Is it rude to tell someone they look tired?

[Edasseri]

As a casual comment. For example, you meet up with someone, say hi etc and then you tell them they look really tired

I think it’s rude. If someone has said this to me I just take it I look like shit then 🤣

I get this all the time...it makes me want to burst into tears tbh. Everyone says it with concern and best intentions, but I have chronic illness and am fucking shattered all the time. Repeatedly being told you look like crap is so depressing!

It is rude but your comment dealt with it fine. Your DH didn’t need to get involved.

I used to wear full make up to work every day. I once went in with no make up on and my boss asked me if I was ill....er, no, this is just what I look like

it’s a bit rude but wouldn’t overly concern me. Probably because I am always tired 🤣

You should've just said 'you're making me tired'.
Or 'you, on the other hand, as always, are bearing an uncanny resemblance to a young Robert Redford (or other actor closer to his era)'

Yes it is very rude. I get this all the time as I am naturally pale with dark circles under my eyes. I do know what I look like, I don't need someone to tell me. It makes me feel so self conscious and really brings me down, even if it started out as a good day.

I had this in a cafe while holding a newborn, with a full face of make up on, aged 22, looking as good as it got, from an elderly woman.

She came to coo at the baby, declared, “what a pretty little thing you are, full of mischief, you’ve kept your poor mother awake all night! Look at her! Exhausted! Bags like suitcases under her eyes the poor lamb. You’re struggling dear, I can tell. You look like you haven’t slept since the birth.”

It wasn’t my baby. I was just holding her while my friend was at the toilet. I felt devastated.

It doesn't sound like he was trying to be rude but more concerned. You however were extremely rude!

I dunno. When I am tired, sometimes if someone notices I feel cared for. Doesn’t make me feel like they are actually saying you look shit. But it’s not something I’d say to someone else unless I knew them well and I knew it would come across as caring.

Also i was your dp and you spoke to one of my parents like that i would have torn a strip off you!

It’s extremely rude.

Generally, I think it’s code for “You look considerably worse than you usually do” which is rude, yes.

I have also given a blunt response to someone I barely knew who said I looked tired when I walked past her at uni. I did feel a bit guilty afterwards as I don’t think she meant it at all maliciously, but it’s just not an OK thing to someone you barely know.

Personally it doesn't bother me if someone asks... as it's true and I take it as they're concerned for my welfare!
I do understand how it would be rude in a different context though

Yes it is rude. You may as well say “oh you’re looking shit today”.

It doesn’t feel good to be asked this

There are other ways

I once had a male colleague tell me I looked “haggard”. I’m sure he meant to show concern for my well being.🙄

‘You look tired’ often is the ‘polite’ version of ‘you look like shit’

Yes
1 - you are tired, now your tired and know you look like rubbish too.
2 - you’re not tired you just look rubbish

yes it’s rude UNLESS they are offering to genuinely help.

Oh, bless you. Sometimes people just don’t think.

I met up with a friend when both of our babies were very small- they’re similar ages and were very obviously similar ages. A woman in the cafe made a big thing of how she couldn’t believe how slim my friend was with such a small baby, and how well and glamorous she was looking, while I just sat there and twiddled my thumbs.

I mean, she did look great… but she could have said it to her when I was in the loo or something!

Yes it's rude and very annoying.
I work with a lady who loves to comment on how tired I look pretty much all the time.
Drives me bonkers.

MIL tells me this every Christmas. I like to play bingo to see how long into the day it will happen.
Worst thing is we actually get on quite well.

I don't think so. It's not what I'd have said but I'd have been quite impressed with the OP as long as it was said with some humour. Rude people go on being rude because no one pulls them up on it. It's a rude comment and much more often said to women than men.

God - yes!
It just depresses the tired person even more - especially if said whilst giving a "sympathetic" head tilt!

God I'm tired and cranky today!

I wouldn't worry about it. My husband who is probably a similar age used to say this to women until I told him it was rude. He is the kindest man so he wasn't being rude at all.