I want to be as tidy as my friend but it seems impossible!

[Mamabear04]

Just been round to my friend's house for a play date with the kids. We both have x2 young children under 5. Her house is spotless! No clutter, everything neat and tidy even the bath toys all ordered by colour or toy type. How is this even possible??? I don't have an untidy house but I feel my house is just cluttered with toys, x47488484949 kids drawings, piles of washing constantly on rotation, endless dishes on the rack. I clean all the time and try to keep things tidy but the clutter always wins. How is she doing this??? How can I make my house like this??? I try to put everything back in it's place but somehow with DH and the kids it's always so chaotic...

Maybe she has a husband who isn’t chaotic? Someone who does his share of household stuff?

Have you been friends long or was this the first time you’ve been round hers? She probably made a special effort if so. I had a friend who turned out to be mad in many ways, fist sign was her getting up at 4am on the day of our visit to make an elaborate afternoon tea from scratch.

The cleaner had just been?

Do you actually clean all the time? This is not a criticism, but I have a friend like this and her house is tidier than mine even though I don't have children. The reason is that if I get a spare hour in the middle of a busy week I'll leave the ironing/whatever other task and sit and watch TV to unwind. She'll do housework at the expense of self-care. While I'd love a spotless house, I really need my down time so will always prioritise that (as long as the house is at a certain standard of cleanliness obviously).

She doesn't have a cleaner and I've known her for years, her house is always like this. She once mentioned her DH thought she was a bit OTT with tidiness though now I think of it...

My DH very much pulls his weight with cleaning and tidying but we never manage for our house to look like hers! (It did pre kids!)

Or a cleaner?

Comparison is the thief of joy!

I have actually distanced myself from a friend who’s house is “perfect”, as are her clothes, hair, makeup, kids clothes, hair, her car etc etc because I feel so utterly uncomfortable and shit in every way when I’ve been with her.

Maybe she just has less 'stuff' than you?

Yes, I clean all the time. Dust once a week, clean the floors daily, always make sure the kitchen is clean at the end of the day, bathrooms once a week...or maybe OP clean more???

I was a bit like this I still am. I just dont really sit down in the evenings I kept on clearing up. I don’t tend to come on these threads to say things like this as it’s not fair on people who it doesn’t come naturally to, I just do it. I just clear up as I go along and I don’t mind doing it. I think you could learn it but it’s always hard to learn a new skill. I have plenty of other things I am terrible at so this isn’t a brag I would far rather have a fulfilling skill like an instrument, being able to draw, sing, speak loads of languages - I find all those things very hard!

dont compare. I am sure you have things that other people admire. Admiring someone’s skill to be tidy is all it is, don’t let it make you unhappy

My friend's house is always spotless and she has two kids; it turns out she just asks the cleaner to come the morning of any visits she knows are planned, which is why the house always looks immaculate! On the first visit where the cleaner hadn't been that morning, her house looked normal with toys out and laundry out and clutter on surfaces. Not gonna lie, I was relieved to see her house isn't always perfect!

Do you ACTUALLY want to be like that though, in reality, or do you just want your house to be like that? There is so much fun stuff I prioritise above cleaning, that my house could definitely be tidier. But I don’t want to spend my time that way .

(To add, I feel like I clean ALL the time, I wipe the kitchen surfaces all day for example but while I’m doing that mess is being made elsewhere - whether the kids do it or the washing machine ends so I have to sort the washing for example). I just keep on top of it to a normal level and have no desire or need to do more)

Yes maybe this is it. I do always prioritise doing something with the kids or making a meal from scratch for them rather than tidying up and then quickly wizz round the house tidying before they go to bed...

I think you've answered your own question there. She has less stuff than you.

Kids drawings etc are lovely to keep, but there are only so many that need to be kept hold of. Same with general "stuff".

If you ruthlessly declutter, it then becomes easier to clean and stay on top of things. Dana K White/A Slob Comes Clean has some good videos on youtube about the layers of cleaning. Doing dishes, a daily 5 minute pick up and not having clutter about makes the odd cleaning session actually far more productive.

Heading over to YouTube....

Ask her?

Say I'm always impressed how lovely your home looks, would you please share how I can get mine like it?

She probably has less stuff or more storage. That's a huge thing with kids.

Where do you put your washing when it comes in dry? Where do you put your plates once they've dried? On the side to go somewhere or immediately in the right place? I think that's another failing of mine, I always procrastinate.

I have a friend like this. You can never catch her out, her house is always tidy.

I asked her and she said that she does jobs as she sees them, puts away etc.

I tried it myself and was knackered by the end of the day. I felt like I'd never stopped. So back to the mess and blitz cycle as it works for me.

Maybe she never does anything other than cleaning?

Do you really want to live like that? Sounds dull to me.

I used to be very untidy and house was overflowing with clutter.

Be ruthless and reduce the amount of stuff. Charity shop all toys they don't play with or are too young, bin anything broken or missing bits. I have a Kallax box for each type of toy (Puzzles, Small World, Dress Up, Musical, Crafts, Dolls, Dinosaurs, Sensory etc)

Only allow one box out at a time and make them tidy it up before a new one comes out. My toddler will empty boxes in one huge heap if given chance so they live on top of wardrobe in guestroom (labelled).

My house is always clean and tidy, once you're on top of things it's easy to keep up. Small jobs every day are way quicker and easier than trying to do everything at once.
I do plenty of other things than cleaning.

I'm a bit like your friend but the thing is, I don't want to be. I don't enjoy cleaning. I just find mess (or what I perceive as mess) as anxiety inducing. I go to friends homes, see they're messier and would prefer that. Just food for thought.

OP my friends always comment on how immaculate my house is but I make a special effort when I'm expecting visitors. Its generally clean and tidy but day to day I don't worry about a few dishes left on the side, a bit of mail gathering before I sort it or a basket of laundry waiting to be ironed or put away. I don't think many people have a show home 24/7 without constantly being on the go.

You need to have places to out the stuff or it will always be cluttered. If you don’t have a place for everything then get rid of some stuff.

Or maybe she has a completely fulfilling and busy, fun life but simply doesn’t leave shit lying all over her house behind her?

What’s this obsession with trying to put everything down all the time?

It might not look like that all the time. My house is always pretty immaculate for visitors but much more chaotic the rest of the time.

I don’t know why people say this. If it’s someone’s choice to do it and it’s important to them or they don’t mind then what does it matter? Once the kids are in bed often it’s too late to start watching a film and I would fall asleep in front of TV anyway so a clear up, bed, read a bit of a book, get a good nights sleep. What’s dull, what is it I should be doing? Out partying or watching love island? Obviously people do other things have a full time job. I like it because then the next morning is easier