Is it rude to tell someone they look tired?

[Edasseri]

As a casual comment. For example, you meet up with someone, say hi etc and then you tell them they look really tired

In Japan it is a compliment. It means you have been working very hard and that is highly admired.

If they say it with concern, followed by an offer for you to rest, cup of tea or similar, then not rude.
Otherwise, rude.
I think he was concerned.

My MIL told me I looked tired in the middle of a family gathering on new years. I had bad morning sickness at the time so probably did but I had made an effort and dressed up/ put make up on etc so it just made me feel rubbish. I think it’s rude!

It depends.

It's rude if they're being rude. It's not if they're not. 🤷

If my husband says to me are you ok? You look tired. Do you want to go have a lie down? That's not rude.

If someone you barely know says oh you always look so... tired... with a sneery look on their face, every time you see them then odds are they're trying to be rude.

Although you look tired as an insult is a bit weird isn't it?

Yea I hate it. Often because I feel fine and think 'tired' means 'old'.
Why say it? If you think someone looks good or well, say so (maybe not well as people can think you mean fat). But don't say something negative. It's depressing for the person being told.

Rude twats were constantly telling me I look tired when I worked on the tills at sainsburys. I got fed up with it so started just saying "thanks"

Its one of my pet peeves. I'm quite pale skinned and have hereditary dark circles and am often told this. If it's from a loved one I have no problem with it, but when it's someone just negging it annoys me.

You lost any moral high ground with that come back. Ignore ot a non committal uh-hu is the way to go

Of course it’s rude, unless the person is yawning or you know they’ve been up all night or something.

Of course!

I've said you look tired, do you want to give tonight a miss? Fine with me if you do.
Said to a friend with ME who really struggles so I wanted to make sure she knew I was fine if she needed/ wanted to cancel.
It is annoying when people say it when you are absolutely fine and aren't offering anything helpful. Eg you look tired I'll go to the bar and get our drinks- fine. Just you look tired - not helpful to say that.

Depends how it is said. A blunt 'you look tired' is very different from a soft 'you look tired, is everything ok'. It also depends how well the person asking knows you, knows your face and what is going on in your life.

It really doesn't need saying, not by anybody. If you think somebody looks tired then do something for them, there's no need to voice every little thought that passes your synapse.

Urgh I really hate it. My family are obsessed with commenting on appearance. I get it every time I see my extended family (perhaps they've forgotten I'm not 20 but a middle aged woman with loads of small kids and no fillers/botox!?).

I can't fathom why you would say it to someone!? I just hear 'you look like shit'.

YES

Unless you're saying it in a concerned way then of course it's rude.

Yes!

God yes, it’s very rude. A family member send to say this to me constantly in a faux-concerned way. Basically it seems I look tired even when I’m not. It’s just my appearance and I can’t do anything about it, so it’s hurtful for someone to keep rubbing it in. If there was a way to look better, I’d be doing it!

Yes it’s rude. It’s my MILs go to passive aggressive comment when she’s feeling snippy.

Someone I used to work with used to say this to me repeatedly I understand it as code for "you look like shit" and it used to really piss me off

Fucking grates on me! I have one colleague in particular who loves to tell me I look tired/ill. I don’t think I do, but it sets me in a sour mood every time!

I hope you don't mind me saying but, as someone with chronic illness that causes the same sort of bone crushing fatigue as ME, as well meaning as "you look tired, shall we give tonight a miss?" is, it has an impact on my self esteem. I can't hide that I'm ill...even when I'm trying. I'm in support groups and we've all had similar experiences.

"I understand if your energy is low today,
if you need to cancel we can always change to another day" is similar but doesn't have to bring physical appearance into it and helps shitty days feel less shit, if you see what I mean.

You sound like a kind friend, I hope you understand why I've mentioned it. And your friend might not mind as much as some of us do.

Yeah. Kind of.

It can be rude or honest depending on who is saying it.

One person says it to me, but only when I've put effort into a nice outfit and a bright lipstick. It's to bring me down a peg.

Or, both.

There are ways to say it without being rude even if one is being honest.