Is it rude to tell someone they look tired?

[Edasseri]

As a casual comment. For example, you meet up with someone, say hi etc and then you tell them they look really tired

Yes

Well, yes, I would say it's rude. You're basically telling them they look like shit! 🤷‍♀️

Perhaps he'll remember not to be rude now. He's also not her FIL if the boyfriend is just that. Some men think they can get away with saying all kinds of shit. Guess this one fucked around and found out.

IMO, the only person that can get away with saying “Don’t you think she looks tired?” Is David Tennant.

If you know, you know.

Yes. Fair.

It depends on the context. I don’t mind when close friends and family say it as it comes from a place of concern.

Yes, I think it's rude.

What is the person going to do with that information - other than feel like a pile of crap about it!?

I was always taught that if someone can't remedy something in 30 seconds or less, you don't mention it.

So spinach in teeth: fine. T-shirt on inside-out, tell 'em. Toilet paper on shoe, go for it.

Looking 'tired'? Keep your mouth shut.

Yes this is something my mother in law would do, comment on my appearance. My mother taught me it was rude to comment on someone’s appearance unless it was something they could fix in 5 mins, spinach in their teeth etc, whether you think it a compliment or not. Obviously my mil never got the memo.

When I was pregnant people made so many comments about how great it wS I was so skinny, I had hyperemisis and was at deaths door and very worried about the impact of this on the baby. Insane people thought I looked great from literally eating nothing. Now I’m a normal size s/m size 10, I’m sure those people would think I’m enormous now 🙄

Snap, you beat me to it, yes this exactly!

Never acceptable

It's super rude! I usually get told I look tired by my MIL if I don't wear makeup

Unless you plan to help them with their tiredness, by doing something to make their life easier, then no, it’s rude.

Not something I'm bothered by, but it's usually hard to offend me, so I'm probably biased. Your response was also a good one though 😊.

Agree

Here you go, OP!

(I love him).

I got told I looked tired so regularly that I ended up having plastic surgery to remove the bags under my eyes.

I appreciate it if I'm tired. It validated how I feel.

I'd be careful about saying this - agree with PP that it depends on context and relationship. Your boyfriend's dad could have judged that one better. It amused me that you told him he looked like shit as a response.

Can I also add that unless the comments"you look tired" (which means you look subpar and lack standards if said by DMIL) is accompanied by an actual firm offer of help with whatever you might be doing then they can eff right off!

I'm hot, menopausal AND cranky today as you can tell 🤣

I think you’ll find it’s done on purpose actually. Sometimes people are just dicks.

Unlike others, I love your come back, if he dishes it out he should be able to take it. I wish I said something like that in the moment .

It’s been said to me in the past, so I’d never say it to anyone - to me it’s a polite way of saying you look pretty awful. Especially, as a pp has pointed out, when you’re not particularly tired!

If it comes from a concerned friend, my mum it's fine. If my line manager, tells me one more time then I will not be responsible for my actions. It comes across as controlling and rude.

It is definitely rude. Dressed up as a polite way to tell someone they are looking shit.