AIBU to teach my toddler to hold my hand when we pass dogs on walks?

[tokajlover]

For context, we live next to a country park that is very popular with dog-walkers, and backs right up on to a residential area with lots of play-parks, so my DD (2) and I are always either in its direct vicinity or walking on the path itself, as it’s a nice walk close to home.

We have a dog ourselves, a small breed, and my daughter has never been that interested in them until recently, she will now point dogs out and act all excited if she sees them. I have begun teachign her that when we pass dogs, especially as many of them will be off lead and running,
to hold my hand calmly until we passed them. This is for a number of reasons; first and foremost, her safety, I don’t want her knocked over by dogs, ans while she has never done it before, if she decides to act unpredictably and try and touch them or similar, I don’t want to risk her being injured if the dog is not friendly or gets spooked. Secondly, I have been on the receiving end of children running up to my dog and while he is as harmless as they get, he suffers from anxiety, and kids screaming and running up to him used to scare him quite a lot, so I am just trying to be considerate of other dogs and their owners. And finally, I do this with horses too which are often ridden along the path too as I think it’s good to try and teach her to be sensible around animals.

I was quite surprised the other day when we passed 3 dog walkers, all of whom seemed quite offended/shocked by this. To be honest, one of the women asked if she was scared of dogs as she genuinely looked concerned she had let her Lab off the lead and it might scare her, and I think she was just concerned, which is really nice and considerate, but the other two interactions were definitely more along the lines of “my dog would never do anything bad, this is offensive”. One of the ladies directly asked why I had asked my daughter to hold my hand, and when I explained, she said “Oh, but he is so friendly,
normally all the children want to pet him”. I told her she liked dogs but I was trying to teach her to be respectful of them, and she just said “oh but surely she wouldn’t be worried about him, would she”, which was not really the point. Another woman walking two puppies visibly rolled her eyes which I found bizarre, and addressed my daughter directly saying “Oh you don’t have to do that darling, they are just puppies, they won’t hurt you”, referring to my daughter holding on to my hand when they came up to sniff her, which I found quite patronising.

It was especially this last interaction that made me wonder if I look a bit ridiculous and PFB about the whole thing, and if it’s a bit overkill, but I am only asking her to hold my hand while she’s little and unpredictable, it’s not like I am going to do this when she’s 10 and knows how to act responsibly, and also I can’t teach her the nuance of it’s ok for some dogs but not all. We do say hi and interact with dogs if owners strike up a conversation, normally if we have our own with us, and they confirm it’s ok to do so, but I thought the above was fine till these interactions?

So AIBU to ask my toddler to hold my hand when passing unknown dogs?

I’ve had an idiot dog owner allow his large dog to run right over my 9 month old baby on a long lead (what’s the point of them if they are not used to limit where the dog can go?) and I’ve also had a young woman with her very large dog get cross when we made protective moves with our toddler as we had no idea how safe or not her dog was as he galloped full pelt at her across an empty beach. Why do these dog owners have no concept that we can’t tell if their darling pooch is going to maul our child or not?

Many dog owners are very considerate. Some are not. You are not being unreasonable op.

They sound like dumb dog owners thinking the world resolves around them and their dog. You sound very sensible op. You can’t reason with stupid so just ignore and carry on.

I didn't do holding hands, but I did start instilling in DC twins as soon as they could walk to not approach unfamiliar dogs and to ask the owner if they could stroke their dog etc.
Of course, it took a while for this to become habitual and I still have to remind them occasionally not to dart towards a dog. But, generally they're pretty good.
I've had the odd grumble from dog walkers when I've reminded the twins to be calm/ask before approaching, in the vein of "He/she's fine/loves kids", but my goofy smile and "Yes, I'm sure. Just modelling respect towards dogs" etc.
There are some dickhead dog walkers round my way, but most are lovely.

With my work hat on (dog behaviour/training)...

I wish more people did this.

Teaching her to hold your hand means you're in much greater control of the situation, you can stop her running (to or away) you can have much more control over where her hands go.

As long as you're not adding dramatics (squealing 'oh no quick a big nasty doggy' etc and creating anxiety/stress), this is absolutely fine.

Kids can cause/exacerbate problems by running about, grabbing dogs, so teaching them to come to you/stand still/keep walking calmly and to generally ignore other dogs is a really good thing.

Something that some parents can miss - kids who have their own dog can very easily assume ALL dogs are like THEIR dog and thus its ok to hug, grab, squeeze... do things that their own dog likes/tolerates at home. This has landed many a child and dog into trouble!

If other dog owners are butthurt that your kid doesn't hurtle up to their dog or want their dog to come over.. tough shit, your kid and your dog are your priority.. not their feelings!

Just want to say thank you. You are responsible. We make our dog pull to the side and wait when people are walking towards us as very occasionally she can be randomly reactive. Because she is beautiful (really is - not rose tinted at all, she is stunning) and because she is big and fluffy people think they have the right to stare and also try to stroke her and she doesn't like that so we teach her to wait so we can be in control.

It's sensible to keep your own (very young) child closely supervised around unknown dogs, because too many dog owners CBA to supervise their dog and use "he's friendly" as a euphimism for "he's a uncontrolled public nuisence and I don't care that my furbaby just ruined your child's day/ relationship with dogs" and the most entitled among them will then blame the child for the distress that their dog caused.

We train young children to hold hands and be cautious around roads and as they grow up and gain more awareness, they learn the independence to handle roads safely themselves. It's unmanaged, out of control experiences that usually trigger fear.

This was my thinking.
YANBU for asking your toddler to hold hands

If you are doing it in such an obvious way that dog owners are picking up on it, YABU (a little bit).

