My mum decided last year that well alternative between my DB house (enjoys hosting!) and ours each year as we’ve got the biggest houses. She’s got very 1970’s views when it comes to hosting, she was absolutely disgusted when I put a jar of cranberry sauce on the table on a random Sunday, and since offered me Grandma’s hostess trolley and crystal for when I host. Last year when we stayed at DB house for Xmas she almost seemed excited that our airbed was flat as ‘that’s what Xmas is all about’.
DH is extremely laid back, and usually half glass full, but after leaving DB house he said ‘never again’. He grew up in a similar family, all about forced fun, the atmosphere feels like a pressure cooker as an argument could happen at any moment, cannot spend a second away from the main group. DB house was exhausting, up at the crack of dawn, dogs begging at the table, every second scheduled for ‘fun’, snide remarks, eating prawn cocktails to be polite, sleeping on the floor, barely got to spend any time together (DH got sent to the pub with the ‘boys’ when he was more than happy watching a film with us), DH said he didn’t get a proper hold of DD the whole time etc. I suggested secret Santa which was completely poo pooed as ‘stocking fillers is what it’s all about’ (we’re both minimalists, hate tat and cost a fortune!)
Other sibling is spending Xmas with their other side of the family this year and we’ve been asked what our plans are.
I answered with ‘we’ll be staying at home this year, anyone is welcome to visit us but we’re not doing a traditional Xmas. We don’t like turkey, and I don’t want to be stressing all morning about dinner so it will probably be a chicken roast at whatever time it’s ready. Anyone is welcome to visit but won’t be offended if it’s not everyone’s cup of tea/get a better offer’. In an ideal world visitors won’t stay more than a couple of hours/really don’t want people overnight.
Honestly the idea of preparing a buffet each evening instead of just grabbing food we want directly from the fridge makes me fill of dread. Not able to actually enjoy time with DH & DD because mum thinks we should watch a black and white movie again/we’re too busy hosting… or, being anxious that mum is going to drink too much and get emotional/argumentative. And that’s not even considering the lead up of trying to schedule visit to both sides to make sure neither side feels the other is getting more attention.
Or maybe, it’s three days out of the year. It’s meant to be stressful/chaotic/exhausting.