DH signing up to flu camp

[Plantdaisy]

DH has signed up for flu camp without even talking to me about it. I found out because they called his phone earlier.

I know the screening is intense so tbh I doubt he will be accepted but I feel really upset with him and I don't know if I am being unreasonable.

For context, he is a high earner so we do not need the money
I am disabled and chronically ill after the pandemic and so our children are very dependent on him being able to pick up the slack if I am unwell. We are also dependent on him being able to work. I would not be able to make the payments for anything if he became long term sick himself. To me this is not a time we can be deliberately risking his health. Even the inconvenience of it all aside I am worried something bad would happen to him because I love him.

With my disability and ill health I will struggle being left to it while he would go away for 2 weeks faffing around doing a medical trial.
He is asthmatic with bad lungs (which is why I don't think he'll be accepted anyway I guess)

He has a habit of being very dismissive about his health, not following doctors advice (or even going to the Dr at times, taking his foot out of a cast and walking around here there and everywhere on a broken ankle risking causing more damage as an example) . He also often puts money and earning more money over everything else which does have a negative impact on and has strained our relationship at times even though he refuses to see that it does because of his terrible work life balance and because he has made decisions that have negatively impacted me that I have asked him not to make but he has becuase of the money so I am worried I am being unreasonable on the basis of historical resentments about these two issues.

In my opinion, flu camp is serious, and this is a rediculous time to take a risk deliberately injecting yourself with something that can make you long term sick.we have children. It's his body but this could significantly impact my life and most importantly the children's lives if it goes wrong and he developed post viral fatigue etc. Real flu is very serious. I feel like he has selfishly sent off an application without even talking to me about it because he is putting the money first. I think he is being silly to not consider flu that serious and is being arrogant when he says nothing bad would happen.

In his opinion I am being controlling having an objection to it. It's not up to me. That it's just flu and he'd just be sat in hospital working like he is now but getting paid an extra 4k. That nothing bad would happen. He thinks he could catch flu anytime so it's not a big deal.

I mentioned the 2006 study where people almost died and he scoffed.

He's now tense with me for trying to control what he does and I've had to walk away because I feel really angry (probably because of these built up resentments over health and attitude about money) that I am afraid that we will have a fight about it.

So am I unreasonable to be upset with him about this?

And if I am not unreasonable what do I do? Do I leave him to it assuming he won't get accepted anyway because otherwise we will have an argument and everyone will be upset?

He will be monitored in the hospital and certainly wouldn’t be left to go home with an active flu virus risking others could catch it. This would be non ethical and would not be allowed.

Some people consider these sorts of trials very low risk (which statistically they are) and thus acceptable, some people perceive the risk unacceptable because of the what if something did go wrong.

The poor communication would bother me the most.

Why don’t you read their FAQs and all the many articles in the press about it to put your mind to rest? Or call their helpline to ask questions?

flucamp.com

I think that deliberately going to infect yourself while planning to work remotely would be a breach of his employment contract. Also, I imagine that there are lots of tests and things you need to make yourself available for during the working day even if they give you the placebo.

Calling it “flu camp” seems a bit irresponsible of the organisers too.

I have experience of flu camp, admittedly from some years ago.

• Yes, the inclusion criteria is very strict- for safety. They did run asthma trials and they also had to get reports from people's GP's- which often excluded people who had lied or 'forgotten' about their medical history
• Clinical trials are stringently regulated. The TGN1412 trial, also called the elephant man trial, was a phase 1 trial. This was the 1st time the drug has been used in humans. Flu camp were running phase 2 trials, so any drugs used (again years ago) had already been used on humans, but was still at trial stage
• The flu/cold virus used to inoculate people (a few drops up their nose) was a known viral strain and the concentration was strictly controlled. This was often just enough to show symptoms- not to make someone as sick as if they had caught a wild, unknown influenza virus in the community.
• Do you know if he is trying to get into a trial that actually uses any trial drug? Not all did.
• Are you currently trying for more children? There are strict rules about contraception use!

He he signed up at multiple clinical trial places other than flu camp? I'd be asking why? Is it escape? Is it money?

There isn't just the 2 weeks as an in-patient at flu camp. There were several checks before being accepted, plus depending on the trial, several check-up visits afterwards too.

I think the poor communication is the main reason I got so upset.

Because considering our circumstances surely signing up for something like this is a potential big deal and even if he's fine and he's just going into hospital for 2 weeks, that's still a big deal considering if have to do everything alone for 2 weeks which with my illness is a lot and require thinking about and planning so surely that requires a discussion and a conversation. Not just signing up to something. If I wasn't in when the phone rang I still wouldn't know about it.

Not trying to convince. He's had the snip.

I think he's only signed up to this one particular flu camp although I mean I didn't know about this one so he could have signed up to others I have no idea.

I already did that before I made the post.

