AIBU to teach my toddler to hold my hand when we pass dogs on walks?

[tokajlover]

For context, we live next to a country park that is very popular with dog-walkers, and backs right up on to a residential area with lots of play-parks, so my DD (2) and I are always either in its direct vicinity or walking on the path itself, as it’s a nice walk close to home.

We have a dog ourselves, a small breed, and my daughter has never been that interested in them until recently, she will now point dogs out and act all excited if she sees them. I have begun teachign her that when we pass dogs, especially as many of them will be off lead and running,
to hold my hand calmly until we passed them. This is for a number of reasons; first and foremost, her safety, I don’t want her knocked over by dogs, ans while she has never done it before, if she decides to act unpredictably and try and touch them or similar, I don’t want to risk her being injured if the dog is not friendly or gets spooked. Secondly, I have been on the receiving end of children running up to my dog and while he is as harmless as they get, he suffers from anxiety, and kids screaming and running up to him used to scare him quite a lot, so I am just trying to be considerate of other dogs and their owners. And finally, I do this with horses too which are often ridden along the path too as I think it’s good to try and teach her to be sensible around animals.

I was quite surprised the other day when we passed 3 dog walkers, all of whom seemed quite offended/shocked by this. To be honest, one of the women asked if she was scared of dogs as she genuinely looked concerned she had let her Lab off the lead and it might scare her, and I think she was just concerned, which is really nice and considerate, but the other two interactions were definitely more along the lines of “my dog would never do anything bad, this is offensive”. One of the ladies directly asked why I had asked my daughter to hold my hand, and when I explained, she said “Oh, but he is so friendly,
normally all the children want to pet him”. I told her she liked dogs but I was trying to teach her to be respectful of them, and she just said “oh but surely she wouldn’t be worried about him, would she”, which was not really the point. Another woman walking two puppies visibly rolled her eyes which I found bizarre, and addressed my daughter directly saying “Oh you don’t have to do that darling, they are just puppies, they won’t hurt you”, referring to my daughter holding on to my hand when they came up to sniff her, which I found quite patronising.

It was especially this last interaction that made me wonder if I look a bit ridiculous and PFB about the whole thing, and if it’s a bit overkill, but I am only asking her to hold my hand while she’s little and unpredictable, it’s not like I am going to do this when she’s 10 and knows how to act responsibly, and also I can’t teach her the nuance of it’s ok for some dogs but not all. We do say hi and interact with dogs if owners strike up a conversation, normally if we have our own with us, and they confirm it’s ok to do so, but I thought the above was fine till these interactions?

So AIBU to ask my toddler to hold my hand when passing unknown dogs?

No, Its OTT, you.can teach her how to act and approach dogs properly and reinforce this when out walking without holding her hand every time.

YANBU. Your child’s safety is more important than some twat thinking their mutt is friendly.

I’d worry asking her to hold your hand is teaching her dogs are something to be scared of. (Yes, I understand some are, but most aren’t).

Surely just teaching her not to run up to dogs, and always ask before touching would do it? It did with mine but appreciate all kids are different. I didn’t say some dogs are aggressive, just that some dogs might have a poorly leg or something and might not want to be touched.

my DD at one point thought running up to dogs and shoving her fingers in their eyes was a good idea. Can’t think of many dogs that would have tolerated that…. We just taught her not to run up, and to only touch their backs IF the owner says it’s ok. Both kids (now teens) still remember to ask now.

No you're not being unreasonable. As you have said toddlers are unpredictable and you don't know what dog might be spooked by strange child invading their space. Getting her to hold your hand is a totally reasonable and responsible thing to do, ot's not a judgement on other people's dogs. I did the same with DD until she was old enough to be taught to only approach and pet if the owners said it was OK.

You are teaching her sensible dog manners especially that you are respectful of all dogs regardless of size or appearance.

That we don't touch without asking.

I wish more parents taught their DC how to behave properly round dogs tbh! So no, YANBU.

I can see why it might look that way tbh, but even if it is, I don’t get why anyone would care enough to be personally offended. I mostly ask her to hold my hand as if she’s running ahead and there’s a dog off the lead, it could knock her over quite easily, and because at this age she can still be a bit unpredictable. But I admit it might look a bit over cautious. We do hold hands on walks anyway sometimes just because she wants me to

Christ that was a hell of a lot of typing for such a simple question 🤣

YANBU to ask your toddler to hold your hand for any reason but surely you must know that?

Seems sensible to me.

YANBU

People are just bloody stupid

Shows caring for the other dogs and their owners I think.

