Buying house with DP… not sure what to do.

[cocunut]

Hi MN. I’ve been with my DP for a few years now and we are looking for somewhere to buy. We live in London/south east so expensive!
The problem is we are at loggerheads over what we are looking for. 300k max budget. I really don’t want to buy a flat - service charges, leasehold, not having your own garden or front door. But his income is much greater than mine (I'm a new graduate looking for an entry level job, he has an established career albeit self-employed).
He wants a flat purely due to cost. I feel like I have no say in this although I will be contributing to bills and some of the mortgage (with my contribution in proportion to his wages) once I’ve got a job. We’re looking for next year anyway but I don’t see myself on more than 20-25k by then. We are not married yet.
Im just not sure what to do! Does he have the overarching say in this? I want a forever home, don’t want to buy a flat to have to sell it in a few years when we have kids and I really want a garden. I just feel like I don’t have a leg to stand on as his income is the highest!!

Can anyone offer sensible advice on what property might suit us?

Totally get where you’re coming from and a flat would be my absolute last choice. So many variables out of your control, leasehold, service charges, cladding, upkeep of communal areas etc and not even a little bit of a yard to call your own. The choice may be made for you by costs and location but not at all unreasonable to want to push for a house if you can get him on board. Good luck!

You haven’t even gotten your first post education job yet and you are want to buy a home.

get a job, get yourself established firmly as an adult. Then think about getting married and buying a place together.

spend some time dealing with real world budgeting before you over-extend yourself on a mortgage.

Well yes… back in the 70s when you could purchase a flat with 50k and a 1% mortgage… Times have changed
Stop being naive. If anything that scenario was a reason for people to buy a forever home at 20. It isn’t like that now and you need to buy something affordable, and recognise no that won’t be like your parents place.

You will struggle to get a decent 2 bed house in these areas for £350,000. With your budget a flat is the realistic option based on your price range

Op you sound very young and not very knowledgeable about the real world and living like a normal people. So you want to go from home stratify to buying a house with someone when you have zero idea of what it actually entails and have unrealistic expectations.

Another one saying to carry on renting. It’s very often cheaper overall. Yes rents are very high but so is buying now. Renting together gives you time to save together, explore areas, make decisions. You don’t even know where you will be working!

If he’s on great money now how is he not saving at all? Maybe he doesn’t want to be broke in whatever maisonette you can afford.

This is a terribly restrictive and complicated scheme.

They are extremely unlikely to qualify - the council has the ability to prioritise applicants and very few units are allocated to the scheme.

That aside you also can’t sell on the open market. You have to sell to another person on this scheme after approval from the council. Not having autonomy on the sale of your property is something most people wouldn’t touch with a barge pole.

What a joker you are OP.

You don't even have a job, if/when you do you'll only earn 20-25k. And you're too good to live in a flat? Hilarious.

If you want a forever home you are going to have to go for a long commute. That might be possible, we did it for years, although ours was just the only thing we could afford to buy at the time and that was the 70s. We couldn't afford anything anywhere near London, bought a terraced house 30 miles away and commuted daily. On our third house now which is the forever home.

You need to be more realistic, people don’t typically buy their ‘forever home’ straight out of uni. You get on the property ladder, you work your way up, it’s not realistic to think you can afford a big house and you don’t actually have the deposit for it anyway.

I wouldn’t even consider jumping into buying any property with a partner you’ve never lived with, it’s a terrible idea.

Living with someone is completely different to staying over at his a few nights a week, I’d look at renting together for 6 months minimum before you start thinking seriously about buying.

You need to think seriously about how the financial set up will work and have very honest conversations. If you’ve put in more to the deposit but he earns more then how are you both protected financially if he ends up paying more of the household costs?

What would happen if you split up? How will you divide household bills if your earnings are uneven? If you’re thinking of kids in the future how will your finances look then? Will you get married before kids?

That’s just a few things you need to be on the same page about, it’s not just about whether you’d like a big garden :)

If you bought a flat, even if it didn't increase in price in a couple years when you're looking for something bigger you'll still have built up equity and have a bigger deposit. If you go for a cheaper place instead of maxing out your ability to borrow you could then pay extra into it and build up equity faster, because less would be going on interest payments.

So you don’t even have a job yet, when you do you’ll earn 25k, you and your partner have never lived together and you want to buy your forever home?

I’m sorry this all sounds like madness and your expectations are totally unreasonable. Spend a couple of years living in grotty flatshares like most people your age and you’ll probably be much more open minded about the flats your partner is interested in.

Have you even lived with him yet? You say you visit his place and then 'go home again'?

You sound like you need some life experience first.