It didn't massively reassure me because post viral fatigue is a risk after getting flu and is essentially what made me chronically ill (but from covid) so this still feels like an unnecessary risk considering we already have one parent with long term chronic illness that impacts how many hours they can work and how much they can keep on top of everything.

As I've said, if our circumstances were different I wouldn't be as concerned but unfortunately they are not different. Deliberately making himself sick and hoping he doesn't end up with any long term impacts, just doesn't seem like an acceptable risk to me in our current situation.

Thanks. Yes I think this is what I am going to do as he might not get accepted anyway.

I thought this was gonna be a dressing gown of doom thread

Flu camp?!

OP- You sound very reliant on your DH, I assume for physical support due to your disability/chronic illness. Do you have other support from say family/carers if your DH became ill? I don't mean him going off to a clinical trial, but you said he has asthma and' bad lungs' , so if he contracted covid/pneumonia or any other illness- what do you do? Other than a lack of communication, I feel your concern is more a lack of you having help/support.

Two weeks solo parenting, solo dog walking, solo doing everything would definitely cause me to crash and relapse fatigue wise. I would likely have a very stressful 2 weeks and then have to heavily rest afterwards. Possibly even end up back stuck in bed for a while 😕

Which I mean if he had to go away for work, or if he said to me he was struggling mentally with the workload and desperately needed a break, then ok it's not ideal but I guess we'd have to work something out, but to do that to make himself sick and take a risk that he could end up with post viral fatigue himself just seems so crazy to me.

This sounds totally bonkers. Flu is a serious illness, why does he think flu jabs exist?
He really shouldn't be doing this.

Could he have a (misplaced??) noble motive? In that he worries about you and would like for you to have access to better vaccines??

I don't have any support no. I have a friend who would be able to help a little. That's it. I have no family around here. If he gets sick which obviously he does sometimes then I just battle through and get on with it but that always causes me a relapse in health systems and I crash and burn out.

I did suggest moving back to where family is when I got sick but he absolutely refuses to. He won't even move closer to the town so I don't have to walk as far to basic essentials like the supermarket. I am very dependent on him which he hates but also he won't do any of my suggestions to help me gain more independence back now I am ill. It's a bit frustrating.

So yes I am also concerned about the lack of help and support. If he gets sick and is stuck in bed I have to battle through but I can't do that long term or even too long short term. It's a massive struggle. After a few days things start to slide and I start feeling more and more unwell. I could maybe manage the 2 weeks for this but it would put my health back loads, and if he became sick chronically we would have a very serious problem on our hands as the small amount of work I'm now managing to do won't pay for everything and I physically can not care for everyone with our his significant help for longer then a short period of time.

Obviously I would massively prefer it wasn't this way as I hate being this dependent

I mean YANBU to think this is a ridiculous idea OP but your husband doesn't appear to be thinking straight.
He's the main earner and does a significant share of the load at home. That can't be easy. of course you don't have it easy too, being chronically ill but neither of you are on the same page.
Also... why are you walking to the supermarket? Why can't you get things delivered, or a family weekly shop?

There are minimum delivery fees for delivery.

He does do a family shop.
But in the example that he is sick I would obviously do a supermarket delivery but if we run out of anything it's an hours round trip to the shop to go pick something up.

It absolutely isn't easy for him no. The situation is, since I got sick, pretty shit for all unfortunately.

This is very very silly, I agree with you OP. If he was single, skint and very healthy it might be different.

Even if you recover normally, it can take weeks or months to get over flu post-viral symptoms, that's if they don't develop into something worse.

Top up his life insurance to the highest level you can afford, if he is going to be stupid and risk his life, the least you can do is benefit if he does pop his clogs and be well compensated to be left a single parent, who cant work due to your illness

Well this isn't a thread about your shopping habits so I won't derail it. But while, again YANBU for thinking this is a stupid idea. You can't do anything about it.
I mean you want to prevent an argument but you've already told him it's stupid and he refuses to listen.

Your options are to block all communication from the clinic from his devices, or get other people to tell him what a ridiculous idea it is.

I've taken part in a medical trial in the past, and he clearly doesn't understand the gravity of it. I wasn't given the placebo, and Christ alive was I unwell.

He's being a selfish twat and thinking it's just a nice little earner. YANBU, at all.

I wouldn't block him contacting the clinic or anything like that. I mean if he insists he's doing it I wouldn't stop him. I just wanted to know if I was being unreasonable being upset about it I guess.

Was this a clinical trial at flu camp or elsewhere? There can a vast difference what phase the trial is, whether a drug is being trialled etc.

I don’t think doing the trial is a bad thing: clinical trials are hugely important and a valid way to make a bit of extra cash. People I knew did them at university. But signing up for it without any consultation or warning is very odd indeed and pretty selfish.

It does seem very strange that someone with dependent family, particularly with a chronically ill spouse, would do this, particularly if he doesn’t need the money.

I don't think doing a drug trial is bad, it's more as you say the factor of our family circumstances.