freak the dog.

Often random dogs run up in parks off lead. The owners shout them, they don’t heel, and then the owners say “it’s ok they won’t bite”. Firstly- that dog is not controlled it should be on a lead, secondly it’s about more than biting.

There was someone at the local rides the other day with a dog which was barking really load and jumping up at kids. Owner had it near the exit so kids scared to get off ride. They said “it’s ok they won’t bite”. - you have no idea if that’s true. (I think the dog was probably super stressed because there was lots of screaming and loud noise).

But you just don’t know. There are some sensible dog owners and lots who are not. And it’s not worth the risk of finding out which is which.

Rubbish. Are you a dog yourself? I don't trust the bloody things since a Jack Russell bit my friend's boy on the ear. You can still see the scar. The owner actually said it was the kid's fault for 'moving quickly'. I'd put the toddler on the side of me away from the dog, hold its hand, ore even pick them up, and be ready to deliver a good hard kick (only) if it went for my kid.

Absolutely all this.

They always find a way to blame the person who has been bit. That’s why I make sure dog owners hold their dogs back from me as I don’t want to be injured by their dog and then blamed for it. But the funny thing is if you give them a wide berth some are offended by that too. Ridiculous.

I was coming out the lift to my flat a few months ago and this couple was standing with a large dog about to enter. I kind of hesitated and they to their credit backed off (it was on a leash) when they saw my face, and moved to the side when it became clear I wasn’t walking out until they give me a clear path.

But they did make me nervous initially when they said “it’s friendly” as I agree with a pp that’s a phrase often used by people unwilling to control their dog.

I had another resident let her dog run full pelt and jump on me and it ended up scratching me! But “it was friendly” 🤡

ETA: I was on a train a while back and there was a woman letting her Jack Russell roam on an extendable lead. It came into my seating area and at the same time my water bottle dropped on the floor. I grabbed it without thinking but had that dog lunged for the bottle and bit me I’m sure I’d have been blamed for making sudden movements even the dog shouldn’t even have been there to begin with . I ended up telling the woman to keep her dog out my seating area and when she ignored that I moved carriages.

Nasty dirty smelly things, if they even lick my kids I go ballistic. Ever heard of Toxocara Canis? You can get it from being licked.

Yeah that’s what some dog owners don’t get. Even if we do really believe their dog won’t bite or scratch some of us don’t even want to be sniffed or licked by a random dog that’s just been using that same nose to sniff dog poo at the local park.

So I need them to keep their dog close enough not to touch me.

Tbf I don’t want to be licked /kissed by a random person either. It’s bizarre how some people expect everyone to be ok with it when it comes to dogs.

You cannot. Don't be so ridiculous.

It might be rare, but there is a risk of transmitting roundworms (including toxocara) from dogs to humans by licking.

I had a toddler run across(a fortunately quiet) road to come and stroke my dog, waving a toy. My friendly lab didn’t take too kindly to this’s child waving a toy in his face and trying to touch him, and backed away. The parent ambled across the road and did nothing.

Fortunately, my dog is a wuss, and not reactive, and if scared, will back away. However, a lot of dogs will have growled in that situation, and then I would have been the one to blame.

Teaching your child dog manners is good.

( my dog was on a lead)

Are you performance parenting a bit when instructing your toddler to hold your hand when seeing a dog? Otherwise it seems very unusual all these dog owners are having conversations with you about it. It is not something I would notice.

You absolutely should keep your young child close to you if you are taking them places there are off lead dogs, or even unknown dogs on a lead that she might try to pat. The dogs ideally should be under control and nowhere near your dd, but we all know that isn't the reality.

It isn't the one who doesn't want to be licked by a dog who is being ridiculous. It's the one who doesn't control their dog to make sure it just never happens.

I didn't say not wanting to be licked by a dog was ridiculous, it isn't at all. I have dogs and I don't like it, certainly not from strangers dogs.

But to get toxocara canis from dog lick, you'd practically have to snog a dog who had just had a mouthful of shit from a dog who had worms, and that shit would have had to have sat on the ground for several days at exactly the right, constant humidity and temperature for the eggs to develop properly.

So whilst technically possible, the chances of it actually happening are so unlikely as to be... ridiculous.