You will be providing most of the deposit - you sound very naïve so make sure it is ringfenced so he doesn't waltz off with half of it if you split up. He can't buy without your share of the deposit either as despite his higher income he doesn't seem to be able to save. You say that if he rented any longer you wouldn't be able to afford to buy - does that mean he is eating through his savings to make day to day living expenses. Something sounds very off here. I wouldn't carry on with this relationship till I got to the bottom of his inability to save.

At your age, I can't understand why you want to rush off and buy a house with somebody when your present living circumstances at home sound idyllic. And certainly at your age you shouldn't be thinking of forever homes. You should be thinking of getting a job and travelling and late brunches and all sort of things that don't come with trying to buy something you don't really want with your money and 5% equity. This may be an old-fashioned view but I think if you are not prepared to marry somebody, then you probably shouldn't make the biggest investment of your life in buying a house with him. In my view adulting does not mean living in less than ideal conditions with an unmarried partner when you have committed your capital and have a low level of income. It sounds really grim for somebody barely in their twenties.

OP is MUCH too young to get married!

OP, you need to rent with this guy first and see if you can live together.

Don't give him your 30k as a deposit without doing this, are you MAD?

I absolutely agree with this.

Rent together for a year or so.

Get married/ensure you are legally protected with any financial arrangements.

Then buy a house together.

There's no rush.

OP is crazy but she's not too young to get married. That's ridiculous.

Hi OP!

Just going to hop on and say a flat is a very reasonable first purchase. Many people can only afford/want flats for their first home, so there will always be a demand for flats. If you buy a flat that needs a bit of work, you can make a bit of profit if you put some money into it to make it a bit nicer.

My husband and I are in a flat now which we purchased for £380k. We've put £10k worth of improvements into it and our most recent valuation was £475k (we live in a very high demand area). We've only been there for a year, and we're hoping to sell after my maternity leave ends in 2026, and that'll give us a much bigger deposit towards a family home outside of London. We'd never be able to buy a family home outside London if we hadn't done this.

Our flat is also a share of the freehold so we pay no leasehold costs. Our service charge is £180pm and this includes water bills, cleaners, gardeners, agent fees, electricity for communal areas, and money towards a savings pot for bigger renovations (we recently had our block's roof replaced).

We're also the only flat that has direct access to the communal garden, so we're pretty much the only ones who use it!

Previously, we were paying £1600 in rent for a 1 bed flat in the same area. Now we own a 2 bed flat and our mortgage is £1,200. Plus service charge coss us £1380. Which allows us to save compared to renting.

It's about looking at the rental market and seeing what's available, and comparing it with how much you'd pay in mortgage - is it worth it?

@Singersong

She's clearly early 20's!

If most of the deposit is yours then how does his income make him the decider?

Are you planning on paying half the mortgage?

You do need to lower your expectations. Your house isn't going to be as nice as your parents, that's not the world we live in now. But I do think outdoor space is important if you can afford it but you need to stop the talks of stretching your budget. 300k is comfortably affordable? That's your budget. You've had financial comfort for a long time living with your parents, you don't have that in the real world, you have the amount of money you earn and no more and it disappears quickly when you have your own house.

He doesn't feel comfortable stetching beyond his means, end of conversation, it is not something you push.

Surely if you move in together then he can save money himself? As you'd be paying some of his rent?

We are still in my London starter flat -2 bed. After 25 years! Around my way I can but a 2 bed flat for £350k or a ton of very modern new build flats 10 mins walk away for £750! It's madness. So maybe new builds don't make money but other flats are good value.

We are a block of 28 flats (only 3 stories high) and we all own share of the freehold so we appoint someone to do the day to day management and I am a director of the freehold company so authorise charges-currently it's £1,000 per year per flat. Which covers maintaining stuff, gardening, insurance etc. so costs I'd incur anyway in a house.
Obviously that cost is much higher in fancy new build with porter /lifts/ car club.

Honestly, I don't thinknyoure ready to take on this commitment.

You talk about stretching to £350k as if it's nothing, even though you'll be contributing very little. Where's he supposed to magic that up from?

You can't buy a forever home when you don't even have a job.

OP you sound wildly naive. First you need to see a mortgage advisor to work out what’s realistic. Very few people buy a “forever” (stupid concept) home first time. You buy what is affordable now, pay the mortgage, and then when you sell you will then have a bigger deposit for a bigger place. Flats are fine, leasehold isn’t all bad, we had a council leasehold in London and no issues. Your partner is being very sensible.

And oh my god please live / rent together first. Utterly stupid to just buy Sri where together. And protect your deposit if it’s the majority. And maybe you need a reality check on what it costs to not live with your parents? I think you’ll be shocked.

Not sure about the 70s but interest rates in the mid 80s when I bought my first home were certainly NOT 1%😰