What @BogRollBOGOF said.

Did the woman with the puppies ask you before they came up to sniff your DD? Because if not she was the one in wrong. My DDs both loved dogs from the buggy but multiple unwanted encounters with "just being friendly" dogs mean they're now terrified. Sigh.

I’ve done this with DD since she was a toddler. She could not differentiate between nice dogs and the aggressive bullys etc in the park so thought it was a good idea. Also no dog likes a finger in the eye and you just never know with 2 year olds!

A close friend of mine was bitten in the face when she was a toddler in a park and still has the scars. Maybe thats why I’m more careful than most.

I would shield your toddler when passing a dog, I always changed places if the child was about to pass a dog.

Stops the toddler from running toward the dog, stops them acting randomly and without thinking if near the dog, helps to reduce the risk of startling the dog, etc.

Also means child is close to an adult incase the dog is jumpy or worse. Means op can position herself between toddler and the dog if need be.

Can you really not see how it can reduce risks in both sides?

I don’t know teaching her to hold your hand is helpful because you’re not actually teaching her how to behave around dogs you’re taking her out of the situation.

Teach her to ask owners if they’re friendly, how to pet safely, what not to do, what to do if there’s a dog without an owner, what to do if there’s a big dog that might knock her over (although it doesnt need to be a big dog to knock her over)

I think this^ post nailed it.

Definitely over the top.

My daughter has a dog allergy, so we always ask her to stay close to us, hold our hands when dogs are walking past. Once a dog came up to her and licked her and her face became very swollen and her eye closed over. Took a few days & lots of antihistamines for the swelling to go down. So many owners comment, saying oh my dog is super friendly, wouldn't hurt a fly, might lick you to death! etc 🙈 & we've to explain that yes, the licking is a problem. She's obviously nervous around dogs now too so it's stressful when dogs are off their leads especially in places where they aren't supposed to be.

My dog is friendly, he loves children but I'd much rather people did with their toddlers what you are doing. A few months ago some silly woman was out with two toddler girls and let them come running up to my dog and start sticking their hands right in his face. He didn't react, but I was hugely unimpressed. They wouldn't leave him alone, even after I told them. I had to wait until she finally caught up with them before I could get past. He's a big dog too, bigger than they were.

We used to do this, particularly with DD2. The rule was that if they held hands and were calm then we would ask the owner if we could pet the dog. We did get a few odd looks but they tended to go away when we said that she got very excited around dogs and were trying to teach her how to behave around them, and to only pet dogs who wanted it. Which means respecting any noes, either from the dog or the owner. Ended up having lots of lovely conversations and spending time with dogs and their owners.

You are being perfectly reasonable.
Our little dog was nervous so trained to come and stand up against me when children approached, on two legs. I’d put her lead on and stroke her head until they’d passed.

It was annoying when children still approached and tried to touch her.

Of course you can ask your toddler to hold your hand if you think you’re approaching any potentially tricky situation. You don’t need permission - your call. It’s nobody else’s business.

YANBU. An awful lot of dog owners are completely blind to the idea that some people might not like their dog running up to them, jumping up, licking etc., and badly trained dogs are a potential risk however friendly their owner thinks they are. I’ve always taught my dc how to behave around dogs including what to do if one jumps up or attacks. It’s the same as teaching road safety imo. My 10 yo still knows to come close to me if an unknown dog approaches him.

YANBU. An awful lot of dog owners are completely blind to the idea that some people might not like their dog running up to them, jumping up, licking etc., and badly trained dogs are a potential risk however friendly their owner thinks they are. I’ve always taught my dc how to behave around dogs including what to do if one jumps up or attacks. It’s the same as teaching road safety imo. My 10 yo still knows to come close to me if an unknown dog approaches him.

I have a red poodle who unfortunately for us looks a lot like Waffle the Wonder Dog… he’s now petrified of children due to so many kids running at him screaming Waffle. Sadly some parents even encourage it and send them running over to hug him… I’ve even had people trying to pick him up.

So no, YANBU, in my opinion and based on my experiences. I wish more parents did this. I do appreciate the comments about not making your child scared of dogs, so maybe reinforce that sometimes pups are actually scared of small people…

Yes @Tgjjl nailed it. People really are daft.

You can’t guarantee your toddler won’t suddenly go in their dogs way and startle their dog into jumping or biting them. And for the people saying to teach her how to /how not to approach the dog - she’s only 2 years old! You don’t just “tell” a small child how to cross the road then leave them to it without holding their hand 😵‍💫 it makes complete sense to hold their hand in any type of riskier than normal situation.

If Op were to switch sides or hold her daughter up high I’m sure that would attract comments from entitled dog owners too. She needs to do what she feels is best to protect her child in the moment.

They had no right to tell your kid the dog wouldn’t bite because they don’t know that! Many people post here about family dogs randomly biting them or their kids especially puppies ! Thousands of people attend hospital every year in the UK due to dog bites!

I have 2 dogs who are harmless and affectionate, however, the younger and larger of the 2 still gets a bit too excited. The worst my dog will do is jump up on them (we are working on this and he hardly does it now) but I'm so scared he'll knock a child over! And it is scary for the child, I'd rather they were holding an adults hand so they were kept upright and the adults can gently but firmly push my dog away.

We all need to work together so that children know how to behave around dogs and our dogs know how to behave around children. I've noticed that a lot more children now ask before they stroke my dogs, which I think is brilliant. It gives me a chance to warn them he might jump up and also gives me the chance to say no when we are practicing not saying hello to everyone.

YANBU. My dog doesn't see many toddlers and he's a bit nervous around them. You are right to keep your child out of range of an unknown dog.