I think the hand holding is OTT and a bit pointless because you'll just need to teach her something else down the line.

Teach her not to approach unknown dogs and to always ask permission before touching them, this is a more long term plan.

I think the hand holding will possibly introduce the idea that dogs are scary/something to be worried about.

I think you are OK. You have a hold of her. Toddlers are a law unto themselves, you can no more predict what they might do, as you can predict what the dog might do. As she gets older you can evolve.

I don’t get why anyone would care enough to be personally offended.

I don't get why you care enough about a dog walker's silliness to be offended?

You're massively overthinking this. She's your child, hold her hand if you want to.

I do. I've encouraged my dc to be cautious of dogs she doesn't know. She enjoys petting one of my ILs dogs so I haven't given her a phobia of dogs (although I don't particularly like dogs).

Every dog has an owner and imo children shouldn't be encouraged to approach strangers, even if just to pet their dog.

If you ask her to hold your hand quietly, then fine but if you do it in a loud voice so that others will hear in a performative way, I can see why there would be eye rolling.

It’s fine, and it’s irrelevant whether that owners dog is friendly, not all all and it’s sentient teach kids not to approach dogs they don’t know.

My dog is a bit jumpy with people he doesn’t know and the number of kids I’ve had kinda dive at him whilst asking ‘can I stroke your dog’ but not giving me long enough to reply is shocking.

I’m always quick to keep hold of him but the annoying thing is if he jumped and knocked these kids over the parents would think if was my fault.

I think you are being very sensible.

We have two large dogs and it's shocking how often parents let their children run up to them waving their arms around to 'pet' them. At the last minute they might say, 'can I pet your dog?'

My DH has taken to saying, 'sorry, they are not friendly,' (even though they are). His thinking is that it might help the kids in the future to realise that not all dogs have been well trained. If the kids are sensible and ask from a distance then of course we are happy to stop and chat to them.

And don't even get me started on the number of daft parents who let their kids run up behind our dogs in the subway. I understand that kids love stomping in a subway because the echoes sound great, but I've seen a lot of dodgy people in that subway with bully-type dogs that aren't on leads. Dogs feel threatened when someone runs up behind them and a dog that hasn't been trained is therefore much more likely to snap. It's often dads who are busy with their phones rather than watching their kids.

Two little girls asked me, very politely, if they could stroke my dog. Clearly someone had taught them well. Sadly, grandma shouted at them to come away, saying loudly “it will bite you”.

Yes definitely teach children how to behave around dogs.

I think some of the comments are abit harsh and missing the point…op said her dd is a toddler….holding her hand is probably the best thing to do, it’s like when you cross the road with a small child - you hold their hand whilst teaching them to stop and look both ways, green man etc.

I think you are being sensible op and I do the same with my young kids. My dd is 4 and she is very respectful of dogs, she would never go up to one and start stroking it, she gives them space. She likes dogs but doesn’t like them coming up to her sniffing etc.

Given she is 2 years old I think holding hands walking past dogs is fine. There is only so much verbal instructions that can be understood at that age. If 3/4/5 years old then taking steps towards learning how to approach/to not touch without asking etc is more appropriate, but she's only young and will have poor impulse control so it seems safe/good to me!

YANBU, I have a friendly medium/large dog but would not be offended by this, passers-by don't know that he's friendly so perfectly reasonable to be a bit cautious.
Children can normally get to know dogs owned by friends/families/neighbours if they don't have a dog so children don't need to be friendly to strangers dogs really, people are weird sometimes though 🙄

What do you think holding your hand is actually going to do?

Yeah I was thinking the same. I don't know if I'd even register a parent and toddler starting to hold hands in my vicinity, let alone assume it was something to do with me.

Perhaps these dog owners are particularly sensitive to perceived slights against their animals, or believe their dogs are so exceptionally adorable that it bestows on them a solemn duty to educate those poor unfortunates who need to learn to love dogs. But on the off-chance the OP is honking across the park like "NOW AMELIA WHAT DO WE DO WHEN WE SEE A STRANGE DOGGY? THAT'S RIGHT, WE HOLD HANDS, DON'T WE? COME ON SWEETHEART, HOLD MUMMY'S HAND UNTIL MUMMY SAYS IT'S ALRIGHT TO LET GO" then I could see why there might be the odd raised eyebrow.

I think you are doing the right thing!

I always taught mine to ask before stroking a dog and some owners thought that was weird.

DD was scared of dogs for a while after a puppy jumped up and scratched her face when she was about 5. The owner had no control whatsoever and just said he's being friendly as DD cried and bled. I was furious.

People are often a bit weird about their dogs.